14 year old son wanted to go to a pride event today, DH says he was too young! Was he BU?

[ChangingThatName]

Is DH being unreasonable?

Our 14 year old asked me if we could go to a pride event today. My DH quickly interrupted with a 'definitely not' and tbh, I didn't see much of an issue with it, but then began to wonder. Is he a bit too young to go to a pride event? Was DH being unreasonable?

Kindle it's no one's job to change their minds apart from their own

Do people feel the same way about Black Lives Matter and women's groups and other places that 'exclude' the dominant group? Do people feel that it's right for the dominant group to muscle in on every group?

Because I get the allyship and solidarity. What I don't get is the feeling that some people don't understand that there is a difference between an all white country club excluding black people and an all black political group fighting against racism excluding white people.

AND "My husband made a mistake" meaning having his son.....Wow.... Just wow!!

Assume you mean this bit? because we are human we all sin. I am certain it would be easier if my husband didn't make a mistake in his teens but he did and now we are doing our best. It would be easier if he'd waited till marriage as the bible advises.

As someone who's been brought up Christian, I can understand where the poster is coming from with this. I myself had children after marriage, and so did DH, wouldn't have contemplated before.
Sometimes mistakes can happen in your teens though I suppose, that doesn't mean you love them any less.

It's never crossed my mind to go to a pride event because I'm not LGBT. I always assumed the whole point was about one group of people celebrating themselves and community. If a pride event was organised that deliberately wanted non-lgbt to attend then that's a different kettle of fish.

Afraid is on the express train to hell!!!

I'm sorry but you being in a step family is simply your DH making a mistake...everyone's human blah blah. But a gay couple are sinners??

Lololololololololol

You're going straight to hell sister

I know this isn't a constructive post but how do people like this even exist

Religion really is a load of crap.

SilentlyScreamingAgain sorry I shouldn't say it is weird, it's just I have never heard that before. I can imagine gay people saying they do not want straight people in their clubs, although I've been to gay clubs before and it did not seem a problem. i can imagine lesbians not wanting men or straight women in their clubs. But I really thought Pride was about acceptance, and if you don't accept straight people on the march that seems to suggest things won't change as much as gay people would like.

I'm not gay or bi.But to me inclusion should mean that.Otherwise you excluding people cause they're straight is no different than them excluding you cause your gay.

We don't live in an equal society. Many people aren't inclusive of my sexuality. Here's an explanation of straight privilege. I hope once you've read it, you will understand why LGBTQ* need a day of their own.

www.sap.mit.edu/content/pdf/heterosexual_privilege.pdf

@Silent how on earth is that the same thing.Youre basically saying unless it affects me directly I shouldn't get involved.Thats crap.Do you know what when nobody turns up next year,blame yourself.

But I really thought Pride was about acceptance, and if you don't accept straight people on the march that seems to suggest things won't change as much as gay people would like.

I promise you, straight people don't need to have a special day of acceptance of their sexuality. All of society is set up, not just to accept but the actively celebrate love between heterosexuals. Every single time you turn on the tellybox, you will see straight couples staring in the soaps, being at the centre of the dramas and selling coffee.

Please have a look at the list I posted above with an open mind and take a few moments to imagine what it would be like not to be part of the accepted and acceptable majority.

Imagine what it would be like to have one day when that was not the case and then to have that day eroded.

No we don't live in an equal society.Im a woman ihave realised that.But making Pride a wholly gay/bi or transgender issue is not going to fix it.

I'm not saying it's our responsibility to stop others being homophobic. What I'm saying is that homophobia comes from ignorance and the way to tackle it is by debate, discussion, education and also inclusion. Being aggressive and shouting people down will only alienate people further.

how on earth is that the same thing.Youre basically saying unless it affects me directly I shouldn't get involved.Thats crap.Do you know what when nobody turns up next year,blame yourself

What I'm actually saying is that not everything is about you and you're having an amazing problem with that concept.

That's privilege.

What I'm actually saying is that not everything is about you and you're having an amazing problem with that concept
Surprisingly I realise that but then I'm not the one who wants a parade only for certain people in attendance.Now that's privilege

allowlsthinkalot "Oh, plus I'm in a heterosexual marriage and can't end that without destroying a family...and my lovely dh who doesn't deserve it. And I've lost the chance to ever have a full and proper relationship, I will never fully live." I am so sorry to hear this. Does your dh know? I'm never a fan of people staying in unhappy marriages, and I am a Christian too.

What I'm saying is that homophobia comes from ignorance and the way to tackle it is by debate, discussion, education and also inclusion. Being aggressive and shouting people down will only alienate people further.

I don't have to meet anyone's hate or ignorance with a smiley face. It's not my job to educate anyone out of being a bigot. I don't have to include anyone who would deny me basic human rights. I'm usually polite about other folk's religious beliefs but only to the point when they use those beliefs to attempt to oppress me.

However, I respect your right to make your own choices.

Do you know what@Silent,I give up.I can't win.Ifvwe go to Pride all is heteros are taking over.

We don't go and nobody cares.We just can't win.

I don't have to meet anyone's hate or ignorance with a smiley face. It's not my job to educate anyone out of being a bigot

Can you not see though by exposing people to a 'different' way of life to what they're used to, and by having debates etc you're opening their minds?
Cutting yourself off and disengaging isn't the way to having more people on board and seeing everyone as equal.

AfraidOfMyShadow "I am bit conflicted."

I am a Christian too and come from that branch of the church (evangelical) which used to be very negative about gay relationships. This has changed a lot in previous years and there are a number of Christian organisations which are aimed at inclusion for gay people.

www.acceptingevangelicals.org/

I don't know much about this organisation much by they may be useful inclusive-church.org/about-us

If you would like to learn more, I would heartily recommend listening to Matthew Vines, it is very interesting and biblical. Of course it is his interpretation of the Bible but I think you would find it very interesting if you listened to it. This may help you in thinking about your step son.

I used to attend a church that was very negative about equal marriage when the bill was going through, it was very hard to know that young people would be taught one thing in school and another at church. Also, that logically (and morally), they would understand the school message of inclusion and see the church as judgmental. And that because of this they would lose faith.

This was hard when actually I know of many, many gay Christians who I've met through various events and on line, who could tell a different story.

And that the message of our small church was not the full picture. That God and the church could tell a different story about sexuality that was also faithful and would not drive people away from God.

I'm only sharing this Afraid because I sense you are not happy with the way the churches in some areas teach about sexuality, and I sense you really do care for your step son and so I hope you will explore this subject. Mostly, so you can be ready to help your stepson explore things in an open way.

Can you not see though by exposing people to a 'different' way of life to what they're used to, and by having debates etc you're opening their minds?
Cutting yourself off and disengaging isn't the way to having more people on board and seeing everyone as equal.

I'm here and I'm engaged but I don't have any need to justify my sexuality or my right to exist. I don't need to be nice because I'm a lesbian. I don't need to 'uncle Tom', it doesn't work.

I don't actually need anyone's approval, I don't need people 'on board'. My right to exist and love who I want to is absolute and does not depend on anyone else. I don't need to ask permission.

I'm sorry that you think otherwise and I wonder if you'd ask the same of a heterosexual woman?

SilentlyScreamingAgain "I promise you, straight people don't need to have a special day of acceptance of their sexuality." Did I say we did?

"All of society is set up, not just to accept but the actively celebrate love between heterosexuals. Every single time you turn on the tellybox, you will see straight couples staring in the soaps, being at the centre of the dramas and selling coffee."

I know that, I totally get that. I'm not talking about accepting straight people, I was talking about my (in your mind) wrong assumption that straight people attending pride was a good thing. I do not need to go on a pride march to be accepting of gay people. And because I am not a fan of crowds, I won't be going anyway. But I am just confused because I had really through that there was a general assumption it was a good thing for everyone to join in Pride.

"Please have a look at the list I posted above with an open mind and take a few moments to imagine what it would be like not to be part of the accepted and acceptable majority." OK, I did, and I agree it must be horrible. And Yes, all true.

I think you may be confusing my motives, I don't want to muscle in on Pride in the slightest, I am just genuinely surprised, I had not heard this argument before.

I think the most profound thing to make me understand issues around being gay (as a straight person) is this film, which is excellent, but very scary.

]

"Imagine what it would be like to have one day when that was not the case and then to have that day eroded." If you feel as if this is your one day, I can totally understand how this would feel.

However, gay people I have not met and known have not talked about having only one day, they are trying for their baby in a lesbian couple, they are working in the church serving others, they are studying etc. They are more than one day. But I do get where you are coming from.

I feel it is a useful debate to have, and I now do not need to feel guilty for not supporting my local pride as at least one gay person would not want me there.

night night.

@dustarr73, I'm not sure where you've got the idea that the entire LGBTQ* community didn't just invite you to celebrate Pride but actually demanded your attendance on pain of telling you that you 'didn't care' if you didn't show up but I know I didn't put my name to the summons you received.

You imagine you need to be included for the event to be inclusive, do you feel this way about all gatherings? Your life must be an exhausting social whirl. I worked at 4 Pride festivals one year and my liver is still not right, how do you manage with the Women of Colour events too or the trans ones? What about the disabled sisters, I hope they don't have to try and get by without you?

Ugh its afraid again.
Afraid I pray your dh comes to his senses and sends this poor boy back where he belongs. With family who love him.
Your husbands vile and you stand by him. You will fuck this kid up and he will hate you both. Ah well as long as your good Christians eh?

SilentlyScreamingAgain I think you're being harsh in your approach and putting a blanket ban on heterosexuals attending gay pride or watering down the figures until it's a number to your liking BUT at the same time I get it. I was at a pride event and kissed another man and a woman asked me to stop it because it was in front of her young daughter and it was making her feel uncomfortable. (It was a kiss not a full on x-rated snog). Before I got with my boyfriend and I was single there would be so many times I chatted up or flirted with a guy and he angrily told me he was straight and to fuck off. This was in gay clubs so they obviously felt it handy to drink and hang out in there but the idea of someone thinking they are gay was a reaction that made them angry. So I understand how you feel. But alienating and discriminating against straight (genuine) allies is not the way to go. These people will stand up for you in your time of need and their attending pride is a way of showing that solidarity.

I am not sure exactly what happens during this event and would hesitate to let a child of 14 go to an event which focuses on sexuality.

WTF do you think is going on, mass orgy? People march. It's fun. Even companies march, the likes of Google, IBM, Facebook etc. It's not about sexuality in terms of the act itself, it's about the LGBT community being able to enjoy the same rights in terms of legal partnership and being able to show their affection in public as heterosexual couples.