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Afternoon tea dilemma - who is being U?

(22 Posts)
BrouetteChouette Tue 13-Jun-17 18:09:22


I bought an afternoon tea voucher for a very close relative, and gave it to them for Christmas 2015.

They were very happy to take me along as their guest to the afternoon tea, and that's what we arranged.

The voucher was only valid for 12 months however.

As we didn't manage to have the afternoon tea between December 2015 and December 2016, I paid twenty pounds to extend the voucher for a further six months, until the end of June 2017.

The relative suggested a date for the afternoon tea with me, and then confirmed it. This is the only date we can do before the end of June, as I am busy the weekend after the afternoon tea (the relative knows this).

However, the relative then told me two weeks ago that they had forgotten our arrangement for afternoon tea, and then double-booked themselves with another commitment (which was arranged after we had booked the afternoon tea).

I don't really want to pay another £20 to extend the afternoon tea again for another six months. The relative has now said to me that they'll take someone else to the afternoon tea on the weekend that the relative is available.

Who is being U?

MsMarvel Tue 13-Jun-17 18:11:08

You gave the voucher as a present, they want to take someone else. YABVU to be annoyed that you cant participate in somebody else's gift.

Foslady Tue 13-Jun-17 18:11:14

If it's their gift let them take someone else....

NavyandWhite Tue 13-Jun-17 18:11:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen Tue 13-Jun-17 18:12:34

They are, they sound flakey. You bought the original voucher, they could have stumped up the £20 to extend! They're NBU to take somebody else in the sense that it was a gift so they can use it how they like, but I think they are BU to have let you pay extra to extend it on the understanding you'd go together and then ditch you after all.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 13-Jun-17 18:12:39

Note to self - card only this year op.

NavyandWhite Tue 13-Jun-17 18:13:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nocabbageinmyeye Tue 13-Jun-17 18:13:17

They can take someone else but I think they should offer the £20 to be honest

BubblesBuddy Tue 13-Jun-17 18:15:33

I think you don't pay any more to extend. They have double booked and they want someone else to go. So it's now over to them. Don't buy a present like this again. Sometimes people make no effort and probably don't want to make the effort! A bunch of flowers would have sufficed!

Kokusai Tue 13-Jun-17 18:17:50

If it's their gift let them take someone else....

Yeah you are busy, they are flakey, as long as they get to use the gift all is well? I'd be a bit annoyed about the additional "20 tho.

LedaP Tue 13-Jun-17 18:20:57

Have you posted about this before?

The whole buying a meal voucher, the recipient offering to take the gift giver, not getting round to it, sounds familar.

NellieFiveBellies Tue 13-Jun-17 18:21:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SapphireStrange Tue 13-Jun-17 18:47:24

Leave them to go with the other person and write it off.

TheMysteriousJackelope Tue 13-Jun-17 18:47:25

If you are asking whether you should pay the additional twenty pounds to extend the voucher again, no you shouldn't, and you shouldn't have paid it the first time either. Vouchers like that usually do come with an expiration date. The gift recipient was unreasonable if they expected you to cough up to cover their poor planning and even more unreasonable if they expect you to pay a further twenty pounds. TBH they are lucky you can extend it at all. Most places just run off with the money, cackling as they go.

Let the recipient know what they need to do to extend the voucher life so they can go ahead with the other person.

Riversleep Tue 13-Jun-17 18:49:41

I'd let them go with someone else just so that the voucher gets used up, but Id be mightily pissed off about the #20 and I wouldn't buy a present like that for them again.

diddl Tue 13-Jun-17 18:50:17

A whole year & you ouldn't get together?

Who was it didn't have the time?

If it was you I'm surprised that they didn't take someone else within that year tbh.

LittleBeautyBelle Tue 13-Jun-17 19:06:14

The relative wants you to extend her gift card (that you gave her) a 2nd time at which time she will take another guest instead of you, the original guest. ?? She had a year and a half to use the card.

Of course you can't expect to be her guest, but from your post you infer that you both had a mutual agreement about it. She let the card expire, you extended it, she pretended to forget that she'd made a date with you and wants to have the tea and take someone else the one weekend you can't go. And you are wondering whether to extend a 2nd time so that she'll "allow" you to come with her. No, no, no, Op.

Please don't ever give this person another gift, I don't care how close the relative is! No cards, no gifts, no nothing. It is a lesson learned. It was rude of her to let the card expire without using it in the first place. She had a whole year. And then another six months. And finally booked it the last 2 weeks of that six months.

Unless she didn't want to take you in the first place and you made her feel like she had to invite you as her guest, and/or unless you refused every potential booking except for that one time, then yanbu.

bimbobaggins Tue 13-Jun-17 19:15:45

I think the relative is being unreasonable, they should have used the original voucher in a more timely fashion so that you didn't have to pay the additional £20 and I would most definitely not even consider paying anymore to extend the voucher again. Let them take someone else so that the voucher is used and seriously rethink any future gifts

JaneEyre70 Tue 13-Jun-17 19:23:31

I think once you've handed a gift voucher over, it is the recipients to do with as they see fit. I wouldn't include myself on it, as I'd just pay at the time if I was treating someone. Let them deal with it.

Electrolens Tue 13-Jun-17 19:31:56

I think you are both bu. It's a bit of an odd gift to be honest - if you wanted to take her to afternoon tea the two of you, the gift should have been that - perhaps a handmade voucher and suggestion of dates then you do the booking and take her. A voucher gift means it is hers to use and take someone as she wishes.

However she is bu to have you extend it.

Upsy1981 Tue 13-Jun-17 19:40:17

I would think that either afternoon tea isn't really this person's thing or that they have heard bad things about the place. Perhaps they don't actually want to use the voucher so are just going to pretend they are going with someone else.

Did the recipient ask you to renew it last time or did you just offer and they agreed? They might have been hoping you'd forget about it.

I'm sorry if those things are the case OP. If anyone booked me an afternoon tea, I'd have it booked in a shot, never mind taking 18months! Some people are so ungrateful.

zukiecat Tue 13-Jun-17 19:51:25

While I agree that your relative can take who they want for Afternoon Tea, I think they should reimburse you the £20

Absolutely do not pay to have it extended again!

Maybe cards only this year though

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