To announce on Facebook I'm not changing my name?!

[gingerbreadkid]

I am getting married in a couple of months and will be keeping my surname and title of Ms.

When this has cropped up in conversation people have been losing their minds! Couple of examples: 1. Talking with colleague and she spluttered but it's the law! After being pressured to give my reasons why she nodded and made all the right noises then whispered but what does your DP think about it?? And said in a way that he must object.

1. Man at venue for wedding breakfast said we could have light up letters in Mr & Mrs and I replied oh I won't be Mrs. And he looked at me in complete confusion. I said I'll still be Ms kid. And right away he came out with but what's the point of getting married?! He actually said that!

It has been brought up in conversation with a couple of others and they have been incredulous. I'm starting to find it a bit tedious tbh. To me it's not A. Big. Deal. But seemingly it is to others!

I'm waiting for the swathes of wedding cards to be addressed to Mr & Mrs DP's Surname. And I'm getting a little annoyed that it is just assumed I'm changing my name.

I am tempted to make a public announcement on Facebook telling everyone I'm not changing my name! Only half joking. I don't wan't to make a big deal out of it but I don't want to be suddenly addressed as someone I'm not!

MargaretCavendish

Lallypop I have no idea why you're arguing this hypothetical situation you've decided to create and demand answers on.

Margaretcavendish yes because it seems people are looking for an argument. I honestly, genuinely don't see the issue of someone making a simple mistake. The same as a mispronunciation of a name, would that offend you also?

Because that is what the OP is about???????????????

Read the OP that is exactly what it's about, getting annoyed by assumptions!

It's called manners, being polite

This from someone who earlier in the thread came out with "If I send a letter to Mr & Mrs, congratulating them on their marriage and you were offended id tell you to suck it up, deal with it, get over." before proceeding to tell a poster they needed a "good shag" for objecting to being called "Mrs".

The "simple mistake" is grounded in patriarchy and is very simply avoided by not making such outdated assumptions.

None of that answers my question lallypop. These are not experiences you have had, and if you'd assume a married woman is Mrs Husbandsname then you're actually part of what's creating this. With that in mind, why do you think you're qualified to lecture people who've had these experiences on how they should react?

This from someone who earlier in the thread came out with "If I send a letter to Mr & Mrs, congratulating them on their marriage and you were offended id tell you to suck it up, deal with it, get over." before proceeding to tell a poster they needed a "good shag" for objecting to being called "Mrs".

Yes, I'm afraid the time when lallypop had any chance at lecturing others on manners has been and gone.

Wow, loveofmine clearly too much time on your hands. The good shag comment was actually a joke and yes when people are touchy and overly sensitive I just don't have the time of day. For people to moan and worry about such silly things, then they must have very simple lives

For people to moan and worry about such silly things, then they must have very simple lives

A second contender for most unintentionally ironic comment of the thread, so soon after the first? You're on fire!

I didn't take DH's surname either. My MIL continues to write to us, addressing the envelope as Mr and Mrs James Jones. (for example)
Or worse still if it's to me alone, Mrs James Jones. a) my surname isn't Jones and b) my first name is not, has never been and will never be James .
I have told the old dear several times and have told DH to do the same but she is quite old fashioned and terribly British. Which is her right of course but imo it is not her right to call me something that is not my name, if I object to it.

You expect someone of 70 to conform to your views just because you say so.

I'm 70 Lallypop. I didn't change my name when I got married many years ago. Do the math. We 70-year-olds likely got married in the heyday of second wave feminism. Some of us may be more likely to be sympathetic to name-keeping than some younger folks.

In fact, most of the women I know who didn't change their names are in my age group. A bunch of second-wave pussy hat wearing feminist grannies trying to keep the faith, still fighting the patriarchy.

DH and I discussed both changing our surnames.
The only surname we could agree on was Davros. It may yet happen.

I was just thinking that Seneca, she's talking about 70 year olds as though they're all some kind of ancient relic! One foot in the grave etc, too old to understand or change. Rather than the generation than came of age in the swinging sixties, ffs. Very patronising.

The swinging sixties, ah yes, good times. And currently fashionable in a retro sense around these parts. As a result, our grandchildren consider us way cooler than their own parents.

Still avoided the OP and haven't answered the question HAHAHA. You have ignored my point and interpreted it in a way to suit your argument.
Please answer my question... would you be offended if mums/nans friend accidentally called you mrs. If not then I prove my point and if yes then what a very sad world we live in.

Wankmeforthemusic. You talk about our own experiences well in my experience 70yo tend to be stuck in the past. I used to work in a care home. You seem to adjust your posts depending on the poster. Very contradictory

You expect someone of 70 to conform to your views just because you say so.

My grandmother was 92 when she died and made an effort to find out the name of any newly married woman because being elderly didn't mean she lost her manners.

Assuming that a woman has changed her name and choosing not to check in a situation where 1 in 3 women don't change is pretty much the definition of rudeness. It is a clear indication that you don't care enough to make a small effort.

Can you imagine if you corrected someone politely on your own name and they responded with "suck it up, deal with it, get over." [sic]

So ill-mannered

You seem to adjust your posts depending on the poster. Very contradictory

Erm, what? Did you have a quick meth break?

Also, you still haven't told us why you think you're qualified to preach to us about something you've never experienced. Easier to oldsplain to a 70 year old, I suppose. Seneca, I think you must be doing being 70 wrong.

Actually thinking about it, it's probably youngsplaining when someone lectures an actual 70 year old about what 70 year olds do, isn't it?

My mother had no issue at all that I kept my name, and neither did my grandmother and her friends. My mother's sister, my 93 year old aunt, always manages to get it right as well. My dad, who died recently at 93, and his friends all managed to keep it straight.

Also, just curious, how many 70-year-olds do you find in care homes these days?

youngsplaining that's a good one. I can use that with some whippersnappers at work.

Yes, Lallypap, I still work. In a fairly demanding occupation, if I do say so myself.

Read the OP that is exactly what it's about, getting annoyed by assumptions!

Are we reading different OPs? It's the "but it's the law"/"what does your husband think"/"what's the point of getting married" comments that stood out to me! (I suppose they're assumptions too, but not of the "oops I thought your name was different" type...)

Getting married in September and had the following convo with a colleague a few weeks ago:

(Discussing my initials which appear on my files)
Colleague: "what does the c stand for in TCD?"
Me: "Craic."
Colleague: "And what will they be after the wedding?"
Me: ".....TCD."
Colleague: "WHAT?!" You're not changing your name?"
Me: "Nope! Why would I?"

Then there was a cheer from the vocal feminist and two divorcees sitting in the same room.

My future MIL kept her name (DP is DB-ed) which made it easier- no argument or PA statements from her and DP thinks it's entirely normal. DP's name is hardly, er, snappy, and mine is just way nicer so it was quite a straightforward choice. We do row about future children's names because DP wants to pass his full name on, but that's an entirely different argument. He can try and argue with me about that when I've pushed said baby out.

My DSis went DB-ed after her wedding last year, but aside from her all the other girls I know who've got married recently have changed their name. I do wonder how much of it is to do with all the cutesy "Mr & Mrs" tat you can buy on etsy, notonthehighstreet, etc. and the fact that it's a bit of a status thing. It would be interesting to see if there's a correlation between age at marriage and name changing patterns.