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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to leave my dd's pooey nappy at friend's house?

271 replies

Lalunya85 · 10/07/2017 22:34

A while ago when DD was about 10 weeks old we went to see friends at their house for the day. They have two dds but they are older (11 and 4 at the time so out of nappies).

Our DD did a poo and we changed her St friend's house and put the dirty nappy in a nappy bag. I asked my friend's partner who was near me at the time what to do with the dirty nappy. She sort of laughed and said: "you're not going to leave that at My house!"

At first I thought this was a joke. It wasn't. Then I assumed she must mean to take it to the bin outside, but that wasn't what she meant either.

So we had to take the nappy home with us in the car. It was a 3 hour drive, if that makes a difference.

Obviously we got rid of the nappy at the first public bin that we saw, but aibu to think this is a really strange and unusual attitude?

Or am I so lost in baby parent world that I can't see how unreasonable it would be of me to expect my friend to throw my baby's nappy in her bin??

Give me your verdict. Smile

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 11/07/2017 06:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatsername17 · 11/07/2017 06:16

Totally weird. Although a friend of mine put her toddlers poopy nappy in a nappy bag and then in her changing bag until I insisted she just put it in the bin. She said she'd had people get funny with her before. I have a 6 yo and a 6 month old so thought she was being daft.

Stormyseasallround · 11/07/2017 06:19

Honestly, you people who go around sniffing your bins are utterly baffling to me. I've had three children and an enormous dog, all of whose bagged-up shit had ended up in the bin at one time or another, without the world stopping turning.

DrHorribletookmycherry · 11/07/2017 06:25

I have only used reusables. All the poo goes in a loo and the nappy goes home. Saying that I'd not expect someone to take a disposable home, but I'd be pissed off at having to pay the extra to dispose of my bin if it was noticdd.

Lostinaseaofbubbles · 11/07/2017 06:27

I use cloth most of the time, so I generally take my nappies away by default. If I'm out for a whole day I'm afraid I do often use disposables (I've only got 2 in nappies at this point, but a year ago I had 3 and a days worth of cloth for 3 children is a lot to lug around for a whole day out. And by the end of the day the bag gets very heavy!). And with 3 there's a lot of other clobber you could do with lugging about!

I don't ask permission to put things in their outside wheelie bin. I just ask where the bin is. Generally then they either say "oh don't worry put it in the bin here" or just tell me where the bin is. If I got there and everything was neatly in bin bags I'd probably crack open the top bin bag and stick it in before doing a new knot.

I do get rid of as much poo down the loo as possible (both with cloth and with sposies).

Pre-kids I do remember getting annoyed when we had visitors who just put dirty nappies in my kitchen bin. Even now I never put nappies in my kitchen bin. But I have a nappy bin in my bathroom which I don't mind other people using, or they can put them straight in my wheelie bin (bagged).

newbian · 11/07/2017 06:28

I'm slightly surprised that so few people flush the poo away. I thought everyone did

How the hell do you flush newborn poo down the toilet?! It's liquid. Most of it gets absorbed into the diaper so the smell will remain even if one wanted to scrape liquid milk poo off the surface.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/07/2017 06:32

My mother was like this and we used to go and stay with her! I told her the nappies were going in the wheelie bin and I wasn't going to store them and take them home. Rather like Tatty, she hates disposables. But then she hates everything... including me, whom she sees as an extension of her (so rather she hates herself but it's easier to hate me). Well I tried washables on the nappy lending scheme. Washing nappies was too much for my chronic back pain and energy (later found out is ME/CFS) so I used eco nappies.

My point about my mother is that most people or those not puffed up by their own self importance or narcissism don't have a problem with this. Not aimed at you Tatty btw.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 11/07/2017 06:32

I used to wipe it off. Obviously you don't end up with a pristine nappy, and it wasn't always worth bothering (especially with very little babies). I'm just surprised that people are surprised.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 11/07/2017 06:39

As someone who has never had a child myself, i wouldn't want it in any of my bins, indoor or outdoor.
If they had a child currently in nappies then it wouldn't have been an issue to put it in their outside/nappy bin, but given how ridiculously long they now leave it between emptying bins (ours just got changed to once every three weeks) and it being middle of summer, i can completely understand them not wanting a shitty nappy in their outdoor bin. It surely wasn't pleasant when it was their own kids shitty nappies, but it's not their kids, it's yours. It wasn't unreasonable at all for them to refuse, honestly i think it was a bit unreasonable that you've put it in a public bin!

ComputerUserNotTrained · 11/07/2017 06:52

I think that's the difference. If you already have shitty nappies in your bin, one more isn't going to make a difference. If your bins are currently poo-free, then it will.

5moreminutes · 11/07/2017 06:56

Outside bin in a nappy bag is the only sane option.

There are people on MN who claim to take their used sanitary towels and tampons home in their handbag them even when they've been on an extended stay of several nights though, and people who expect that of guests.

I once read a post from a MNer claiming to be an elderly woman who had to go out into fields under cover of darkness with her even more elderly DH and bury nappies left in her outside bin by younger relatives because her neighbours disapproved anything smelly in the outside bin... Hmm

People are weird.

AceholeRimmer · 11/07/2017 06:58

Really weird... I can understand not having it in the house as we put ours in a proper nappy bin otherwise it reeks, but mot even the outside bin!?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/07/2017 07:00

Providing it was wrapped it could go in the outside wheelie bin. Definitely not in my kitchen bin though.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 11/07/2017 07:16

At my house implies in the house. If OP had meant the wheelie bin I think she would have said in my friend's wheelie bin.

It doesn't it is exactly the sentence i would use to mean in their wheelie bin. "They said i couldn't leave it at their house and had to bring it home" to mean i couldn't put it in a single bin at their house

LML83 · 11/07/2017 07:17

Really rude. I would ask like you and I have never even had to take it to outside bin (though I would be perfectly happy to).
Being a guest with a small child host has always taken it out for me (very lucky I guess), and that's what I do when people visit me.
To be expected to take it in your car is ridiculous!

Ohmyfuck · 11/07/2017 07:21

As long as it went in an OUTDOOR bin that would have been fine.

MsPassepartout · 11/07/2017 07:31

1. Empty poo into toilet.
(Oh, but it's all runny and stuff, you say. Hold nappy in toilet and flush. Poo will be flushed away, wet nappy places into nappy bag)

PILs had a problem a few years ago. Blocked sewer, manhole in their garden lifted itself and started spewing raw sewage all over their garden. Sewage included nappies and PILs said it was neighbours flushing nappies down the toilet that had caused the problems.

Lots of very uncomplimentary things were said about the neighbours. Now I'm wondering if they were trying the above trick and it all went horribly wrong.....

NataliaOsipova · 11/07/2017 08:17

They are both poo, yet the former is seen to be fine in a 3rd parties bin, while the latter is seen to be vile.

I wouldn't have put a nappy in a stranger's bin - this is the house of someone she is visiting by invitation. And the poo in a nappy is enclosed in the nappy, not just stuck straight in a bag.

Agree with a pp who said that if you invite people to your house, they will use the loo and leave the rubbish they generate on their visit in your bin. If you don't want that, don't ask them to come. With nappies, I agree it's polite to ask where the outside bin is rather than leaving it in, say, the kitchen, but it's bizarre to ask people to take waste home with them.

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 11/07/2017 08:29

So many replies, thanks everyone for taking the time to add your bit.

To answer some of the questions:

They definitely do have a wheelie bin outside, we passed it on the way to our car.

This was a few months ago, so it was still cool outside, but even in the summer I wouldn't ask people to take their poo home with them Smile

We haven't been back to see this friend since this visit. My friend is lovely but his partner can be really tricky to manoeuvre, not only when it comes to nappies! She has some more "house rules" that I consider odd. So I've been meeting my friend on neutral grounds.

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 11/07/2017 08:31

Don't they have an outside landfill bin? The big one the bin men empty?

I would have asked you to put the nappy straight in there and that's what I'd expect to do at other people's houses.

blackteasplease · 11/07/2017 08:31

In a nappy bag of course.

blackteasplease · 11/07/2017 08:31

Didnt rtft!

rainbowduck · 11/07/2017 08:45

I do not appreciate people leaving smelly nappies in my bin. Why should I have to put up with that smell every time the bin is opened until I change the bag?

I used cloth nappies where the poo is flushed down the toilet. One of my biggest yucks with disposable nappies is turds sat in bins. I think that is disgusting!

craftsy · 11/07/2017 09:27

It's actually illegal in most boroughs to put shit in a bin. You are supposed to empty the nappy into the toilet and only dispose of the nappy. It's actually really fucking disgusting to leave a shit in a bin. It's funny how on the dog shit thread everyone ageees it's horrible but on this one everyone thinks it's ok.

I don't have a bin service, I take my bag of rubbish to a disposal service a few times a year, so I really hate it when friends leave their nappies here. It could be in my bin for months.

BasketOfDeplorables · 11/07/2017 09:40

There are no boroughs near me that ban nappies or pet waste from general waste. I've worked all over the country and had to oversee waste collection (oh the glamour) and never found this. When a council collects nappies separately it's to do with the fact that they've reduced their collections and without an extra nappy collection they wouldn't be providing an adequate service, not that nappies and pet waste can't go in the normal general waste bin.