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AIBU?

Rearranged family lunch and uncontactable family member

166 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 11:20

I'm meant to be meeting up with a close family member for lunch at 1 today.

I bought this lunch for them two Christmasses ago (Christmas 2015), and the agreement was always that we would go together. As we didn't book it in within a specific time window, I then had to pay a bit to extend the lunch voucher.

In April this year, we finally booked a date for the lunch - a Saturday a few weekends ago. A week before the Saturday, I remind the family member about the lunch and she tells me that she double-booked and can't go to the lunch, as she has now made plans for that Saturday to go away with friends for a birthday weekend.

Fine. So we rearrange the lunch for 1pm today. I texted the family member a couple of hours ago to ask where we should meet, and haven't got a reply. I've just tried to ring her a couple of times, and still no reply.

WWYD?

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PavlovianLunge · 08/07/2017 16:51

I don't know whether the OP is BU or not, but some of the responses have been gratuitously unpleasant.

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BalloonSlayer · 08/07/2017 17:08

I think it's a nice present!

I don't have a twin but if one of my sisters said "for your birthday present I am taking you to lunch at x place" I would be chuffed to buggery! Free food I don't have to cook? Lovely!

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user1495025590 · 08/07/2017 17:09

Op it is really conceited to give the gift of 'lunch with me'. Why wouldn't you just give her the voucher to use with whoever she wanted??

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llangennith · 08/07/2017 17:14

What an odd gift.

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IloveBanff · 08/07/2017 17:17

OP, I think you must know now that this lunch with your twin is never going to happen. It's very sad.

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Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 17:18

We both went in the end. It's just been upsetting reading some of the posts from people on here.

Yes, I wrote the original afternoon tea thread.

And I name-changed and changed the situation slightly for this thread because I didn't want to be outed or for it to be too identifying, which I'm sure many people have done and can appreciate. It has been hurtful to see people being a bit 'goady' (for want of a better word) and trying to make me 'own up' to writing the other thread. It's making it seem as if I've done something really horrndeous.

All I did was take my sister out for an afternoon tea and pay her. So yes it was, like some posters have suggested, treating her to a nice meal. Which I knew she would like. Because I'm not the kind of person who, as some posters have suggested, would bully someone into going for a nice meal with them and prevent that person from taking someone else.

I know everyone's anonymous on here, but it is a bit bloody hurtful to come on here asking a genuine question and then getting slated by complete strangers about quite a nice gesture.

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picklemepopcorn · 08/07/2017 17:20

I think arranging a meal out together, as your treat, for a birthday present is lovely. I'm glad you had a good time.

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Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 17:22

Oh my fucking god!!!! I'm sorry to swear, but I am really getting quitte frustrated now.

To those who have just posted, RTFT!!!! Instead of giving me faux-sympathy, ('just accept your lunch won't ever happen'), it has happened!! We went!

And to those who are STILL saying, 'what an odd gift', have some fucking manners!!!! So you wouldn't like to be treated to a meal by a loved one?? Really??

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Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 17:24

user you think it's conceited???? How do you know she hasn't taken me out for a similar meal before?? Jeez, maybe - I dunno - she wants and likes to spend time with me?

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BillyDaveysDaughter · 08/07/2017 17:28

Calm down Pom, don't take the views of a few internet randoms to heart. Who are they to you after all!

You had lunch with your twin in the end, I hope you had a good time. I think it was a lovely gift.

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frieda909 · 08/07/2017 17:29

Honestly, OP, don't waste any more time or energy on this thread. I don't know what's wrong with some people.

I hope you had a lovely tea!

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DontstepontheMomeRaths · 08/07/2017 17:37

I thought it wasn't going to happen, glad you and your twin finally went. Was the afternoon tea worth the wait? Hope you had a nice time.

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user1499282478 · 08/07/2017 17:39

Mumsnet is ridiculous it's a fab birthday present and pp she's giving her time to her twin I'd love that if i had siblings.

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NineSidedWhore · 08/07/2017 17:48

If OP had said, shall we go for afternoon tea? My treat, then that would be normal. Inviting loved ones and taking it turns to pay for meals etc is entirely normal and very lovely.

The whole hoopla about it being a gift is the bit people have rolled their eyes at. If it really was a gift, then her twin could have invited whoever she wanted to dine with her. OP has basically said I am paying for your afternoon tea therefore you must go with me.

The question therefore is, who is the gift really for? I am massively projecting here due to crazy sibling issues, but it does seem fairly clear that the twin hasn't been that keen since this situation dragging on for over 18 months.

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OfficerVanHalen · 08/07/2017 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

witsender · 08/07/2017 17:52

It's a cracking idea, and something that is regularly done in our circle.

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glitterlips1 · 08/07/2017 17:56

Some people are so rude. Are people so rude because they can't get away with it in real life? Makes me laugh when people try to catch posters out..."have you posted this before?" etc. Seriously, some people need to get out in the real world!

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Theresnonamesleft · 08/07/2017 17:57

It would have been a good gift if the sister had actually recieved the voucher and had full control of who to take. She might have taken the op. But ultimately it should have been her choice.

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frieda909 · 08/07/2017 18:06

I completely reject the idea that you can't give someone a 'doing' present if you expect to be the other attendee. I've bought stuff like this for my sister plenty of times and it's never been anything other than lovely. I bought us both Beyoncé tickets for her last birthday and I would have been extremely pissed off if she'd got in a huff because I didn't let her choose who got the other ticket!

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Bumdishcloths · 08/07/2017 18:09

If you want advice and support, it was possibly misguided to post (twice) in AIBU. Regardless, hope you enjoyed the afternoon tea.

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Boredwithmyname · 08/07/2017 18:10

Gift sounds fine to me and I'm glad you had a nice time together. You do seem a little insecure about your relationship though if you feel the need to ask advice from goady fuckers on here

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WateryTart · 08/07/2017 18:13

Lay off OP.

The door to cuntsville really has been left ajar.

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RossGellersteeth · 08/07/2017 18:14

OP, Please just ignore the people who are nit-picking your thread apart and criticizing your gift to your sister. They have too much time on their hands to be even giving it so much thought. I would be delighted if my sister gave me the same as a gift, honestly.

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RossGellersteeth · 08/07/2017 18:19

Why doesn't the OP admit she has posted before? A bit weird to deny it really.

So? Who the hell cares if she's posted before?

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HarrietKettleWasHere · 08/07/2017 18:22

As soon as a read this I remembered the one where age left you standing outside a restaurant for ages. If that's her then she sounds very flakey. 18 months to arrange an afternoon tea is madness.

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