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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to give up our dog?

246 replies

pinklemonade84 · 08/07/2017 21:05

We're currently on the local council housing list in a band c as we live with the in laws after moving back to the area after the death of my mum.

My health visitor wrote a letter in support of our housing application as she feels that the environment is not beneficial to dd's development or my mental health. I phoned housing a fortnight later and got through to some incredibly snotty man who made out that because I hadn't been able to complete a 45 minute call to refer myself for counselling and am currently just under the care of my gp that my health visitor was a liar.

The in laws have asked us to be out of here by the end of October and have written confirming that, which we had faxed over to the housing department yesterday.

I phoned to check it had been received and got through to the same man I have previously spoken to. And once again he started with an attitude because only half of the letter had been scanned across to them.

He then proceeded to lecture me about us not having applied for flats that had come up the previous week 45 minutes away. So I explained that we had a dog, that a lot of the flats only seem to take certain age groups and that we were hoping to stay in this area for family support due to dd being epileptic. He got quite patronising and said that we would have to start thinking of our options sooner rather than later and I asked if he was advising us to get rid of our dog to which he replied "I'm advising no such thing" and repeated what he said about thinking about our options. But, it was obvious what he was implying.

I came off the phone and relayed the conversation to my husband who went up the wall and said that when we phone a department for support we shouldn't be made to feel like the dirt beneath their feet.

This dog was bought for us by my mum as our joint christmas present back in 2012 and we adore him. I would eat beans on toast everyday to make sure he had his food if we ever got to a point of not being able to afford to feed him or keep him deflead etc. Aibu in not wanting to get rid of him and wanting to find housing that will allow us to keep him with us?

OP posts:
FloofyCat · 09/07/2017 18:10

I think you're going to get a little bit toasted on here now Pink. I actually feel a bit for you and I'm worried you will get defensive and won't take it on board. If lots of people say the same thing it might be worth seriously re-assessing your position?

Perhaps it might be a better use of time not arguing on here but starting another thread for help and advice on job search - I'm sure you will have lots of "transferable skills" (nice job hunting word!) from your caring responsibilities. A tip from me (for your DH too) would be to put your SAHP time down as "Carer" rather than just parenting, if that makes sense, and especially for any care jobs, detail the extra skills and knowledge you have. Honestly, if you are both prepared to do care work, or cleaning work, it could be a really good step forward and financially you will be better off, especially with tax credits/DLA. By the way if you're having a nightmare with tax credits, your MP might be worth contacting - HMRC have a department to deal with MP complaints.

I do wish you luck and I hope you realise people saying YABU aren't doing it for the sake of kicking you, but to energise you into realising you can take more control here and help your family.

I'd rather live in a caravan than with my In laws, btw Wink

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 18:12

Because I was only told about the tax credits on friday when I phoned to see if they had received my form! So I have to wait for the award letter to arrive before I can appeal it!

OP posts:
Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 18:13

Citizen's advice were the ones who have told us to apply for dla for dd. And then in turn apply for carers allowance.

OP posts:
SootSprite · 09/07/2017 18:13

You pay for your own food! Wow, well that's big of you eh? Jeez Hmm

thefutureisfemale · 09/07/2017 18:13

Think we should just accept that OP is a complete and utter projector and blames everything on everyone else and will not take responsibility for anything.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 09/07/2017 18:14

And wants everything handed to her on a plate.

Wolfiefan · 09/07/2017 18:15

But the poor man who works at the council is BU as HE had an attitude!
Jeez. I taught teens like this for years.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 18:16

And I have paid taxes too. I'm not some sort of scrounger like you're making out Maxandruby! I don't claim job seekers allowance with my husband because we agreed that my priority for now would be to care for dd and get her to hospital appointments.

OP posts:
thefutureisfemale · 09/07/2017 18:17

Wouldn't you be better using this time to...look for a job? Sort your tax credits online? Bid for houses? Clear the floor so your DC can safely play?
Anything other than make pitiful excuses?

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 18:17

SootSprite I pointed out that we pay for our own food AND contribute what we can because it was implied that the in laws were funding us completely!

OP posts:
Toysaurus · 09/07/2017 18:25

Floral I believe you can If the baby's needs are exceptionally more that babies without a disability. But it's even harder to get. If that's possible.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 09/07/2017 18:25

No, you don't claim jobseekers because you are not job seeking, and that would be fraud.
you have an answer for everything.

Thisarmingman · 09/07/2017 18:26

Maxandruby council housing was never intended to be a temporary safety net but a way of providing the population with affordable homes. All of the population.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 09/07/2017 18:28

But not the dog population. And no, it was never intended for ALL of the population, obviously.

thefutureisfemale · 09/07/2017 18:30

I'm going to die of natural age related causes before the poster actually DOES something to help herself..

And I'm 24

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 09/07/2017 18:34

I'm sorry but you are about to be made homeless, you don't get to prioritise being a sahm mum. Work evenings or nights when DH is back from work, do a zero hours contract that allows you to work round appointments. Both of you should be job hunting. Then whoever gets a job first takes that the other parent can do hospital appointments. I get the feeling that you have grown up on benefits and really cannot see what is wrong with your position. And yes if you have actively chosen to not look for work to fund a lifestyle choice of being a sahm whilst your partner is not working and expect a council house and start complainh cos you might have to live more than 45 min away (my commute is longer than that as is the case with most of my colleagues) you are being astoundingly unreasonable!

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 18:35

Some of you with your holier than thou attitudes are ridiculous!

WillRikersExtraNipple why would I claim jobseekers if I wasn't searching for a job?

thefutureisfemale actually I search on a daily basis for private rent properties. I bid on the properties that I am ALLOWED to bid on! I search for suitable jobs for my husband. Don't just assume that I'm not doing anything!

OP posts:
Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 18:38

Actually that's where you're wrong. My mum was on DLA due to the severity of her disabilities so yes while I was a child I lived on benefits. But since leaving home for university I worked in between being a carer for my mum when her relationship with my dad broke down. I didn't claim benefits unless I actually needed to!

OP posts:
thefutureisfemale · 09/07/2017 18:38

It just appears that you're currently arguing the toss on MN about how you simply cannot do anything to help yourself- as opposed to doing anything- like make time for a phone call?

TeaCake5 · 09/07/2017 18:39

OP you are entitled and trying to con the housing system. Shameful.

Wolfiefan · 09/07/2017 18:42

You won't accept that you may need to move. That you may not be able to take the dog.
You didn't send the whole letter or do the 45 min appointment to help yourself.
You're not actually going to be made homeless. You just don't think where you are is acceptable. (Or they are fed up of subbing you.)
You say you need their support but they can't watch one child for 45 mins while you do the appointment and it's also not healthy so you need to move out away from them?

vikingprincess81 · 09/07/2017 18:43

Op, you've made several posts on here about how difficult it is living with your ILs. I'd suggest it's actually better to get away from them from all you've written before.
Although 45 mins may seem difficult when you have excellent medical care, there could be equally good medical care in the new area. Just try to be more flexible - you might find that helps.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 18:44

Actually no we are not trying to con the housing system! We applied. We supplied all of the necessary information. I spoke to my health visitor about how I was feeling, who advised to go to the local charity. Who then advised to try and get these supporting letters. I have been nothing but honest and followed the advice that I have been given! So don't imply that I'm trying to commit fraud and con the housing system!

OP posts:
Thisarmingman · 09/07/2017 18:44

So it would be better if the OP and her husband worked 60 hours a week each to pay off some landlord's pension pot? A landlord that btw is extremely unlikely to allow dogs?

ConcreteUnderpants · 09/07/2017 18:45

Instead of spending all this time making excuses on MN, couldn't you have made those calls about the counselling/tax credits?

Perhaps you could ask the Job Centre about any Time Management course they run....