To announce on Facebook I'm not changing my name?!

[gingerbreadkid]

I am getting married in a couple of months and will be keeping my surname and title of Ms.

When this has cropped up in conversation people have been losing their minds! Couple of examples: 1. Talking with colleague and she spluttered but it's the law! After being pressured to give my reasons why she nodded and made all the right noises then whispered but what does your DP think about it?? And said in a way that he must object.

1. Man at venue for wedding breakfast said we could have light up letters in Mr & Mrs and I replied oh I won't be Mrs. And he looked at me in complete confusion. I said I'll still be Ms kid. And right away he came out with but what's the point of getting married?! He actually said that!

It has been brought up in conversation with a couple of others and they have been incredulous. I'm starting to find it a bit tedious tbh. To me it's not A. Big. Deal. But seemingly it is to others!

I'm waiting for the swathes of wedding cards to be addressed to Mr & Mrs DP's Surname. And I'm getting a little annoyed that it is just assumed I'm changing my name.

I am tempted to make a public announcement on Facebook telling everyone I'm not changing my name! Only half joking. I don't wan't to make a big deal out of it but I don't want to be suddenly addressed as someone I'm not!

Britt
"But if people choose to take their Husband's surname, why is assumed from almost every fucking post on here, that they have been forced into it, they are letting the female race down, that they are stupid, uneducated, allowing sexism, disregarding those who choose not to change and apparently don't understand marriage."
I disagree. I don't think people have been saying that at all. Quite a few posters have been attacking women who choose not to change their names with flawed arguments about marriage - they're the ignorant ones who don't understand marriage. There is a difference between choosing to change your own name, and attacking those who don't. The former aren't being sexist; the latter are.

Your post does demonstrate rather clearly my earlier post saying that people get very defensive (aggressively so in your case) on threads like this

I feel for you OP, I don't like the whole Mrs business either and as I am a Dr, I thought this would get me round that trap nicely. So when we were on honeymoon our cabin had a big sign saying "Mr&Mrs Badger" which I promptly asked them to change to "Mr & Dr Badger". Which then prompted one of the other travellers to exclaim "Oh you're the gay couple!" - that told me :)

I've had a catch up on this thread and everybody has turned it into an argument about whether or not they should take their partners surname. The truth is it's no ones business and people can do what they choose.
The OP is asking if she is being unreasonable to get annoyed by people's assumptions and should she post it on fb.
She gave some examples of people's reactions, which are wrong, yes. But that is not what the OP is asking.

"The truth is it's no ones business"

Would that that were the case, but the world makes it their business to comment on women not changing their names, or men changing their names, on marriage. So it's going to be discussed whether you like it or not

But this thread has taught me that some people believe I might as well cancel my wedding this weekend because I am not going to change my name and there is no point in getting married otherwise

It can be discussed but won't make a difference to people's views. Like I said people haven't addressed the OP's question, just decided to rant on about their own views. It is a preference. There is no right or wrong (people clearly think there is) Although some people's reactions to this may be right or wrong.
Well it's funny you should say that this thread has taught you not to bother marrying as you will be keeping your name. This thread has taught me not to marry for love.

And the truth is it really isn't anybody's business but yours. So if you don't want to change your name you don't have to. It shouldn't offend the OP or anybody if people presume you will be taking your husbands name, as this is much more common (my initial point). If people are rude about this then yes you have the right to be offended.

HerSymphony
"Would that that were the case, but the world makes it their business to comment on women not changing their names, or men changing their names, on marriage. So it's going to be discussed whether you like it or not"
Exactly.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding btw! I hope you have a wonderful day even if it is all pointless

"It can be discussed but won't make a difference to people's views."

Given that you have said that you will address all married women as Mrs whether they like it or not you are certainly right that no one's views are going to be changed as long as people are happy to be rude enough to override another person's name preference

Thanks Emma :D

Omg did I say that
I'm saying don't be offended if people make that mistake. It is more common for people to take their partners name than change it. So don't be offended by assumptions. You can be offended by reactions or people continuously getting it wrong.

What I meant is that some will think they should adopt their partners names and some want to keep their own. The decision is theirs to make, regardless of opinion

Just seen this interesting (and v relevant), which one of my FB friends posted - talks about the history of all this a bit: www.the-pool.com/news-views/opinion/2017/28/florence-wilkinson-on-title-of-ms-and-sheila-michaels

It is more common for people to take their partners name than change it. [sic]

People? The assumption seems only to relate to women. That's the reason it's offensive. It's 2017 and there is still a widespread assumption that women will announce their marital status and the family they've joined rather than the one they came from in every interaction with others. Do you not see how fucking crazy that is?!

And there's a significant population of women who don't/wouldn't give it a second thought. Perhaps through lack of education, misplaced sense of tradition and romance, or because the connotations don't bother them. If it's an informed decision, I have no issue with it. To just do it unthinkingly gives me the rage because it fuels that assumption about women for another generation.

No, it can take time for social changes/traditions to die out and new ones be totally accepted. I'm surprised though by the amount of folk - especially women who don't seem to think about it or question it.

I have several friends who come from cultures where they don't change their names.

I think most women who change their names do realise what the tradition harks back to, but nevertheless, they want to do it anyway. It can feel like the romantic thing to do - and this so often this overrides logic! In the same way, there is nothing to stop women proposing marriage to the DH-to-be, but in general they don't want to. Customs will only change when women want them to - it's not all about what men are forcing them to do. Of course, these decisions are taken within an underlying patriarchal framework, but perhaps many women consciously collude with certain aspects of this because they actually prefer things that way?

Seriously am I absolutely crazy. I cannot believe some of these posts.
Here's an example. You get married. Depending on your age, your mums/nans friend accidentally calls you mrs hisname. Woukd you smile and correct or would you get annoyed by their assumption???
Honestly people really need to chill the f out.
People, woman whatever, it is more common for a woman not to change their name FACT. So don't get offended. That is all I'm saying!!!!!!!! I'm not saying at all that people shouldnt keep their name. Jus don't get offended by people's assumptions!!!!!

Tittygolighty you seem to be addressing me as someone who doesn't agree with you. I'm merely saying don't get offended by assumptions. You took a small sentence and interpreted it the way you pleased. You took what I said completely out of context.

Or just don't make the assumption in the first place. That'd be simpler.

Seriously???? You expect someone of 70 to conform to your views just because you say so. Have some respect, it works both ways. Don't get offended if this happens. I couldn't care less if I kept my name after getting married but I can assure you I'd never be rude because someone made a mistake. Pure attention seeking

Bizarre post in many ways but my grandparents think it's great I think this way on name changing. "Attention seeking"? Seeing as you're complaining women who are addressed incorrectly as "Mrs" react angrily how could they possibly also be attention seeking seeing as they didn't want to be in that position in the first place

Why on earth do you think yourself qualified to tell people how to react to a problem you've never experienced and that you actually contribute to lallypop?

Omg I want to cry from the ignorance.
Have you read/understood anything I have said. I clearly said that if people address you by Mrs purposely or continue to do so on purpose then no that is not ok.
I am saying that getting upset from an assumption is absolutely ridiculously.
If your nans FRIEND did this without knowing, would you be angry? I honestly hope not because yes that would be attention seeking. Just politely say actually I kept my name. Very simple.

Omg I want to cry from the ignorance.

Ironic comment of the thread.

Wankyouforthemusic I have had many friends keep their name. I would never expect them to get angry if I accidentally called them Mrs. It's called manners, being polite. Why would you get annoyed if someone ACCIDENTALLY assumed you kept your husbands name?? Honestly woukd you get offended by such a silly mistake?