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AIBU?

Rearranged family lunch and uncontactable family member

166 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 11:20

I'm meant to be meeting up with a close family member for lunch at 1 today.

I bought this lunch for them two Christmasses ago (Christmas 2015), and the agreement was always that we would go together. As we didn't book it in within a specific time window, I then had to pay a bit to extend the lunch voucher.

In April this year, we finally booked a date for the lunch - a Saturday a few weekends ago. A week before the Saturday, I remind the family member about the lunch and she tells me that she double-booked and can't go to the lunch, as she has now made plans for that Saturday to go away with friends for a birthday weekend.

Fine. So we rearrange the lunch for 1pm today. I texted the family member a couple of hours ago to ask where we should meet, and haven't got a reply. I've just tried to ring her a couple of times, and still no reply.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 12:09

And I didn't 'engineer' to be the other attendee Confused what an odd way of putting it.

OP posts:
Enidblyton1 · 08/07/2017 12:09

If you didn't post about this a few weeks ago then there is somebody on Mumsnet with exactly the same problem - how strange!
Don't rearrange again. If your close family member (I'm guessing younger sister?!) makes it then great, if not enjoy a nice lunch yourself and make mental note not to do this again...

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/07/2017 12:15

Gee, thanks for the support, Crunchy. I think you'd be persistent too if you were going with your twin sister

Oh massive drip feed.

And if she is your twin sister it is (a) a rubbish gift ( it is up to her to decide who she shares the meal with) and (b) she clearly doesn't want it.

Crunchymum · 08/07/2017 12:15

Massivery drip feed there OP.

Round of applause.

Crunchymum · 08/07/2017 12:17

And why single my post out? I'm certainly not the only one who questioned your choice of gift / fact it's odd you expect to be the other attendee as a condition of the gift.

And yes there has been a very similar thread recently.

napmeistergeneral · 08/07/2017 12:24

If you want unquestioning support (not quite sure what that would be in this context), then you are posting in the wrong place.

pictish · 08/07/2017 12:25

Taking someone out for lunch is a common gift. Stop making it something it isn't.

pictish · 08/07/2017 12:26

That's to those sniping about it being contingent on OP's presence.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/07/2017 12:33

Taking someone out for lunch is a common gift. Stop making it something it isn't.

Making a specific date for a meal out with a friend or relative on a date you mutually agree on on the basis it's your treat is normal behaviour.

Buying a restaurant voucher as a gift for someone which they can use any time they like with whomever they want is normal behaviour.

Buying a restaurant voucher and then insisting it must only be used with the purchaser is not.

FilledSoda · 08/07/2017 12:34

She doesn't want to go.
What a weird controlling ' gift'.
A gift is when you hand someone a voucher and they make their own arrangements and take whoever they want.
The fact that this has been going on for 18 months makes it even weirder.

kmc1111 · 08/07/2017 12:34

It's a common thing to do, yes, but it's not a common thing to give as a gift.

Shadow666 · 08/07/2017 12:35

I think the other thread was afternoon tea, but it was pretty identical.

I'd just go on my own but only because I hate having things like this hanging over me.

user1498911470 · 08/07/2017 12:35

Either she doesn't want to come or she has some kind of m/h issue that makes it hard for her. Go along and enjoy the lunch regardless.

LeakyLittleBoat · 08/07/2017 12:37

Pictish Taking someone out to lunch is common, but buying a voucher only half of which is for the recipient isn't. If I were taking someone out for lunch why would I buy a voucher? I'd just take them to the restaurant and pay when the bill came at the end. You give a voucher to a person generally and its up to them how they use it and who they share it with surely, yes, even if it's your twin sister. And if it's taken twin sisters 18 months to be able to arrange to get together for lunch, I'd guess one of them isn't that bothered about going for lunch with the other.

Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 13:10

Wow thanks guys.

And if she is your twin sister it is (a) a rubbish gift. Thanks so much Lass. So lovely of you.

OP posts:
Nikephorus · 08/07/2017 13:13

So do we assume that twin didn't turn up?

hula008 · 08/07/2017 13:15

Not normal to buy a voucher and then insist on also using that voucher -

"Here's £100 Next vouchers but make sure you buy something for me while you're there!" Hmm

Jux · 08/07/2017 13:23

Well, I'd still expect the giftee to choose who they went with, whether they were my twin or not. Maybe she'll turn up with a guest of her own?

Did you give her the voucher and say that you were coming too, or did she immediately say she wanted you to go with her? How did it happen? Maybe you said "here's a voucher for us to go to that place we talked of once" in which case it's not that much of a gift, really. Unless the place costs a grand a meal, of course.

FilledSoda · 08/07/2017 13:30

So which one of you actually has the voucher in their possession ?

YouMakeMeFeelLikeDancing · 08/07/2017 13:32

I remember the other thread too, and after reading this one it just goes to show, nobody really likes meal vouchers and would rather have a present to themselves on the day of occasion

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/07/2017 13:33

And if she is your twin sister it is (a) a rubbish gift. Thanks so much Lass. So lovely of you

You are very welcome. For all the reasons posted by others this isn't much of a gift.

scootinFun · 08/07/2017 13:39

So did she turn up Op?

GerdaLovesLili · 08/07/2017 13:41

This is obviously a very common problem, at least on MN. You need to form a support group along with the last poster that had this exact problem. Perhaps you could go out to lunch/tea together and kvetch about your "useless" relatives.

KasimirPushkino · 08/07/2017 13:44

Is there really any need for some posters here to be quite so rude? I doubt you'd speak to people like this if you were actually face to face Hmm

Nikephorus · 08/07/2017 13:45

Have to say that the only reason for buying a voucher for a restaurant that you'll be attending also is if it's a deal and therefore you're saving money by not paying as normal.

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