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AIBU?

Rearranged family lunch and uncontactable family member

166 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 11:20

I'm meant to be meeting up with a close family member for lunch at 1 today.

I bought this lunch for them two Christmasses ago (Christmas 2015), and the agreement was always that we would go together. As we didn't book it in within a specific time window, I then had to pay a bit to extend the lunch voucher.

In April this year, we finally booked a date for the lunch - a Saturday a few weekends ago. A week before the Saturday, I remind the family member about the lunch and she tells me that she double-booked and can't go to the lunch, as she has now made plans for that Saturday to go away with friends for a birthday weekend.

Fine. So we rearrange the lunch for 1pm today. I texted the family member a couple of hours ago to ask where we should meet, and haven't got a reply. I've just tried to ring her a couple of times, and still no reply.

WWYD?

OP posts:

Report

Ginslinger · 08/07/2017 13:45

I've read this before but I'm sure it was for afternoon tea

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/07/2017 13:48

In the face of the dogged intransigence of the OP too see any other point of view, I don't think anyone has been particularly rude.

In real life if this were a friend moaning about this I would probably tactfully try to suggest it really isn't that much of a gift and then rant to my husband about how unreasonable the person was.

GU24Mum · 08/07/2017 13:48

I definitely remember the afternoon tea thread too!!

QuiteLikely5 · 08/07/2017 13:49

The fact it is of 2015 sets alarm bells and if your own twin sister cannot be bothered to contact you that is also worrying in itself

I can understand you must be very disappointed. Did you go?

quizqueen · 08/07/2017 13:54

Is this scenario really interesting to any one else other than the two people concerned!! Get a life.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/07/2017 13:57

Is there really any need for some posters here to be quite so rude? I doubt you'd speak to people like this if you were actually face to face

That's what I thought, too Kasimir.

I don't think it's an odd, rubbish or selfish gift, (I would have loved it myself - any meal that I don't have to cook or clear up after is a great joy to me!) but I do agree that for whatever reason the recipient doesn't want to go.

I'm sorry this has happened OP - it must be really disappointing for you to have looked forward to sharing this meal with a relative you care about, and catching up on news etc, and she hasn't even got the courtesy to say it isn't her sort of thing, and to give you the opportunity to get hersmething else ands your lunch reservation with another friend.

I hope that you enjoyed the lunch with someone or could rearrange. I think if I were you, I would rearrange it if possible and ask someone else to go with you. Don't mention it to the relative again and let them come to you to ask about it. If they don't, well-priced . . .

seagreengirl · 08/07/2017 14:00

People on here are so RUDE

It's quite a normal gift...why are people on here so rigid in their mindset?
I wouldn't bother with this thread if I were you OP, or just engage with the handful of people that are giving helpful advice.

Did you go?

SaveMeBarry · 08/07/2017 14:02

I don't know why people have to get do argumentative with the OP, she did say it was a "close family member" right off the bat. How is it a drip feed to then identify that person as sister, mother, whatever?

I find it odd to say it doesn't count as a gift if OP is going too! With my family and friends it's pretty common to treat someone to lunch or dinner at a fancy restaurant with part of the enjoyment being that we get to meet up and spend time chatting and catching up. Lots of people are very happy with these insults gifts ime.

Op it's unfortunate your sister seems to have lost interest but use it yourself and next time just get her a Baylis & Harding gift set

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/07/2017 14:04

It is not a normal gift. Meeting up with a friend or relative at a time that suits them and picking up the tab is normal.

Giving a voucher for 2 which the recipient can use whenever and with whomever they want is normal.

Giving a voucher which is only to be used with the donor is not.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/07/2017 14:07

find it odd to say it doesn't count as a gift if OP is going too! With my family and friends it's pretty common to treat someone to lunch or dinner at a fancy restaurant with part of the enjoyment being that we get to meet up and spend time chatting and catching up. Lots of people are very happy with these insults gifts ime

That isn't remotely like the scenario here.

seagreengirl · 08/07/2017 14:12

Giving a voucher which is only to be used with the donor is not.

That's not what the OP said, she said that they agreed to use the voucher together, perfectly normal behaviour. You are making yourself look silly now.

SaveMeBarry · 08/07/2017 14:13

Bloody hell Lass, you think OP has been guilty of "dogged intransigence"??

You seem to have decided that the Op presented this to her sister and said "you only get to go as long as I attend too, your gift is contingent upon my company" . Do you think it's just maybe possible that both enjoy eating out and the Op in good faith bought this thinking they'd both enjoy a nice meal and some time together?? Only quite a few posters have said that's fairly normal!

Bumdishcloths · 08/07/2017 14:14

Also remember the other thread with the voucher extension. All very weird.

theymademejoin · 08/07/2017 14:15

I don't think it's odd. My siblings and I do this for birthdays. Our birthday present to the other is to take them out for a meal, although we don't give a voucher.

However, if I got a good deal on a voucher for a restaurant I knew my sibling liked, I'd get it and tell them that's what we were doing for the meal.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 08/07/2017 14:19

Rather sizeable drip feed there OP.

If you only wanted people to agree with you, then why post in AIBU? If people think YABU then they'll tell you!

JungleInTheRumble · 08/07/2017 14:19

I think the voucher is where you went wrong and it's caused you loads of issues. Should have made your own voucher and then just paid for the meal at the mutually arranged date.

Are you not close to your twin? Can you not just ask her straight out why she seems so reluctant?

Bumdishcloths · 08/07/2017 14:20

It's entirely different taking someone out and treating them to a meal, though - when I give a voucher, the assumption is that it will be used while I'm not present. Same as if I bought a Debenhams voucher, I'm not expecting them to buy me a bloody handbag with it

SaveMeBarry · 08/07/2017 14:20

However, if I got a good deal on a voucher for a restaurant I knew my sibling liked, I'd get it and tell them that's what we were doing for the meal.

Exactly. We're not talking a buy one get one half price at a Pizza Hut! You can sometimes get a voucher for a restaurant that might otherwise be out of your price range and for people who enjoy eating out it's a good gift.

napmeistergeneral · 08/07/2017 14:25

At the end of the day, though, if it was given as a gift, it's the prerogative of the recipient to not use it. Yeah it's a bit shit but ultimately no different to getting, say, a body cream you don't like or a to you don't want and shoving it to the back of the cupboard never again to see the light of day.

The OP needs to stop stressing and say (assuming she's cancelled with a view to rearrange) - okay, it's your gift so here's the voucher, let me know when and if you want to go. And leave it at that. If the OP spent double what she would normally on a gift in the assumption that she would be the guest, well, that's just tough luck. As others have said, if it comes with stringent conditions it's not really a gift.

PuppyMonkey · 08/07/2017 14:28

Today 13:54 quizqueen

Is this scenario really interesting to any one else other than the two people concerned!! Get a life.

LeakyLittleBoat · 08/07/2017 14:43

It's not really a gift to the sister though is it? Presumably, if the OP is doing all the reserving and arranging, she still has the voucher i.e. she never gave it to the sister, she has it in her possession and control and now she's feeling free to share it with someone else instead of allowing her sister to share it with someone else or not as she chooses. Sorry, but a gift the donor keeps a stake in isn't a gift.

Crunchymum · 08/07/2017 14:47

Close family member who hasn't been able (bothered) to use this voucher since Xmas 2015 is a bit of an oxymoron isn't it?

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Crunchymum · 08/07/2017 14:49

You really think people have been rude Kasimir

You must be new to AIBU?

Saiman · 08/07/2017 14:50

This is the third post aboit a voucher bought in 2015 for a meal, the purchaser has had to pay to extend, the purchaser is the one attending the meal with the reciever and the reciever cant be pinned down for a date to go.

The threads always go the same way.

Does this exact situation really play out that often that its gets posted here multiple times?

mydietstartsmonday · 08/07/2017 14:51

I don't think it is an odd gift at all, what is more of a gift then giving someone your time. Some of the comments on here are very harsh. If my sister did this I would be very pleased.
Your sister is quite immature. She obviously doesn't see spending time with you as a treat. Take a step back and hopefully as she matures she will value your relationship. Go use the gift with a friend and have a great time.
BTW the best wedding present we had was a friend who took us to a very expensive hotel for lunch. We looked it and enjoyed his company.

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