So DD drove me mad this morning by opening 'new' milk instead of 'old' milk after already doing my head in by snapping at me and I was having a bit of a grumble under my breath about it when OH decided he was going to wade in with his opinion.
Short version of the story that still has me fuming some 6 hours and one spotless house later is he turned round and said that when I go out and earn 40k a year I can have an opinion.
Pardon? I've raised 2 children, numerous pets, followed him here, there and everywhere, moved house 13 times, done school runs, hospital trips, specialist meetings, wiped noses, arses, breaks and bleeds. Quit jobs at short notice, driven different continents and ensured that everything is done in the house whether he is with us or away and I am suddenly not allowed an opinion. I'm so angry that he has said this.
AIBU in wanting to bury him at the bottom of the garden? I've already had a sniffle as this has really got to me but am now getting ready to go out to my other job - the one that I took on as he will be working away for a year and I do need some kind of interaction with people other than grunting teenagers!
AIBU?
Have an opinion when you earn 40k a year!
cluckyhen · 08/07/2017 16:46
I am also a willing volunteer to help with digging, torch holding, and alibi providing 
Providing there's not a Susan among us who will inadvertently paint a picture of the murder scene in art class (desperate housewives)
I was going to ask if he has just got back from ops, but it doesn't look like it by your name change. In which case I am assuming that you have chosen to live remotely from his work unit to maintain stability for your family (perhaps child with sn/ health issues). This type of bean-stealing arrangement does sometimes lead chaps to develop a singly-in-the-mess type attitude (not always, I know a lot of guys who hate living in the mess during the week and their weekends at home are a welcome respite) but I think you need to sit down and discuss his outburst prior to this year away (whatever that is). It may be that he is going through the fairly usual / standard withdrawal process prior to imminent deployment (but a shitty way for him to do it, and he needs to know that) or that he is starting to feel resentful about his role taking him away from the family while you get to reap the 'benefits' (in his head, mind - there is a shit load of social research around the lot of the military spouse that would negate his ignorance).
Maybe it's time to actually consider whether he is at the point where he needs to PVR? How close is he to his pension? The gloss of the lifestyle wears off a bit when you get old and fat and can see all the young whippersnappers getting promoted ahead of you... As a family would you be better off if he was 9-5ing in the next town?
Of course, it may just be that years of living apart have done for your marriage. It happens.
(The Segals do a lot on the military - both the military and the family are 'greedy institutions' that compete - I guess you guys just need to work out which institution gets to win, and which to lose, if you are at the point where he is not recognizing your commitment that has kept them in balance for so many years...)
My DH is Forces.
I think when they get back from deployment they feel a bit threatened and slightly inadequate because they come back to a clean house, that's still standing. A couple of kids that are healthy, have been to school and have been fed. The pets have been fed, the gardens done, the car still works so they think "actually where do I fit in here, and do they actually need me?"
It doesn't make up for what he said to you, I would have been livid with DH, but unless it's something that's a regular thing I'd talk about it and not let it cause a row. Saying that, everytime DH comes home we have a few good days, and then he starts messing up my routine and I wish he'd go back where he'd just come from.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.