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AIBU?

Rearranged family lunch and uncontactable family member

166 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 11:20

I'm meant to be meeting up with a close family member for lunch at 1 today.

I bought this lunch for them two Christmasses ago (Christmas 2015), and the agreement was always that we would go together. As we didn't book it in within a specific time window, I then had to pay a bit to extend the lunch voucher.

In April this year, we finally booked a date for the lunch - a Saturday a few weekends ago. A week before the Saturday, I remind the family member about the lunch and she tells me that she double-booked and can't go to the lunch, as she has now made plans for that Saturday to go away with friends for a birthday weekend.

Fine. So we rearrange the lunch for 1pm today. I texted the family member a couple of hours ago to ask where we should meet, and haven't got a reply. I've just tried to ring her a couple of times, and still no reply.

WWYD?

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Itsnotwhatitseems · 08/07/2017 14:56

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2953953-Afternoon-tea-dilemma-who-is-being-U

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SaveMeBarry · 08/07/2017 15:00

Hopefully the OP is having a lovely lunch with her sister right now and has forgotten all about this thread!

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Itsnotwhatitseems · 08/07/2017 15:01

Hi.

I bought an afternoon tea voucher for a very close relative, and gave it to them for Christmas 2015.

*I'm meant to be meeting up with a close family member for lunch at 1 today

I bought this lunch for them two Christmasses ago (Christmas 2015), and the agreement was always that we would go together. As we didn't book it in within a specific time window, I then had to pay a bit to extend the lunch voucher. *

They were very happy to take me along as their guest to the afternoon tea, and that's what we arranged.

The voucher was only valid for 12 months however.

As we didn't manage to have the afternoon tea between December 2015 and December 2016, I paid twenty pounds to extend the voucher for a further six months, until the end of June 2017.

The relative suggested a date for the afternoon tea with me, and then confirmed it. This is the only date we can do before the end of June, as I am busy the weekend after the afternoon tea (the relative knows this).

However, the relative then told me two weeks ago that they had forgotten our arrangement for afternoon tea, and then double-booked themselves with another commitment (which was arranged after we had booked the afternoon tea).

I don't really want to pay another £20 to extend the afternoon tea again for another six months. The relative has now said to me that they'll take someone else to the afternoon tea on the weekend that the relative is available.

Who is being U?

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user1471445944 · 08/07/2017 15:06

I think the posters saying it's a rubbish gift are ungrateful and unkind. I would love my sister to treat me to lunch. How is that not a great present? Not much chance here though, she's always skint.

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FilledSoda · 08/07/2017 15:12

itsnotwhatitseems

This has to be the same person, same phrasing.
WTF ?

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bimbobaggins · 08/07/2017 15:16

User there is a difference to treating someone to lunch which of course is a lovely gesture, and giving someone a Christmas gift with conditions attached that they must take you with them. how can you not see the difference.

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notangelinajolie · 08/07/2017 15:23

I'd assume they didn't like me. And I would not keep trying to contact them for fear of sounding desperate. Give up OP they are not worth wasting anymore of your time on.

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WomblingThree · 08/07/2017 15:27

Itsnotwhatitseems I thought of that too. Maybe it's a bot for a voucher company, and people are supposed to ask where they bought the voucher? Or maybe they are just weird.

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Chapterandverse · 08/07/2017 15:51

Pom, is your sister usually this flaky? Does she cancel plans often?

Maybe she doesn't realise the vouchers need to be extended or that they have a 'use by' date on them?

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scootinFun · 08/07/2017 15:52

maybe it's her twin and they both bought a voucher for each other Itsnot

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Crunchymum · 08/07/2017 16:13

The other thread is just too similar. OP 'fess up

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Bumdishcloths · 08/07/2017 16:23

I don't the the OP ever returned to the other thread either...

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witsender · 08/07/2017 16:24

Does it even matter whether it is the same person?

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Itsnotwhatitseems · 08/07/2017 16:27

no it doesn't except they said it wasn't them. Normally when posting a thread to avoid drip feeding posters link to previous threads so people get the full story and can help/advise accordingly but to declare it not to be them, which it may well not be, implies 2 posters with identical problems in a short period of time...which isn't impossible but strange.

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SaucyJack · 08/07/2017 16:27

Dude, your sister doesn't want to go. Actions speak louder than words IMO.

That doesn't mean it wouldn't be a lovely gift between a different pair of sisters, or that there's something wrong with your company.

Can you take someone else?

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NineSidedWhore · 08/07/2017 16:28

until I read the dripfeed about OP having a twin sister, I was quite convince that my sister was the OP. I still do not understand how anyone can think that buying a gift which is contingent on the gifter attending is a present.

It actually is meeting for lunch/ dinner and it's the OPs turn to pay.

If this really was a gift, OP would have handed over the voucher to her twin and wished her an enjoyable lunch.

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Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 16:30

Jesus Christ. Just reading back through your answers now.

Do some of you have nothing better to do on a Saturday afternoon than insult a complete stranger who's a bit upset and who's posted for advice?

All I was looking for was some support. Some of you have been lovely and very understanding. And others on here have treated me like I've done something awful.

Yes, yes, I know you'll all come on now and say, 'oh, well, what do you expect? You posted in AIBU!' But really... telling a complete stranger that their gift is 'rubbish'. Thanks everyone. Thanks a million.

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Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 16:33

And how is it a 'drip-feed' that my guest for the lunch is my twin? I made it clear from the beginning that I was inviting a close relative.

It's really strange - I really thought I was asking something fairly harmless here but lots of posters have jumped down my throat. It's been really upsetting to read what some of you posted.

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Nospringflower · 08/07/2017 16:33

Aww I think people have been harsh. It sounds like a nice gift but just hard to arrange so then it ends up feeling like a fuss. Did you manage to rearrange it?

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RandomDent · 08/07/2017 16:35

Did you go?

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NineSidedWhore · 08/07/2017 16:36

I am sorry OP but it is a bit rubbish. My sibling who sounds so very similar to you, is unable to take gentle criticism. She simply cannot see that a gift should be given without being contingent on conditions.

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GerdaLovesLili · 08/07/2017 16:38

Well if this is the third thread about exactly the same issue all "Christmas 2015" it's beginning to sound a bit "The birds have flown south in Borogrovia" isn't it? Was the restaurant near the duck-pond in St James' park?

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bimbobaggins · 08/07/2017 16:40

Calm down op, its advice from complete strangers on a section of a forum not known for its kindness and tlc, talk about an overreaction.

People have gave you some good advice.
And no I don't have anything better to do on a Saturday afternoon, , I'm a complete saddo with no life

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picklemepopcorn · 08/07/2017 16:42

Are you the poster whose twin stood them up outside a restaurant, you waited ages in the cold? She does it often? You try to keep your relationship alive, and she doesn't?

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NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 08/07/2017 16:50

Why doesn't the OP admit she has posted before? A bit weird to deny it really.

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