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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to give up our dog?

246 replies

pinklemonade84 · 08/07/2017 21:05

We're currently on the local council housing list in a band c as we live with the in laws after moving back to the area after the death of my mum.

My health visitor wrote a letter in support of our housing application as she feels that the environment is not beneficial to dd's development or my mental health. I phoned housing a fortnight later and got through to some incredibly snotty man who made out that because I hadn't been able to complete a 45 minute call to refer myself for counselling and am currently just under the care of my gp that my health visitor was a liar.

The in laws have asked us to be out of here by the end of October and have written confirming that, which we had faxed over to the housing department yesterday.

I phoned to check it had been received and got through to the same man I have previously spoken to. And once again he started with an attitude because only half of the letter had been scanned across to them.

He then proceeded to lecture me about us not having applied for flats that had come up the previous week 45 minutes away. So I explained that we had a dog, that a lot of the flats only seem to take certain age groups and that we were hoping to stay in this area for family support due to dd being epileptic. He got quite patronising and said that we would have to start thinking of our options sooner rather than later and I asked if he was advising us to get rid of our dog to which he replied "I'm advising no such thing" and repeated what he said about thinking about our options. But, it was obvious what he was implying.

I came off the phone and relayed the conversation to my husband who went up the wall and said that when we phone a department for support we shouldn't be made to feel like the dirt beneath their feet.

This dog was bought for us by my mum as our joint christmas present back in 2012 and we adore him. I would eat beans on toast everyday to make sure he had his food if we ever got to a point of not being able to afford to feed him or keep him deflead etc. Aibu in not wanting to get rid of him and wanting to find housing that will allow us to keep him with us?

OP posts:
Coastalcommand · 09/07/2017 00:36

Don't give up your dog. Sounds like you just got through to a grumpy man a couple of times.
Houses do come up, and in a variety of areas. Private landlords do often accept dogs, or at least that was my experience. Try not to worry.

bluediamonds · 09/07/2017 08:54

In my area (south east). You have to bid for 3 properties and if you don't they will bid on your behalf. It may not be the same for you but bear it in mind. Also when I got a property in an area I didn't want managed to find a swap to the area I wanted to be in, although in doing so I had to give up my secure tenancy and took on a 10year tenancy, however I swapped from a flat to a house so I was happy. So don't panic I'm sure everything will be ok. Good luck bidding. And do bid strategically to get u ultimately to where u want to be iykwim.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 09:04

I don't think there's a particular minimum amount of houses I can bid on or a maximum. It just has to be the ones that I'm interested in.

For example this week I've bid on 3 houses in our area (there's no flats for couples with children this week). At the moment on average 55 bids have been placed on them. One we're 16-20 and the other two we're 31-35. Yet if I was to bid on a flat that doesn't accept children we would be 1-5 or 6-10. Which doesn't make any sense as we have a 1 year old.

We are looking for private rentals in the meantime though. It's not a secure tenancy, but it would be our own place, which I would gladly take at the moment.

OP posts:
harshbuttrue1980 · 09/07/2017 09:30

If you won't move further away or rehome your dog, you'll just have to accept that you may well end up being homeless. They'll give you a place in a b&b and you'll have to get rid of the dog anyway. You sound ridiculously precious. You are aware that some people have to sleep rough?? You are lucky to be in a situation where the council are at least trying to help you. Some people are desperate for housing, and you clearly aren't. I live in an over-priced, insecure private rental and can't get on the social housing list as I don't have kids. You clearly don't want a council house badly enough, so I can see why the man was impatient with you. Just be grateful and stop being so choosy.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 09:35

What and give up the one thing I have left that my mum gave me? How does that make me precious?

Of course I'm aware that some people have to sleep rough. I'm not totally blind to other people's situations!

The one thing I AM being choosy about is area. If we didn't need the family support then we would have stayed where we were! So for us to be pushed into bidding on flats so far away when we moved to this specific area for the family support is crazy!

OP posts:
ginnybag · 09/07/2017 09:52

Where in the northwest? I live near Bury and I know that we're lucky here not to have a shortage of housing.

Friends of mine were in a very similar position to you last year. They got a house within a couple of weeks. They have two dogs.

It's not on the nicest estate but neither is it horrible.

I don't know if that helps?

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 10:01

Unfortunately we're not in that area. We're in west Cheshire. So around the Northwich/Winsford/Middlewich area

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 09/07/2017 10:58

Social housing is for making sure humans have a secure roof over their heads, not for them to facilitate to the keeping of animals.

Thisarmingman · 09/07/2017 11:14

Oh don't be so bloody daft. Most council tenancies for houses allow pets. Council tenants are actually normal people with all the same varied aspects to our lives as anyone else and for many of us that includes keeping pets. Just because you are a council tenant it doesn't mean you need to live your life in sackcloth and ashes.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 11:15

We have had the dog for almost 5 years. He is part of our family! Dd absolutely adores him. Of course we don't want to give him up.

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Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 11:16

Thisarmingman some people obviously seem to think that's how we should be living.

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Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 11:22

I just want to repeat that I'm not refusing all flats. Just the ones so far away. The flats he was referring to from last week were also ones that were for adults only. And we can't bid on them because we have dd.

OP posts:
Witchend · 09/07/2017 11:54

I think though you don't seem to be realising how hard it can be to get a council tenancy is some areas.

My friend took 7/8 months despite being at the top end of the rating system simply because so few places that she could bid on came up. She got the second she bid on, and was second on the first she bid on-that tells you how high she was.

What he is telling you is that if you insist on being in a particular area (even if you've widened it from your initial idea) and having a dog and having a child will very much reduce your chances. If you have a deadline of October you can't really afford to reduce your chance. He's just trying to get across to you that you may end up in B&B (here you can't keep the dog anyway) in October-or your IL's won't throw you out anyway and you may find that then the council will assume you can stay at your IL indefinitely, which will move you further down the list.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 12:08

Initially we wanted to get on the same estate as the in laws due to practicalities if I had to take dd to hospital. But in our area this estate is quite popular, so properties on here very rarely come up. So we've widened our search to all areas in this town.

We initially said we would never aim for a particular area because of the reputation it has. But, we've now decided to consider this and make of it what we will.

If the worst came to the worst then I'm sure the in laws will take our dog in as they love him as much as we do. Which would open up our search a bit.

I don't mind being 20 minutes away or even half an hour if needs be. But 45 minutes and having to get through a city centre really does put me off a particular area

OP posts:
OverTheHammer · 09/07/2017 12:11

Where in the country are you? Could someone foster your dog until you are in a position to take him back?

WillRikersExtraNipple · 09/07/2017 12:16

He was trying to tell you that you can't afford to be choosy. You're telling them that you will be homeless in 3 months and you want them to give you a home, you can't shirty with them about keeping your dog!

JsOtherHalf · 09/07/2017 12:36

Do you have written support from your consultant about how close ( in time) your DD should be from the hospital she is being treated at?

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 12:36

The in laws would take him in if needs be until we were able to have him back

There's a way to talk to people and being shirty with me (twice now) when I've been nothing but polite to him isn't on!

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Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 12:38

JsOtherHalf we have a community epilepsy nurse who I'm going to phone tomorrow and see if she can be of any support. Dd's last consultant just couldn't be bothered with her and just wanted to leave us to get on with it. This new one is amazing and I really don't want to have to leave her area

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Toysaurus · 09/07/2017 12:50

You aren't desperate enough and that's fair enough. There are people out there who need a home more than you do. If you don't like certain areas because of their reputation and you consider going through a town centre too much like hard work, you really aren't homeless enough.

You are not at that stage where you are frightened to death. Sleeping on floors with children. Willing to take a flat in a shitty area where pub karaoke next door keeps your kids up until 3am and drunk people fight in the doorway at 6.30am. That's what homeless is. Desperation. Not the - oh I'm not keen on that area, or I don't want to have to go through a town centre.

We all need to be near our support network. My children did. They had needs and social and medical care that needed to kept in place. And life is harder when you move away from that. You do have to travel more. It is tiring. But homeless people do not have the luxury of that much choice. 45 minutes is absolutely nothing.

harshbuttrue1980 · 09/07/2017 12:57

Toysaurus, you said it better than me!! OP, if you were truly desperate for a home you wouldn't care about travelling 45 minutes. Being frank, if I was the housing officer, I'd move people like you down to the bottom of the list and give housing to those who are truly needy. Lots of people would jump at the chance of a secure tenancy in a safe, damp free home. You wouldn't jump at the chance and just set silly conditions, so you can sort yourself out and find your dream house on the private rental market.

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 13:05

Of course I'm going to be upset at him implying that we need to get rid of the dog so that they can try and force us into bidding on homes that are so far away! Like I've already said, if we had known this was going to happen then we would have stayed where we were and struggled without the support. But for us to move here for that reason and then be almost forced into bidding on properties so far away isn't something that I'm going to be jumping for joy over!

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Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 13:06

And like I've already stated we are looking at the private rental market too. We're not just depending on social housing. If something suitable came up through private rent then I would jump st the opportunity

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Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 09/07/2017 13:24

You need to widen your search area obviously nothing is coming up.i have to live 1.5hours from my elderly parents who need my support, DH as to live 3hours away from his elderly parents and brother with bad mental health issues. We have no support for our child because that's where we need to work. Most people I know have very little family support due to distance. Its about being realistic. It sounds like your wish list can't be met by a very limited social housing stock so you will have to compromise. It's the HA job to house people who are in desperate need of a roof over their heads they are not Phil and Kirsty trying to find your dream property

Original poster
pinklemonade84 · 09/07/2017 13:41

Of course the council won't be able to provide us with our dream property. It would be ridiculous of me to even assume that!

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