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AIBU?

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Original poster

Rearranged family lunch and uncontactable family member

166 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 11:20

I'm meant to be meeting up with a close family member for lunch at 1 today.

I bought this lunch for them two Christmasses ago (Christmas 2015), and the agreement was always that we would go together. As we didn't book it in within a specific time window, I then had to pay a bit to extend the lunch voucher.

In April this year, we finally booked a date for the lunch - a Saturday a few weekends ago. A week before the Saturday, I remind the family member about the lunch and she tells me that she double-booked and can't go to the lunch, as she has now made plans for that Saturday to go away with friends for a birthday weekend.

Fine. So we rearrange the lunch for 1pm today. I texted the family member a couple of hours ago to ask where we should meet, and haven't got a reply. I've just tried to ring her a couple of times, and still no reply.

WWYD?

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 08/07/2017 11:22

I would assume she doesn't want to come? Have you posted about this before

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 11:25

I haven't Quite - I'm assuming the same. I'm quite frustrated as I had to pay to renew it as well.

OP posts:
rizlett · 08/07/2017 11:25

Just go to lunch and enjoy your treat pom - take a book and don't even worry if your family member comes or not.

Trb17 · 08/07/2017 11:27

What rizlett says

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2017 11:31

Has she seemed enthusiastic up to now?
When did you last hear from her, and do you have someone else that could go instead?

Birdsgottaf1y · 08/07/2017 11:32

Was it agreed on on Christmas that you would go together? It sounds like something you say when you have a drink, but don't mean it.

Only buy gifts that you hand over, or it isn't really a gift, tbh.

Go for lunch without her.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 11:39

Hi stealth - she did seem to sound enthusiastic, yes. And she does like these kinds of things. I don't have anyone else I can think of at the moment unfortunately - a lot of people are on holiday this weekend, and it's only 2 hours' notice for anyone else willing to come!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 11:40

Birds that's a good point, thank you.

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/07/2017 11:44

I bought this lunch for them two Christmasses ago (Christmas 2015), and the agreement was always that we would go together

Sorry but I really don't think she is that keen on the idea if in over 18 months you could not fix on a date.

MissionItsPossible · 08/07/2017 11:45

2015!? They don't want to go or are not bothered about it. You have done more than enough to accommodate them. If you want to be a bit more accommodating then you could contact them once more and make it clear that it will expire soon and if they can't commit then you will use it and take somebody else. If you do that you're a bigger person than I would be in that situation. That's a ridiculously long time to wait!

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 11:47

I think if I don't hear from them today, then I will definitely rearrange it and take someone else.

I'm just not sure if the restaurant will allow me to rearrange again!

OP posts:
WillowWeeping · 08/07/2017 11:47

She's not interested (and agree with birds if the lunch was contingent on you attending it's not really a gift)

Go and enjoy lunch on your own

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/07/2017 11:55

(and agree with birds if the lunch was contingent on you attending it's not really a gift)

Again, sorry but it's a really odd gift. Usually restaurant gifts are for the donee and the donee's own choice of plus one.

I suppose if the restaurant was some fabulously expensive gourmet dining experience which you had both talked about wanting to go to and you suggested it as your treat then that might be different.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 11:55

I don't really agree that the lunch wasn't a gift it was me contingent on me attending.

Loads of people buy meals or hotel stays for their friend/family member/partner as a present.

I am frustrated that I'll have to arrange it a second time now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 11:56

if it was contingent on me attending

OP posts:
MacTweedy · 08/07/2017 11:56

Might they not just be expecting to meet you at the venue at 1?

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 08/07/2017 11:58

I'd go to the venue and wait, they might be expecting to meet you there. Text when you get there and then if they don't turn up I'd not bother contacting again.

KinkyAfro · 08/07/2017 12:00

If they were intending to meet op at restaurant surely a text confirming would be the done thing?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/07/2017 12:00

Loads of people buy meals or hotel stays for their friend/family member/partner as a present

Loads of people buy meals or hotel stays as a treat for their partner- the operative word being partner. That is completely different from what you are describing.

PurpleMinionMummy · 08/07/2017 12:00

I've definitely read this same post a few weeks ago. They obviously aren't interested.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 12:00

So I've just got in touch with their housemate. Apparently they've just woken up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 12:01

Lass it isn't - I said friend, family member or partner.

OP posts:
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/07/2017 12:05

If the gift is dependant on the donor being there the donor must be someone very close to the donee and with whom the donee would be happy to spend time with even without the gift.

I think it is a really strange idea to give someone a restaurant gift only useable if the donee goes with the donor.

Crunchymum · 08/07/2017 12:05

You sound very persistent OP and I completely agree that you giving a gift if this nature and expecting / engineering for you to be the other attendee is weird.

No wonder it's been 18m and they haven't wanted to make use of this "gift"

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 08/07/2017 12:08

Gee, thanks for the support, Crunchy. I think you'd be persistent too if you were going with your twin sister.

OP posts:
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