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AIBU?

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Original poster

For making DP's sister's come and pick up their children?

385 replies

Boggysib · 09/07/2017 08:26

We were on holiday and visiting points of interest. DP is from the area - we live two hours away and were staying in an hotel along with our kids aged 6 and 1.

We arrived at a certain historical place and were trekking over to its play area. We were about to eat our picnic when it became apparent that our niece (3) and nephews (5 & 2) had been left with us to look at after as only DP's mum arrived.

Both dp and I were BUSY taking turns with the 1 year old.

DP's mum and was chasing after the 3yo while the 2yo was restrained in his buggy the whole time (2 hours or so). He doesn't get let out anywhere. He is a handful and tends to hit other children. I did not feel comfortable letting him loose. He got no interaction the whole time we were at the play area. I gave him a banana and topped up his water bottle.

So it turns out DP's sister's were away - one getting hair done, other cleaning house.

I messaged them both saying one of your children has been abandoned, the other being chased by your mum so she hasn't had a the chance to eat her lunch. I didn't come on holiday for this.....

We didn't get to to do what we had planned that day because we had to babysit their children. They obviously cannot be bothered with their children and dump them on DP's mum at any opportunity.

Wibu for thinking we shouldn't have been put in that position?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 09/07/2017 17:46

MIL agreed to look after the child - probably because one of the sisters was supposed to stay - MIL neglected the child - OP was with her won child

I've seen this in plenty of playgroups where a parent dumps a child and 'expects' others to watch them -

hippyhippyshake · 09/07/2017 18:15

Crikey, 2 year old in buggy all day. This is what happens when I go out - escalation!!

user1495025590 · 09/07/2017 18:19

Op's husband was supervising the 6 and 5 year olds, in what was clearly quite a big open space with lots of people, they couldn't be left to wander around not being watched! So he was fully occupied with those two. Are some of you SERIOUSLY suggesting 6 and 5 year old should have been left, unsupervised, in a big open outdoor place?!

where did you invent that from almostaJillSandwich .The opening post of this thread clearly says both the OP and her DH were occupying themselves with the one year old. BTW the 'big open space' to which you refer was a children's playground!!

Madwoman5 · 09/07/2017 18:21

So despite arranging to meet for a picnic with the family, one chose cleaning the house and the other one chose getting her hair done over spending time at a family picnic?

They then decide to dump the kids on Mother because they wanted them to see you but Mother is clearly not able to look after three small kids at the same time so they were hoping you would step in?
Bloody hell. Charming lot.
Mother needs to say NO
They need to sort out their priorities
You need to find somewhere else to go on your holidays!

AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/07/2017 18:32

It is SO frustrating that people are clearly not reading OP's follow up posts before jumping on the bandwagon to bash her about the 2 year old in the buggy.

THEY WERE IN A BIG OUTDOOR PLAY AREA LIKE A PARK, NOT INDOOR SOFT PLAY.

As such, the 5 and 6 year old could NOT be left alone to just go and wander and play, so OP's husband was watching his 6 year old daughter and her 5 year old cousin.

MIL disappeared off with the lively 3 year old who was running around all over the place so had her hands full.

OP had a sick, breast feeding baby, who is not old enough to walk and who needs constant supervision.

There was simply nobody left to be able to take on what would have been a hands full situation with an aggressive, violent (potentially SEN) 2 year old who would have absolutely taken off running and been difficult to handle all whilst hitting and kicking any other child in range, like he had been doing the day previously to OP's sick 1 year old.

THIS WAS NOT OP'S FAULT! She didn't neglect the 2 year old, she talked and sang to him, gave him drinks, fed him his lunch as much as she was able, but she had her hands full with a sick baby, there just were not enough adults to look after all the kids. So instead of blaming OP, how about you DO nut the blame on both of the SIL's who ran off to get their hair done and the other seemingly just sat in her car instead of helping!

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 09/07/2017 18:33

The MIL could have watched both the older Ines and the DP could have watched the 2 and 3 even just for a few mins to let the 2 year old out of the buggy where he was stuck for 2 hours

AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/07/2017 18:36

User, i got it from OP's later posts, where she stated her husband was supervising the 6 and 5 year olds. You know, the ones that so many other people apparently haven't read.
And i've been to plenty of childrens playgrounds that are absolutely huge. OP said herself it was big enough that MIL with the 3 year old was out of sight most of the time, and that it included picnic areas. They also seem to often be situated in a park, with only a short fence with lots of gates that get left open. I certainly wouldn't leave a 5 and 6 year old unsupervised in any of the ones i've seen, way too easy to wander off

GreenTulips · 09/07/2017 18:36

OR SIL could've watched their kids

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 09/07/2017 18:38

but the SILs had asked the MIL to have the kids and she said yes she would. Are they supposed to mind read?

SkaterGrrrrl · 09/07/2017 18:58

Yanbu.

DHs brother & wife use my MIL as their child care bitch. It's far too much for her.(plus FIL has recently been diagnosed with a life limiting illness). The rest of the family then has to do more to lessen impact on MIL. It boils my piss.

Getoutofthatgarden · 09/07/2017 19:03

Sunnymorningwithbacon

Are you one of the SILs, seriously? You seem to think it's ok to take advantage of other people and dump kids on them without asking?

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 09/07/2017 19:05

Of course not!

The SIL both asked their mother who said it was fine.

I just think the op and her DP clearly dislike the SILs and there was no excuse for the OP keeping a little boy strapped in a buggy for 2 hours. That's cruel and punishing him to make a point to his mother who wasn't even there.

Getoutofthatgarden · 09/07/2017 19:13

Sunnymorningwithbacon

But she didn't do it to punish the child, she fed him, talked to him and kept an eye on him. He wasn't let out of the pram because there was no-one there to run after him. OP was busy attending to her own sick child. MIL was running after the 3 year old, DH was looking after the 5&6 year olds.

You're saying the SIL asked the MIL but she didn't ask OP. MIL was doing her best.

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2017 19:22

Well if the mil was fine with it then it was up to her to get the 2yo out

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 09/07/2017 19:22

we are going to have to agree to disagree

witsender · 09/07/2017 19:26

I said the MIL was ineffectual because she moans about this to the OP etc but doesn't do anything about it. If she wasn't ineffectual this situation wouldn't have arisen, as the SILs wouldn't have disappeared.

TyrionLannistersShadow · 09/07/2017 19:36

While I do think it was cheeky for the 2 Sils to leave their kids with your Mil who's obviously not able for them, I also think it's ridiculous that 3 adults couldn't take care of 5 children . I feel really sad for the 2 yr old left in his buggy. You say he's basically ignored and has little interaction at home, well you did pretty much the same imo. Your dislike of them all comes across your posts really clearly and you seem unable to see that your treatment of that poor child is as bad as the behaviour you're judging your dps family for.

Original poster
Boggysib · 09/07/2017 19:41

Mil said that he was safer in his buggy. There was no way he could be let out where we were she said. She said he's a the stage where he has no fear and would endanger himself.

This was in response to me saying in a text I was was stressed worrying about him in the buggy and felt I couldn't handle letting him out.

OP posts:
MadMags · 09/07/2017 19:43

Your SILs sound like lazy, entitled arses.

Your MIL sounds like an ineffectual moan.

Your DP sounds utterly useless.

And you sound like a drama queen.

None of you come out of this looking well, and as a result a baby was left sitting there for the entire day.

Lemonnaise · 09/07/2017 19:44

Shock at the people blaming OP for standing up to two selfish mothers who chose to leave their kids. I could at a push understand the one who went to the hairdressers, she seemed to think the other one would be there but instead she sat in her car leaving all responsibility for her child to other people!!!!

The people blaming OP are obviously of the same ilk and sound like they would do the same without a second thought.

AntiopeofThemyscira · 09/07/2017 19:48

The people blaming OP are obviously of the same ilk and sound like they would do the same without a second thought.

Nonsense. I can count on one hand how many times I have asked family members to provide childcare for my children. They're 10 and 14 now and I am a single parent.

Original poster
Boggysib · 09/07/2017 19:50

So mags what if I took the 2yo old the buggy. Neglected to watch my own child. Devoted all my time to him, with me a total stranger.

He might have had the time of his life. But I doubt his circumstances would change after those two hours were up.

You sound fab, thanks.

OP posts:
MadMags · 09/07/2017 19:51

I didn't say you had to devote all your time to the two year old, neglecting your own child.

There were three of you there.

More drama...

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 09/07/2017 19:52

I've never had anyone who could babysit for me. Single parent of grown up kids.

Lemonnaise · 09/07/2017 19:53

Nonsense. I can count on one hand how many times I have asked family members to provide childcare for my children. They're 10 and 14 now and I am a single parent

Do you blame the OP for this situation? If so, why is it OPs fault that 2 mothers went away and never looked near their children, one chose to sit in a car rather than look after the kids, how in gods name can another person take the blame for that?