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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to give up our dog?

246 replies

pinklemonade84 · 08/07/2017 21:05

We're currently on the local council housing list in a band c as we live with the in laws after moving back to the area after the death of my mum.

My health visitor wrote a letter in support of our housing application as she feels that the environment is not beneficial to dd's development or my mental health. I phoned housing a fortnight later and got through to some incredibly snotty man who made out that because I hadn't been able to complete a 45 minute call to refer myself for counselling and am currently just under the care of my gp that my health visitor was a liar.

The in laws have asked us to be out of here by the end of October and have written confirming that, which we had faxed over to the housing department yesterday.

I phoned to check it had been received and got through to the same man I have previously spoken to. And once again he started with an attitude because only half of the letter had been scanned across to them.

He then proceeded to lecture me about us not having applied for flats that had come up the previous week 45 minutes away. So I explained that we had a dog, that a lot of the flats only seem to take certain age groups and that we were hoping to stay in this area for family support due to dd being epileptic. He got quite patronising and said that we would have to start thinking of our options sooner rather than later and I asked if he was advising us to get rid of our dog to which he replied "I'm advising no such thing" and repeated what he said about thinking about our options. But, it was obvious what he was implying.

I came off the phone and relayed the conversation to my husband who went up the wall and said that when we phone a department for support we shouldn't be made to feel like the dirt beneath their feet.

This dog was bought for us by my mum as our joint christmas present back in 2012 and we adore him. I would eat beans on toast everyday to make sure he had his food if we ever got to a point of not being able to afford to feed him or keep him deflead etc. Aibu in not wanting to get rid of him and wanting to find housing that will allow us to keep him with us?

OP posts:
thefutureisfemale · 09/07/2017 19:21

WATCH HER YOURSELF

OTHER PARENTS OF DC WITH SPECIAL NEEDS MAKE PHONE CALLS AND WATCH THEIR DC AT THE SAME TIME.

Floralnomad · 09/07/2017 19:22

Is your FIL on insulin , if he's that unstable then he should get reviewed . What work did you do then OP as it may be easier for you to get a job and your husband to stay home .

Malfoyy · 09/07/2017 19:36

Why do you need CAB advice with DLA form when you've got an answer for everything!? Fill it in yourself, you're clearly articulate enough and save the appointments for people who really need it. This drives me mad! (And I speak as someone who fills in these forms as per of my job sick of having to 'help' those who don't need it at the cost of those who do having to wait.)

Support letters from people won't mean shit anyway but even less if you haven't got DLA in place already.

You're trying to play the system - having worked in housing I can say you're lucky they haven't found you intentionally homeless for moving from your last place to this temporary arrangement that can conveniently throw you out after a few weeks. Oldest trick in the book. It's no wonder housing bloke sounded like he did - if he even did as you're bound to hear it that way with your attitude!

Also, I find it really unfair that you think you can jump the queue over local people who have lived in the area longer just by having a local connection - yes it's legal but again, annoying and very entitled.

Get real love!

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 19:36

I'm going to be referring myself for counselling. It's not as straight forward as doing the call while I watch her. The health visitor said I needed to have no distractions so that I could give all the details necessary to get me the right help.

Hercules your idea about meeting him on lunch is very doable. Thank you

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 09/07/2017 19:38

Dd never naps or plays happily? I'd pop my sling on and let dd play on the floor while I watched her during the call and if she needed me then the person the other end could wait while I popped her into the sling.

The thing is op, most of us have dc and have had to make phone calls. My dh used to be out the house 7am to 7.30 pm working (with commute) and I still made phone calls, sorted tax office mess ups and even worked freelance which involved making professional calls all while watching a 3 yo and twin babies so I'm afraid your excuse is pathetic and no wonder guy was annoyed as you are completely refusing to help yourself yet expect to sit and have your demands met exactly.

Even when buying a home we all make sacrifices.

Malfoyy · 09/07/2017 19:38

I shouldn't worry about making the phone call either as it'll do sod all to help you get housed! Jeez.

Malfoyy · 09/07/2017 19:39

And lastly, what's the point of referring yourself for counselling if you can find 45mins to refer yourself - how do you expect to attend the sessions!

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 09/07/2017 19:39

Or alternatively, as you have got a degree and have had paid employment before can't you get a job and your DH stay at home to do the childcare/appointments etc? If he is having to do a course in interview techniques etc I would suggest you are a lot more employable than him. He could then get a gig economy job to fit in with needs of your DD

WillRikersExtraNipple · 09/07/2017 19:46

I bid on the properties that I am ALLOWED to bid on!

Well, you bid on the few that are in your preferred area AND take dogs.....

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 19:49

Actually I bid on suitables ones even outside of our preferred area!

OP posts:
thefutureisfemale · 09/07/2017 19:50

You are just...impossible. I sincerely hope the council office tell you and your bloody mutt to do one.

Hercules12 · 09/07/2017 19:53

That's true. You have a degree yet he needs basic skills course. It does sound like you've got better chance of earning more longer term.

Hercules12 · 09/07/2017 19:56

Your uni will probably give you careers advice and support in cv writing.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 19:56

The thing is I would have to make time for the appointments.

And the reason I need them is because I haven't had the time or space to grieve for my mother yet. Please just try and remember that when you're judging me for being upset about everything.

It still haunts me everything that I had to do the early hours of the morning that she died. And I can't get past seeing her wheeled out of her home in a body bag and driven down the road in a private ambulance. To not being able to go and say goodbye to her because she had been cut open during her post mortem and the funeral director said it would have been too distressing.

Please just remember that things have happened to make me need this counselling. Maybe part of me puts it off because it's easier this way than having to deal with all of the above

OP posts:
Hercules12 · 09/07/2017 19:58

Op. You have a child and are about to be homeless. It's time to do something to help yourself. Would you not consider looking for a job?

FreeWeezy · 09/07/2017 20:00

Op I've done the 45 minute call to assess counselling while watching my baby. It really wasn't that difficult. They ask you questions about how you're feeling it's not rocket science.
My mum has wooden floors and when we go there we put a duvet down on the floor so dd can play safely.
Stick something on the floor, plonk dd down and make the call.
You're making things sound a lot more difficult than they are. I understand your dd has a disability but it's not like a phone call is something that cannot be ended and restarted should she have a seizure.
Explain at the start you may need to end at short notice and why and then get it done.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 20:01

I didn't complete my course so I don't have a degree. So my earlier comment about my husband being able to get better work than me is still more accurate. If I did have the degree then yes it would be me looking for work instead of my husband

OP posts:
Toysaurus · 09/07/2017 20:01

This is the biggest load of bullshit
I've ever read.

Hercules12 · 09/07/2017 20:09

Ok. Have you got credits? Any way of completing?

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 20:11

Hercules yes I do have some credits. I passed the first year with a 2:1 so am aiming to look into completing once things are more settled.

OP posts:
Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 09/07/2017 20:11

OP sorry about your mother, but many many people have to go back to go back to work within days of losing a parent to keep a roof over their family's head. I've had 3work colleagues who have lost a child and had to get on with things to keep a roof over their families head. You need to get a grip, maximise the chances of either you or your husband working, i.e. Both be looking for jobs. Get a house or flat anywhere (seriously if you can't get someone to watch your DD for 45 min you have no support worth wrecking the chance of a home for). The dog will have to stay with your parents in law

wondering23 · 09/07/2017 20:14

OP - I really hope you can stop being so defensive, digest these responses properly and realise that you need to take some responsibility for the benefit of your daughter and yourself.

You need to assess your priorities before blaming the support services for being inadequate. You say that you need to be near your PIL for support, yet they can't watch your DD for 45 minutes? You are able to juggle a dog and your DD but can't manage a one-off phone call? The priority is on your DH to find work even though you have been to university and must have some skills/qualifications/experience to fall back on?

Your posts just don't add up and I can't blame the man on the end of the phone for being rude if you came across in the same way you have done this afternoon.

Ultimately you have brought a child into the world and it is no one else's responsibility to keep a roof over her head than yours. Please please take some of these responses on board and don't let her grow up with the same entitled attitude as yours.

Hercules12 · 09/07/2017 20:14

Can you have a deal with in-laws you can stay there whilst you complet3 your degree?
Sorry as awful as it is to lose a parent thats not a reason not to work. If you were in a job you'd get a handful of days off if you're lucky.

LogicalPsycho · 09/07/2017 20:22

You have an answer for everything

And a solution for nothing.

wondering23 · 09/07/2017 20:23

And I'm really sorry about your mum, of course I am, but ultimately the most important thing now is security for your daughter. Whilst there is help available, she is your responsibility and no one else's.