to not want to give up our dog?

[pinklemonade84]

We're currently on the local council housing list in a band c as we live with the in laws after moving back to the area after the death of my mum.

My health visitor wrote a letter in support of our housing application as she feels that the environment is not beneficial to dd's development or my mental health. I phoned housing a fortnight later and got through to some incredibly snotty man who made out that because I hadn't been able to complete a 45 minute call to refer myself for counselling and am currently just under the care of my gp that my health visitor was a liar.

The in laws have asked us to be out of here by the end of October and have written confirming that, which we had faxed over to the housing department yesterday.

I phoned to check it had been received and got through to the same man I have previously spoken to. And once again he started with an attitude because only half of the letter had been scanned across to them.

He then proceeded to lecture me about us not having applied for flats that had come up the previous week 45 minutes away. So I explained that we had a dog, that a lot of the flats only seem to take certain age groups and that we were hoping to stay in this area for family support due to dd being epileptic. He got quite patronising and said that we would have to start thinking of our options sooner rather than later and I asked if he was advising us to get rid of our dog to which he replied "I'm advising no such thing" and repeated what he said about thinking about our options. But, it was obvious what he was implying.

I came off the phone and relayed the conversation to my husband who went up the wall and said that when we phone a department for support we shouldn't be made to feel like the dirt beneath their feet.

This dog was bought for us by my mum as our joint christmas present back in 2012 and we adore him. I would eat beans on toast everyday to make sure he had his food if we ever got to a point of not being able to afford to feed him or keep him deflead etc. Aibu in not wanting to get rid of him and wanting to find housing that will allow us to keep him with us?

Pink. You seem to be really struggling to move forward. You need to prioritise, write a list. Top of your list is securing a roof over your heads. What is stopping you getting that? Which of these things can you do something about. You don't have local support so you could move anywhere really. It's become clear a45 min journey is not actually a real problem. Alternative accommodation for your dog is available so you don't need pet friendly accommodation. That should widen your search criteria to effectively the whole country 2bed accomodation. Either you or your DH could work so you should both be job hunting and therefore could both be claiming JSA. If your DH gets a job you could complete your degree and then get a job and more away from dependency on the welfare state and create a good example for DD and provide better life opportunities for her. Nothing you have mentioned should stop you doing any of the above. Yes you have had some very bad times with the death of your mum and diagnosis of your daughters epilepsy. But you are a mother now and have a responsibility to slay whatever dragons get in your way to ensure she has a safe a secure home

Thank you Maxandruby

I agree the priority is to get us our own place sorted.

I've made a council application this evening to the next borough where my husband's brother lives. There seems to be a lot more suitable accomodation there (even flats that will accept the dog).

I've just signed up to the carers uk website to try and access bereavement support. I'm struggling with that and I think part of that is what's making me so determined to do everything I can to keep the dog with us.

I would really like to complete my degree and I like the idea of once my husband is in work looking into me getting that completed to maximise my employment opportunities

Well done, op. That all sounds very positive. Sensible to complete your degree.

That's great news pink. Sometimes it's easy to get overwhelmed and then it's hard to think about alternatives or summon the strength of you are trying to deal everything. Once your accomodation is sorted just move onto the next priority and think I can do this. Fingers crossed something is available near your bil. I always have my short and long term goals to help me over the bumps. If you don't know the destination it's hard to plan a route.

This is my just my take, having followed the whole thread. You have a young child with additional, complex needs and you are grieving the loss of your mum. You cannot risk homelessness by digging your heels in about the dog. I adore my fluffy mutt. He's family and I'd be crushed and fully grieving if I had to let him go. However, you have a complicated situatiom and children come before dogs, even if they're family. If you're as desperate as you say you are, you will accept the heartbreak of losing the dog.

That's what I meant about checklist. It was hard for me health wise but I had to hassle...
ask for early help with social services - they can really help with housing.
Apply for DLA asap- it's a gateway to a lot more help.
Make sure tax credits are done. You can do that online. Don't wait for the claim pack it's unnecessary delay.
Bid on everything but realistically you need a change in priority.
At C you could sit there forever..,
I had to fill an an extra form re health and needs. I will see if it applies to where you are. The hospital fill it in and it has massive sway.

I think we might stand more of a chance in this other borough because it covers the same town that her hospital is in.

When I phoned tax credits on Friday they said I had to wait for the decision letter to come through before I could appeal it. But I'll try and phone them in the morning before my husband goes on his course, just to double check

Op. Well done keep us up to date as to what happens. You're starting to sound like a fighting mum! Every time you think you can't just think of where you want to be for your daughter

Just sending some to the OP. She's had an unnecessarily hard time on this thread. Good luck with everything.

If it's about money coming in go online and change your income that wAy takes five minutes.
DLA for your daughter applied for? I cannot understand If you have an in community nurse and a child that fits that regularly with no warning why you still haven't replied.

To be honest I wasn't aware that we were eligible for it until we went to cab. And they said to phone them when the form arrived so that they could make me an appointment to help me to fill it in (which is this thursday).

Good for you to be looking elsewhere. The fact that your IL are unable to provide 45min childcare while you make a call shows that living near them for support shouldn't really be a priority - more like a bonus if possible.

I would still encourage you to make the call with DD there - looked after by FIL or napping for ex. Worse case scenario you have to stop the call and start again another time (does it really matter if they are not able to save your answers? It is 45min not 4 hours)

Phoned tax credits and got no further. They're still insisting that I wait for the letter to come through before I can ask for a reconsideration/appeal.

Turns out fil has actually got an appointment later this week that coincides with when dd goes down for a nap (if she doesn't fight it like she has been doing lately). So I'm going to try and tire dd out so she goes down for me and make the call then, so I have the house to myself to make it in peace.

Need to get some paperwork together for the other council application so I'm going to sit upstairs with dd later, pop her in her cot with some toys and go through the paperwork.

This all sounds really positive op, well done. I really hope everything works out for you.

This is great news OP, all sounds much more positive. Good luck with everything.

Pink I don't know if this is any use to you, but you've made such a good start and I know how much admin is involved in moving house, having a child with SN, tax credit problems etc - what about a list app for your phone, or even a notebook where you can write everything down you need to do. (I use TickTick on my iPhone). You will be really organised and best of all you get to tick stuff off It really helps me, especially when things seem to be overwhelming. With TickTick you can even assign priorities and due dates to items

I know you've been at uni but if you have lived with your mum and then your in laws, have your DH and you ever lived alone with your DD? With a child that needs constant supervision (I had one too) it can be scary I know but if you could see it as a great opportunity and a chance to be your own proper little family it may be less terrifying

I would also get your DH to look after your DD solo more, he absolutely needs to be able to do this, not just for their relationship but for you. It's too much to have that responsibility on one person's shoulders. This would also be a good opportunity for you to use it to get time for you on your own and do any admin stuff in peace.

I don't mean any of this patronisingly at all so hope it doesn't come across like that. You have a lot to deal with and it's horrible being in an insecure situation. I hope you get suitable accommodation soon and your DH gets a good job too

Oh and I would absolutely recommend help from CBA or a relevant charity for help with completing the DLA forms. The charity relevant to my DCs' condition actually had help sheets you could print off. They take a lot of time and knowledge to complete. They are also very depressing as you are concentrating on the negative rather than the positive. Only having to do them once correctly so you don't have to appeal takes a lot of time. The SN boards here are very helpful too.

Definitely a and when they are complete - if your DD is entitled to it it would help you a lot financially as you can then get Carers Allowance and if your DH gets work, your tax credits will include an extra premium (I don't know about universal credit though hopefully you're not in that area).

Floofy we had our own house 5 minutes up the road from my mum. We were on hand should any extra help be needed if someone else was on night duty (for example the night before she passed away). It was my dream home. Big rooms. Space for dd to play. It had it's problems but we worked past them. Unfortunately when we got made redundant, because the landlords wanted to sell they wouldn't accept housing benefit, which is what made us decide to come over here.

Thank you for the app recommendation. I'll have a look at the alternatives for android as I have a samsung.

Thankfully the dla forms should be completed this thursday afternoon with help from the cab. Hopefully it goes ok and we don't have to appeal xx

Well done Pink :) small regular steps is what it takes.

You've been through a lot so it is understandable that you're full of emotions from time to time. It isn't easy but you're doing great.

I'm doing similar admin today and this week so will be thinking of you