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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have an opinion when you earn 40k a year!

238 replies

cluckyhen · 08/07/2017 16:46

So DD drove me mad this morning by opening 'new' milk instead of 'old' milk after already doing my head in by snapping at me and I was having a bit of a grumble under my breath about it when OH decided he was going to wade in with his opinion.

Short version of the story that still has me fuming some 6 hours and one spotless house later is he turned round and said that when I go out and earn 40k a year I can have an opinion.

Pardon? I've raised 2 children, numerous pets, followed him here, there and everywhere, moved house 13 times, done school runs, hospital trips, specialist meetings, wiped noses, arses, breaks and bleeds. Quit jobs at short notice, driven different continents and ensured that everything is done in the house whether he is with us or away and I am suddenly not allowed an opinion. I'm so angry that he has said this.

AIBU in wanting to bury him at the bottom of the garden? I've already had a sniffle as this has really got to me but am now getting ready to go out to my other job - the one that I took on as he will be working away for a year and I do need some kind of interaction with people other than grunting teenagers!

OP posts:
Fergus425 · 08/07/2017 17:42

Maybe this is a 'forces' attitude -'know your place'.

Wondered how long it would be before someone said this (or variations on that theme).

No. No, it really isn't.

MrsMozart · 08/07/2017 17:42

In my mind you don't need to cost things out - you're the half that's done all that, you''re his other half and done and are doing your bit. If that's not enough for him then he can bog off.

JustHereForThePooStories · 08/07/2017 17:43

Why the reference to the £40k figure specifically? Is that what he makes?

Not exactly a high salary is it? If he bases someone else's self-worth solely on salary, he doesn't seem to aim too high himself.

Wheelycote · 08/07/2017 17:43

And would say this is a forces attitude my ex was a sailor.

sodablackcurrant · 08/07/2017 17:44

I suppose the twat is jumping you at every opportunity since he has had no conjugal stuff for months.

If so, tell him it costs £100 per go. You'll soon be on 40k pa.

Fergus425 · 08/07/2017 17:44

And would say this is a forces attitude my ex was a sailor.

It was your ex's attitude.

Parker231 · 08/07/2017 17:45

Has he apologized yet? If he didn't I would be changing the locks - no one speaks to me like that and gets a way with it!

sparklefarts · 08/07/2017 17:45

That's a really really nasty thing to say. If my Dh said that to me it would break my heart and I don't think I could look at him the same way again

Mysteriouscurle · 08/07/2017 17:46

Should you decide against going down the shovel and patio route I've heard that the forces are pretty good at sorting out any reluctance to pay maintenance in the event of separation. I dont earn £40k a year so my opinion may not count either. What an utter wanker

GinIsMySaviour · 08/07/2017 17:47

This is NOT a forces attitude. It's a twat's attiude.

I still have family in the forces - please don't excuse this as a forces thing because it's not.

WomblingThree · 08/07/2017 17:47

Bloody hell, another thread full of rich people boasting about how much they earn. Believe it or not people, a salary of £40000 is beyond some people's wildest imagination.

I imagine the OPs husband meant "when you bring in money you can have an opinion". He wasn't boasting to the OP about his fucking salary. She knows how much he earns 🙄.

Oh and posters with no military connection? You know nothing about how it works.

RestlessSparrow · 08/07/2017 17:49

Can I post you a fake £50k per annum job offer so you can mess with his head?

"You got me thinking and you're right, so I aimed high and they actually want me to start next Monday! So, here's a list of duties you need to cover, as I'll be in London early 'til late. You can look into hiring help if you need to, but I'm sure you won't need to pay out much for such worthless work. Anyway, you better get the kids in the bath and start dinner, I need to finish this presentation...."

Pagwatch · 08/07/2017 17:50

I imagine the OPs husband meant "when you bring in money you can have an opinion". He wasn't boasting to the OP about his fucking salary. She knows how much he earns 🙄."

That's not actually any better though.

How much he earns is neither here nor there but deciding that being the wage earner makes him more important still = cunt

Pagwatch · 08/07/2017 17:52

Sorry / I was quoting Wombling in the first paragraph

How much he earns is clearly unimportant

Nanna50 · 08/07/2017 17:52

YANBU Cheeky bastard I'm opened mouthed but I have met some very arrogant forces fuckers who have a few stripes or braids on their arms giving them power in a hierarchical system. Some demand respect from the lower ranks but never return it, it sounds like he is treating you the same.

Has he apologised, does he usually appreciate your loyalty? My SIL is a forces wife and I couldn't live as she does despite the wonderful travels and lifestyle. I think it takes a special kind of woman to live in that world. (just my opinion on my observations, she is married to my brother)

What has been his reaction when you have told him he is well out of order and you are going to have him killed?

WomblingThree · 08/07/2017 17:54

Oh no Pagwatch I'm not saying it was better, just that it didn't have a great deal to do with the amount.

I don't like the undertone that he's shit for not earning enough.

Ta1kinPeace · 08/07/2017 17:54

In professional circles, £40k is no great shakes salary wise.

My personal suggestion is to take his advice.
Go find a job that pays enough that you can call the shots in the house ;-)

PS if your kids work, how much rent do you charge them for living in a clean and tidy house ....

BeccaAnn · 08/07/2017 17:55

don't really know what to sat TBH. He can go sit and swivel on a rot hot poker for that attitude! have a Gin or Wine tonight and talk to him about the shitty attitude.
Flowers

Fergus425 · 08/07/2017 17:56

despite the wonderful travels and lifestyle.

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

Chillyegg · 08/07/2017 17:56

My only thoughts to this other than dump him. Is has he returned from active duty? PTSD can manifest its self in stange ways. If not well he needs to fuck of

Pagwatch · 08/07/2017 17:56

I see what you mean Wombling - yes I agree
But then most posted MN imagined retorts are a bit crap and snarky

Chillyegg · 08/07/2017 17:57

Well actually saying that it could be delayed ptsd

Pagwatch · 08/07/2017 17:58

The 'go and get a job' advice is truly awful

Gazelda · 08/07/2017 18:03

I'd be beyond hurt if DH said that to me. And I'd want him to know how hurt I was. I'd be emailing your OP to him and then go out for rest of the day to let him stew on it.
Only a sincere apology and major change in attitude would prevent me from calling time on the marriage.

DisgruntledHen · 08/07/2017 18:11

He hasn't been on active duty (ie sandy warzones) for a long time. This isn't service trauma. This is just arsehole attitude.

To put into context prior to him saying this I had muttered 'that'll be the day' about hi getting the shopping in.

This isn't about how much he brings in. (Btw, this is a good wage in the forces) It's about the meaning about what he said.

There is no excuse for belittling my role in our home. I work damn hard too in all my roles. Mum, colleague, manager, wife etc.

Kids pay no rent.....another bug bear but one that I'll sit on lol x