14 year old son wanted to go to a pride event today, DH says he was too young! Was he BU?

[ChangingThatName]

Is DH being unreasonable?

Our 14 year old asked me if we could go to a pride event today. My DH quickly interrupted with a 'definitely not' and tbh, I didn't see much of an issue with it, but then began to wonder. Is he a bit too young to go to a pride event? Was DH being unreasonable?

silently I do totally get where you are coming from with this comment "I'd also like people to recognise that asking them not to use resources not intended for them isn't discriminating against them."

So can I ask where do you think this perception has come from? The idea that straight people attending Pride are doing a good thing?

When that single gay teenager gets a bit older, would you advocate giving his large female support group testicular cancer checks, in the hope it would encourage him to turn up?

Are you of the opinion that female friends can have testicles? Some people adopt this point of view, which is the reason I am asking.

ha! Our Pride parade is quite tame compared to these descriptions. Main part done by 2pm. Boring Norfolk I guess.

Silentlyscreaming
It's more the point that it's mainly dominated by gay white men. Pride isn't geared towards lesbians or bisexual people in the same way. It's very much about gay men.

So can I ask where do you think this perception has come from? The idea that straight people attending Pride are doing a good thing?

Because, when I'm feeling less spikey, I think it is a good idea for straight people to attend Pride, up to a point but, certainly in the case of London, that tipping point has been reached and even exceeded.

It's very hard to explaine that it's okay for some straight people to attend Pride but it's not alright for them to dominate it. It's not alright to display cultural insensitivity around the BDSM or drag visibility or to be offended seeing gay folks kiss each other. This is much more of a shades of grey situation than black and white but if it has to come down to black and white, I'd rather straight people stayed away.

It's totally acceptable to me for a straight teenager who wants to inform herself about gay domestic violence issues to take contact details on a card but it's not acceptable for hundreds of them to strip a stall of more attractive or valuable items that have been designed to pass to those who may be vulnerable to lure them towards help.

Manchester Police's Operation Spanner back in 1987 (gay men getting arrested for engaging in BDSM) led to a House of Lords case which ruled that consent is not a legal defence, which means that essentially kink is illegal. Particularly gay kink because similar heterosexual cases have been allowed to use consent as a defence. The men arrested were sentenced for up to four years in prison.

While this is not fair and I am against such double morals ... I would much prefer if heterosexual cases were not allowed to use consent as a defence.

The whole pro-prostitution lobby is built on "but consent!".

Some things just should not ever be legal. Once you legalize something if there is "consent" you open the door to coercion and other kinds of pressure, and put the burden of proof on the victim to prove that they did not consent.

It's bad enough women have to prove they didn't consent to be raped, but do you really, really want to live in a world where your relatives have to prove you didn't want to be choked and your death is not an accident if an abusive partner kills you?

Homosexuality has been normalised. Job done. No need advance this agenda any further.

Homosexuality is not a point on a road that leads to sadomasochism. It is a sexual orientation that just exists.

BDSM is a completely different matter that happens to have some overlap with gay male lifestyle for some reason, but does not logically follow from it. (And considering that male homosexuality is, and historically was, more accepted in circumstances where there is no equality between the two men, it reeks of homophobia to me.)

Are you of the opinion that female friends can have testicles? Some people adopt this point of view, which is the reason I am asking.

I think you're asking if I believe in transsexuals. Indeed I do, I've even met some. However, I don't think that a significant enough number of teenage girls are pre operative transsexuals that they need to be checked on the off chance.

It's more the point that it's mainly dominated by gay white men. Pride isn't geared towards lesbians or bisexual people in the same way. It's very much about gay men.

I agree that Pride is mainly dominated by white, gay men and that it isn't as focused as much on lesbians or bisexuals. I think that has a lot to do with numbers, there are more gay men than lesbians women and bisexuals are harder to count. Bringing in an even larger group, i.e. Heterosexuals won't do anything to increase the inclusion of lesbians or bisexuals, it will just make the situation even worse.

The whole pro-prostitution lobby is built on "but consent!".

The legality and morality of all sexual contact is built on 'but consent'. All things of a sexual nature, involving more than one person, on their own, in a locked room, are only made acceptable by consent. It's the absolute cornerstone of acceptable sexual behaviour.

Bodily integrity or the right of an adult to do what they wish with their own body, right up to the point where it impacts anyone else is fairly central to a free society. I think that a persons right to give consent to having any body parts nailed to anything is as important as my right not to, as they come from exactly the same place.

I'm not sure that BDSM has more overlap with gay men than with heterosexuals, consenting gay men have just been jailed for it in a way that straight people have not.

reinettepompadour (DW reference?) if it was illegal in his day that was 1967! He is older than me!!

If you are in England or Wales, there are other parts of the UK, Scotland was 1980 and NI 1982. Oh and it didn't cover the armed forces either.

Homosexuality hasn't been normalised. 45% of gay kids are still bullied at school.

There simply wasn't enough space for all of the gay/trans groups who want to march today to do so because so many straight people were taking part in the in name of 'inclusion'. Older people, like me, just don't show up anymore because the streets are rammed with straight people who think that they are at a free Glastonbury. I have friends working doors in Soho who, tonight, are getting nothing but abuse from heterosexuals who think they have more right to be in clubs than anyone else. It's frustrating and it has pretty much washed all the politics out of the day

So you want to be included, but you want to exclude others? How does that work, then?
Sounds a tad hypocritical. We're all the same. Can't we all just include each other? Surely that's what people are after in the first place?

My right to exist and love who I want to is absolute and does not depend on anyone else. I don't need to ask permission.

Of course you don't, I never you said you did.

I'm sorry that you think otherwise and I wonder if you'd ask the same of a heterosexual woman?
Where did I say I think otherwise? What are you talking about? You're free to love who you choose, male or female I never said otherwise.

Another one here in DH was being U camp.

My DNieces (15) best friend is gay. She's been going to pride with him every year for the past four years. They have a blast and they look forward to it every year. Yes my nephew also tags along (14).

Silently "i think that a persons right to give consent to having any body parts nailed to anything is as important as my right not to, as they come from exactly the same place" I disagree. I think they come from very different places. And I wonder if you are saying this because one affects you and the other does not.

Hudson I think it is quite understandable if an oppressed group, whichever group, wishes to meet without those who they feel are oppressing them.

Personally, I have no problem with there being specific supportive groups for women, where men are not allowed, racial groups where the dominant racial group is not allowed, groups for disabled or differently abled etc.

I can see the point of these. Wanting such groups does not contribute to inequality, although I feel it may be a sigh of its existence to some extent.

Mumsnet can be so funny at times.

Random name changer asks a really vague question without giving details of where the actual event is in relation to where they live. No details about travel plans, how late he might have to return, whether it involves public transport, how trustworthy he is, who he's going with, exactly what sort of pride event, or anything else about safety and security.

Yet the DH is immediately wrong in some poster's eyes

Not that the OP cared enough to return to the thread.

straight people who think that they are at a free Glastonbury

How do you know what the straight people are thinking?

Do you have any suggestions as to how Pride in London could be done better?

To follow on from silent's thoughts.
Please can everyone whose background us not black west indian stay away from Notting Hill Carnival. It's got to the point where more and more black families are unable to go.

No, it's not right for Black Lives Matter movements to exclude white people.
No, it's not right Pride to exclude heterosexuals.

Silent has some fair good points, but I think the ends justify the means here. We should all be accepting eachother.

Maybe some people might go to pride who appear heterosexual but could actually unknowingly be bisexual. I mean they may be attracted to same sex but not acknowledged it yet.

I think it depends on the reasoning behind it. I'm 16 and last year my parents told me I couldn't attend with friends due to their worries over terrorism and large crowds etc... their decison to stop me going wasn't based on homophobia, they were concerned for other safety reasons. This year I pursuaded them to let me go and although they still had doubts about safety they were very supportive (even wearing rainbow accessories on the day!) - His decison may have been motivated by other concerns rather than by any homophobic intentions.

Buck3t I was thinking about this. Racism is more visual than sexual orientation, in as much as skin tone can be seen. Skin tone also runs in families, whereas I am not sure that sexual orientation does particularly, although attitudes of acceptance or homophobia might, I could imagine.

So I am not sure how well the parallels between Notting Hill Carnival and Pride in London work. Is Carnival's parade managed similarly to Pride's? I guess that would be a question for the Met or Greater London Authority who are involved in both events.

Erinaceus I think because I was up at 5.15 this morning I'm missing your first point.
I think you're right on how it's managed, but I haven't been to both in years.
Just as an aside, there are many skin tones within one family. I have a cousin who is fair like Julia Roberts with a grandmother darker than Whoopi Goldberg. Go figure.

In the old days we would go mums, dad's, cousins, aunts and uncles. It was fun. Maybe life has moved on, but I've taken my kids once and my ds is 15. It's completely taken over from the original statement. But it's a good thing as far as I'm concerned, as it incorporates more than just the Caribbean. It wants the whole world to get together. As long as it's original story is not forgotten we should be okay.

I'm bisexual but I'm in a heterosexual marriage and have kids so I look very straight.

I understand that some people might not want heterosexuals marching, since there is a limit on numbers, but I can't see why they shouldn't go along to stand on the sidelines and give support. I think that is like saying white people shouldn't go to a black lives matter rally or men shouldn't go to the women's march. I see why they shouldn't go to closed events, meetings, safe spaces, etc.

I thought the whole point of parades and marches was to attract a huge crow that makes an impact.

My 6 year old and 9 year old were at a Pride event last week. Didn't think anything of it and I'm proud to say that neither did they