to not want to give up our dog?

[pinklemonade84]

We're currently on the local council housing list in a band c as we live with the in laws after moving back to the area after the death of my mum.

My health visitor wrote a letter in support of our housing application as she feels that the environment is not beneficial to dd's development or my mental health. I phoned housing a fortnight later and got through to some incredibly snotty man who made out that because I hadn't been able to complete a 45 minute call to refer myself for counselling and am currently just under the care of my gp that my health visitor was a liar.

The in laws have asked us to be out of here by the end of October and have written confirming that, which we had faxed over to the housing department yesterday.

I phoned to check it had been received and got through to the same man I have previously spoken to. And once again he started with an attitude because only half of the letter had been scanned across to them.

He then proceeded to lecture me about us not having applied for flats that had come up the previous week 45 minutes away. So I explained that we had a dog, that a lot of the flats only seem to take certain age groups and that we were hoping to stay in this area for family support due to dd being epileptic. He got quite patronising and said that we would have to start thinking of our options sooner rather than later and I asked if he was advising us to get rid of our dog to which he replied "I'm advising no such thing" and repeated what he said about thinking about our options. But, it was obvious what he was implying.

I came off the phone and relayed the conversation to my husband who went up the wall and said that when we phone a department for support we shouldn't be made to feel like the dirt beneath their feet.

This dog was bought for us by my mum as our joint christmas present back in 2012 and we adore him. I would eat beans on toast everyday to make sure he had his food if we ever got to a point of not being able to afford to feed him or keep him deflead etc. Aibu in not wanting to get rid of him and wanting to find housing that will allow us to keep him with us?

Nobody is forcing you into anything; you are asking for something you say you need.
Your attitude is shocking, so entitled.

Actually that's how it came across to me. That he was trying to force me to bid on these properties that wouldn't accept the dog.

The system is a choice based bidding system. The key word being choice.

You can choose all you like but you'll choose yourself into homelessness. You might want to choose a bit of gratitude as well.

How am I not grateful? Because I don't want to have to move so far away from our support network? Because I don't want to give up our dog?

But if there aren't properties available in your chosen area that allow pets then what will you do? It's not about being grateful if someone trying to force you into anything. It's just the reality.

This is all of your own doing. You keep saying "if we had known.." But you should of known, because you should of done your research before hand. So tough luck.

Also, no, it doesn't sound like he was saying to get rid of the dog. It sounds as if he was saying that in general, you need to be more open and flexible. Be that flatwise, location wise etc.

You need to assess what is most important to you and work from there. You've said many times now on this thread that you have now broadened your search net, which is great, now actually give it time to start having an effect and re-assess again in two or three weeks if you still haven't got anywhere.

Oh dear, OP, I really sympathise. It's so tough and stressful moving. Fair enough to feel the housing guy was rude to you, but I suppose he has a variety of the same conversations every day with people needing to be housed who all have their own good reasons for wanting something else, something better, something different. Must be frustrating for him too when it seems people are rejecting options or limiting themselves. Doesn't mean he should have made you feel bad, but his job is to point out the limits to what can be done for you so you understand your choices.

TBH if you can afford private rental then you are best concentrating on that as you'll be able to fulfill more of your criteria. Social housing is just not set up to offer you those options/luxury of choice.

Were you in social housing before you moved? Did you research it before moving back?

I wasn't complaining though! He's the one who took the attitude with me. All I had phoned for was to enquire how long it would take for the letter from my in laws to be actioned. He's the one who chose to go through our bidding history and make comments about it. And when I said that we hadn't bid on certain flats because of the dog that's when he started to imply about having to get rid.

I didn't expect him to be all sweetness and light but I certainly didn't expect to be spoken to the way that I was. Or made to feel as worthless as the dirt beneath his feet!

He didn't get the whole letter.
You haven't referred for counselling.
But you're expecting him to find you the right property in the right location that will accept the dog. This may not exist.
Can you not see why he may have a bit of an attitude? He's frustrated.

I'm very confused , how many children do you have and where were you living before ? I sympathise about the dog , but then I don't think I would ever get a cat/ dog if I were renting for this very reason . Surely the worse scenario is leave the dog at the inlaws . It's very little use saying he's all you have left of your mum , did she have no keepsakes ?

We have 1 dd.

We were living in a private rented house near my mum as we were both carers for her. When she passed away we were both made redundant. We carried on oaying rent for as long as we could but the landlords would not accept housing benefit as they wanted to sell the property. Which is why we moved to be near my husband's family and moved in with his parents while we got set up.

Of course the way people talk to you will make you feel a certain way. He has already done this once before and I brushed it off! But for him to do it again the second time that I speak to him is horrible.

But if your dd is 1 and you are her ft carer why do you need to live the inlaws , I assumed it was to look after other children if you needed to go to hospital , no offence but you'd be better off moving to somewhere where you have a better chance of getting the type of housing you want with the dog because in theory you are not tied to any area .

Wolfiefan I'm going to ask the epilepsy nurse if she can give us some support in our application to stay in the area. And will be getting my husband to take the letter back in to be rescanned and resent.

With regards to the counselling. I need to find a time where I will have 45 minutes spare to complete the call so that they can best assess my needs. I did explain that to him.

Frustrated or not. I didn't take an attitude with him. So it wasn't fair of him to take one with me

You don't have a job and live in a house with 3 other adults to help with your singular child. How hard can it be to find 45 mins free?

OP honestly the guy sounds like a wanker. If you're only in band c it's up to you whether you bid or not and where, surely?

Some really nasty comments on here. I suppose a lot of it comes from whether you take the attitude that people on the housing list have to give up all rights of self determination. I don't think they do, quite. Obviously you aren't going to get a mansion with en suites for everyone including overnight guests, but at the same time tenants need to be in properties that are suitable for them and I don't think that's asking too much.

Comments about she should have done her research also don't take into account that until you're on the list you don't know what's there because you only have access to it once you've signed up.

OP don't get distracted. Get yourself reassessed, find out what you have to do bidding wise according to the allocations policy and look to see how the list is behaving - a good way of doing that is to see who properties you've bid on go to - it should tell you what band, how long they were in the band and how many bids they made before they were successful.

Entitled and ridiculous. You don't deserve the help if you won't help yourself.

But you're not helping him get his job done. I agree you have no excuse not to find 45 minutes. It may not be fair but it's completely understandable to be frustrated with someone who can't see they may have to choose between giving up the pet or moving out of the area or being homeless.

VinegarNipple, what is the point of your posts?

What is the point of anyones posts?

Getting council housing is so difficult in a lot of areas now. Council staff should not be rude to you but he was right to make you think about your options. If by October nothing is available locally that will take children and pets then what will you do then? Have you thought about this?

If you lived in my LA then in October if you were not in a property then your inlaws would be expected to carry through and throw you and your DH out. The council will probably call them and confirm that you are not allowed to return. Make sure they do this as if not the council will expect you to stay there for a long time. You will then need to present to the council, on the day your in laws say you have to leave, with your DD and your belongings. The council will then have to find you temporary accommodation (provided they don't find you intentionally homeless); in my LA this can anywhere in the city or even in areas outside the city. They also do not have to provide accommodation for pets. Once in temporary accommodation you will bid for properties but will be on a higher banding. At this point you will be expected to bid on three properties a week, if you do not bod the council will automatically do this for you. You will be expected to take what is offered at this point as you will be homeless.

At the stage you are at now you have slightly more options than you will have in October. I think the man on the phone was just getting you to think (though he should be polite about it) about the best thing for you to do.

I have been in this situation and trust me it is horrible. There were 5 of us in one room at a hostel type accommodation. We were offered a property in the end but it took a long time and we nearly lost the chance of getting custody of my youngest brother because of it. We also rehoused our dog with a family friend. It was horrible but at the end of the day we were desperate.

On a side note (and this isn't a dig at you OP) my brother now works with the homeless and people at risk of homelessness and it amazes him how many people will move in with family expecting to be rehoused round the corner within a very short space of time. It just does not happen (at least where I live anyway)

Actually mil works weekdays. Fil is diabetic and not comfortable watching dd on his own. And my husband is on a course that the job centre have placed him on to increase his chances when he eventually gets interviews. So yes, finding the time to make that call is actually very difficult.

Well, on a thread where someone is in housing need and looking for support and advice, surely a good use of bandwidth and your time and energy would be to try and provide that. I appreciate ymmv, particularly when it comes to good use of your time and energy.