14 year old son wanted to go to a pride event today, DH says he was too young! Was he BU?

[ChangingThatName]

Is DH being unreasonable?

Our 14 year old asked me if we could go to a pride event today. My DH quickly interrupted with a 'definitely not' and tbh, I didn't see much of an issue with it, but then began to wonder. Is he a bit too young to go to a pride event? Was DH being unreasonable?

I haven't RTFT. I'm part of Team Pride so a volunteer who helps the event run smoothly.

Pride in London this year was centered on Love. The theme was "Love Happens Here" and the weekend is colourful and friendly.

That said I am not sure I would let a 14 year old go without an adult tbh. London is busy, crowded, there are road closures and things. Does he have an older sibling or friend he could go with?

I think "certainly not" said in a brisk way could be construed as homophobic, but I am also thinking of the practicalities of lots of chaos and later in the day lots of drinking. Could you and he go together next year or to another one somewhere else in the UK (Brighton or Manchester)? Or all of the family together? It's family friendly in general except for the late night in Soho bit perhaps.

If you're still around today (Sunday) there is a family-friendly event in Vauxhall which is something like a village fete with a dog show and baking contest called "Pride in the Park", no parade though and probably fewer flamboyant outfits.

I was at a pride event and kissed another man and a woman asked me to stop it because it was in front of her young daughter and it was making her feel uncomfortable. (It was a kiss not a full on x-rated snog).

That woman was an idiot and as a mother of a young DD I'd tell her to fuck off. If you take a child to The Pride to support the LGBT community, it has to be genuine.
Mind you, my DD screams yuck when she sees two people kissing but that's her being a drama llama at 7 and has nothing to do with homo or heterosexuality. I can't remember the movie we watched anymore that featured a gay couple and we were also talking marriage equality so a man kissing a man would get the same reaction as a man kissing a woman. I believe if you explain it as being normal, children will simply accept it.

SilentlyScreamingAgain I have wondered about this - whether I ought to exclude myself from Pride on the basis that I am married to DH. However I feel at home with the LGBT+. Last year I marched with my employer and this year I volunteered to help the parade to run smoothly. I felt welcome but do wonder whether I ought to sit on the sidelines.

It's not the same as parking in a disabled parking space, though, is it. Parking is a zero-sum game. I park there, you can't park there. If I celebrate Pride, that does not stop a lesbian or gay person from celebrating too.

*LGBT+ crowd.

It's an event celebrating sexuality, but he isn't old enough to be having legal sex. On that basis, I would say too young. I wouldn't let my daughter at 14 attend an event celebrating heterosexual sex. It's not appropriate for kids.

No. Actually Pride is a celebration of the decriminalisation of homosexuality and how far this country has come since that time.

It continues to exist to fight for true equality and challenge prejudices that the LGBT community still faces.

Much more that 'celebrating sexuality'.

HTH

EVEN so, can't a 14 year old ponder their sexuality without actually having sex?

Been back and RTFT.

Opened mouthed at Afraid's comments.
What a disgrace.

I wouldn't let a 1 year old go to the London event on their own. Not because it's Pride, but because it's a big march and very crowded. With an adult, fine

HAHAHAHA 14 year old!

Bertrand

"I wouldn't let my daughter at 14 attend an event celebrating heterosexual sex."

Gosh. Has she never been to a wedding? Or a ballet?

Quote of the thread!

.... Also, if London. I think maybe an adult there, to help interpret the gimp masks etc might help. I don't think he's too young to see these things, as part of the greater (lovely) celebration, but they aren't a part of your average carnival so a chat about that would be helpful

God everyone is so cool and liberal here aren't they?

Although my DP did suggest taking our 4yo. My objection was safety based, I'm not keen on attending massive events at the moment (also the 4yo has no filter and would ask a lot of questions, loudly )

not being unreasonable, imo.

I wouldn't let my 14 yr old make a day trip to a music festival alone, or go to a gig alone, this is fairly similar. Might be nice if you could find someone to take him?

I have never been to a Pride before, I am bi but to all the world I would seem straight as I only had one girlfriend and met my husband when I was a teen and we married soon after. I have been to gay clubs with gay friends in my younger days but I've not been well enough for any clubs for some years.

This year I am going to a Pride event, I am taking my 14 year old daughter, she is a lesbian and wanted to go. I am taking her because I want to support her but there is a part of me that wants to go to experience it so maybe I am one of these seemingly straight people taking over; but I don't feel any entitlement to be there and it isn't a free event, I have bought entry wristbands for us.

The saddest thing about it is that we are travelling a few miles to go to a Pride, despite the fact I live in a very large town with a huge population I just can't imagine a Pride event being run here without major protest and that feels awful.

We went to Birmingham pride this year and took dd 15. She adored it and saw some artists she's been desperate to see, roared at the drag queen comedians, danced in the dance tents. After a shitty year we had one of the best weekends ever.

also the 4yo has no filter and would ask a lot of questions, loudly

Last year the slogan was #nofilter

Questions are expected. Children are curious. The safety side has to be a parenting decision though. Bring her next year? It's a lovely event for families.

We stumbled along a Pride event in a nearby city last year. My then 5 year old asked what it was about so I told him it was about people celebrating loving each other.

As to "letting" a 14 year old go, it would be case of knowing the place and event. It's not the LGBT element that I'd have concerns with, it's being a public event that could potentially attract civil disturbance, and that would apply to other types of marches.

silently we were asked to go and spent the day with gay friends (who are also dds God parents) it was the week after the Manchester attacks and many people didn't attend.
I felt scared but knowing what pride represents I felt it important to go.
We spoke a lot to dd about the history of persecution of gay and lesbian people and the current situation in some countries.
Surely that's more proactive that hiding her away.

I go to pride. Last year i went with 62 year old catholic auntie. It was a blast. She loved it. Being catholic (or christian) is not synonymous with 'dont talk about the gays, you might make people gay'.

Anyway while i had a great time. However i would not let a 14 year old go. Nothing to do with sex or sexuality. But everyone is drinking alot and there are times it gets out of hand.

There are very few families at the one in my nearest cities. The ones there are dont hang around long.

So it may depend on the history of that particular pride.

Pride is about encouraging diversity and tolerance; I am always surprised when people say heterosexual people shouldn't go. It's an event the promotes inclusivity, yet some people are quite open to say that a huge proportion of our society should not attend.

The only people who should not attend pride are those who go with the sole objective of causing trouble.

OP. I think your DH was being unreasonable; however, I don't fully understand why he said no. Is it because he is a homophobe or because he feels that DS is actually too young for parts of the event (say the alcohol) or to be thinking about sexuality (particularly his own). Is your DS questioning his sexuality?

I think it should have been a discussion that led to the decision not to go; a discussion between all of you.

It's not the same as parking in a disabled parking space, though, is it. Parking is a zero-sum game. I park there, you can't park there. If I celebrate Pride, that does not stop a lesbian or gay person from celebrating too.

It has become a zero sum game. As I explained earlier, this year there was a limit of 26k people in the parade and not every LGBTQ* person who wanted to march, was able to because so many of those places were taken up by hertosexual people.

Additionally, many charities who work with LGBTQ* people spend a large chunk of their resources they have around raising their visibility at Pride. For example, an LGBT domestic violence charity spent a great deal having cards, lanyards and ribbons printed up, so that the community would know if their existence and have their phone number on hand if they ever needed it.

Their stall was hit by wave upon wave of charming, straight teenage girls who thought that the rainbow ribbons and lanyards were too pretty to leave for those they were intended for. The problem is that in every group of teenagers, there probably was an LGBTQ* youth but it's impossible to single those people, who actually might need help, out.

For a single charity, that's a pain in the arse but when it's multiplied hundreds of times, over so many different charities, it's damaging to the work people are trying to do.

I don't actually want a full blanket ban on straight people. What I'd like is for it to be recognised that a tipping point has been reached when there are so many straight people at Pride, that the event is being damaged.

I'd also like people to recognise that asking them not to use resources not intended for them isn't discriminating against them.

Afraid, you asked how my mum could have improved our relationship without changing her homophobic views.

I suppose the next best thing would have been for her to put her views to one side and accept me. Not to try to talk me out of it. Not to give me the message that my sexuality was immoral or a mental illness. Not to imply that it wasn't real or was just a phase.

The absolute worst thing she did was to encourage me to repress my sexuality. That's unforgivable.

So what do I think you should do?

Stop mentioning that you perceive it as a sin. Just never mention it. Support your dss regardless. Respect him as an individual who is different from you. Acknowledge the huge damage you could do to him by expressing these views. And just support him.

Find him an adult he can talk to. Someone who doesn't hold these views. Find him other gay young people to talk to.

That's a hard thing to do when you truly believe what you do. But it's essential if you want to maintain a relationship with your dss and not do him irreparable harm.

Sorry but he is too young to go to a mostly adult event by himself. I have been been to Pride and don't think it's appropriate for young children unless an adult went along. There a risk like any other event of child sexual exploitation

He is not almost an adult like another poster has said, he is 14 an adult is 18. I think the same rules you would apply to any other big or adult event should be applied here, but apparently all rules go out of the window with this one.

Also people making a lot of assumptions here about OP's husband being homophobic which is disgusting. OP did not say in initial post why her husband said no