Have an opinion when you earn 40k a year!

[cluckyhen]

So DD drove me mad this morning by opening 'new' milk instead of 'old' milk after already doing my head in by snapping at me and I was having a bit of a grumble under my breath about it when OH decided he was going to wade in with his opinion.

Short version of the story that still has me fuming some 6 hours and one spotless house later is he turned round and said that when I go out and earn 40k a year I can have an opinion.

Pardon? I've raised 2 children, numerous pets, followed him here, there and everywhere, moved house 13 times, done school runs, hospital trips, specialist meetings, wiped noses, arses, breaks and bleeds. Quit jobs at short notice, driven different continents and ensured that everything is done in the house whether he is with us or away and I am suddenly not allowed an opinion. I'm so angry that he has said this.

AIBU in wanting to bury him at the bottom of the garden? I've already had a sniffle as this has really got to me but am now getting ready to go out to my other job - the one that I took on as he will be working away for a year and I do need some kind of interaction with people other than grunting teenagers!

[Topseyt]

He is a complete twat.

I don't think I would be able to come back from that remark and would be letting him know that in no uncertain terms.

[MrsPorth]

£40k isn't that impressive. He needs to double that at least, if he wants to act like a big swinging dick.

Seriously, he doesn't respect you and your contribution and he needs to start.

[DisgruntledHen]

Just on break and reading through. Nope....we all live together in post, he was only away a few days but seems to think I can be barked at and will jump.

I appreciate everyone's comments as it gives me some perspective. He is bang out of order and I think there will be words, politely and calmly. If he's had enough then so be it but I won't be put down with words.

Thanks all x

This

[theancientmarinader]

In that case you may wish to suggest he gets himself a room in the mess for a few days while you consider your options. That usually wakes them up a bit. Don't forget the Cotswold Centre.

[yerbutnobut]

Ah, always lovely when self worth is financially comparable

[Lallypop]

[NameChanger22]

Whenever he speaks from now on just 'when you've raised two children you can have an opinion'. Say it at every possible opportunity until he gets the message or moves out.

[Katherine2626]

Nasty man. Nasty remark.You can borrow my spade too.

[Dramalady52]

Ditch him! I had one of these and we've all been happier since he left. I used to say I had 3 children, one being 2 years older than me ;)

Burying under the patio is a good idea, but I prefer stringing up by the testicles over an open fire.

You are definitely not being unreasonable!

[pointythings]

Calm cool words sounds like the way to go, hen.
Followed up with actions if he doesn't get his shit together and treat you decently.
I asked DH (ex US forces) about this and his reaction was not repeatable in polite company. But then he isn't a twat and appreciates me properly.

[Buckinghambae]

I think they created the delightful word Cockwomble for just this type of situation.

I would have had to laugh at the £40k and sneer something condescending back (not because I believe it but just because it was such an arsehat thing to say).

[SarahVanstone13]

Kill the fucking bastard!!!! Make it painful too!!!

[Madwoman5]

So unless you earn money, you get no respect in your household, is that it? Some husband you have there, OP! YANBU. Nope, not one bit.

So, carry on doing stuff for the kids and yourself and do not cook for him or wash/iron his stuff. If he wanted an opinion-less minion, I am sure he could go and rent one with his £40K plus..

[millifiori]

Tell him he can have an opinion when he's parented grunting teens 24/7 for months on end.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Would a hedge trimmer or mini chain saw be of any use? We do also have an axe.

His salary is imaterial. Some are bound to say "is that all?" Dh is on more than that and this was my immediate reaction. Not because it isn't a decent salary. But for you, to make him feel humiliated, female solidarity and all that.

[Craigie]

Tell him when he learns to operate the oven he can have some dinner, when he learns to operate the washing machine he can have clean clothes, and when he learns not to be a chauvinist prick he can have a conversation/sex again.

[whatkatiedidnext31]

Hope your Ok, because I would be very hurt and upset by this comment.
What a condescending shit! No words of advice but genuinely I would be very angry by this. Marriage/living together is a joint effort and shouldn't be looked at in the way he seems to.
I only work PT but am usually frazzled by the end of each day, but my hubby does loads around the house so I'm lucky xx

[Ginlinessisnexttogodliness]

That's a truly hateful and ungrateful swipe at you after all you have done for him and the family you've raised. And if he did this in front of your children that's doubly hideous.

If he hasn't apologised and shown utter contrition and humility for this appalling behaviour then he ought to be ashamed of himself. Even if he's done that's he still should be. Intolerable. It shows a latent and lingering subconscious disregard for you on some many levels it's almost worth co spidering kicking him out, and I'm not for rash decisions. It goes to the heart of your family and the agreement you've stuck to all those years.

What you have done for him and his children is priceless. If I knew where you'd lived and it was easy to get to I'd really enjoy the opportunity to come and verbally wipe the floor with his sorry, misogynistic saggy arse.

[PinkMoony]

I would leave someone for this.
It's not about "it only being a few words" etc it's what those words mean, it's the contempt that they convey. I couldn't be with someone with that attitude, who spoke to me like that.

[RiseToday]

I would leave over this comment too.

I am an ex forces wife and it's fucking brutal at times. Does he have form for these types of comments or is it totally out of the blue?

Forces life can be so very hard for both husband and wife, I know mine had some massive emotional issues as a direct result of being in the forces, but if he had ever said anything like that to me I think I would've clobbered him over the head and left.

Nobody deserves that kind of vile treatment.

[Carriecakes80]

Seriously, I think someone has already done it but if you totalled up what you should be making with all that you do, it would piss all over his Forty grand...What a horrible thing for him to say, hopefully he was just knackered, I know when I've finished work, I'm evil for a bit as I unwind...is he lovely the rest of the time?? I would give him the chance to take it back and apologise, if he doesn't...Boot the b'stard in Ker-Knackers. x x x

[elfycat]

Try earning £40k when you can't have a career because they're always moving you around...

DH used to say that I wasn't ambitious to all and sundry. No dear, I gave up the opportunity to have a career when we had to move house 4 times in a 6.5 year period.

Used to say. I may have slightly screamed at him (for about 4 days) when I'd had enough of it and his 'oh I'm such a hero for being the wage earner' bullshit. He's retired from the military now, but works away 50% of the time.

If he's just got back from operations then he'll be a selfish-twat for a bit. I wonder if part of the coping mechanism for being away is them all going 'well I do this for my family, aren't I a hero?' in the evenings, ignoring all that you do.

[Mrstiggywink49]

An MCP remark if ever I heard one! Probably been grumbling away with other men all feeling resentful about their wives and it just rubbed off on him. Or he's had a really bad time and he's taking it out on you. Give it a day or so of the silent breakfast treatment then get it off your chest. If that truly is what he thinks about you then time to tell him you are neither a housekeeper ,doormat nor whipping boy and if he feels that way about your partnership then it's time to think about your options.

[Lovingit81]

What a twat. I'd seriously consider what was going on in my relationship if my DH said that to me. I think you need a talk. Best of luck