To think I've messed up badly?

[PeppaPigObsession]

I'm 25 and have a 2 year old DD. 2 weeks ago my husband walked out on us.

He's quit his job and refusing to claim benefits so no maintenance. And I'm just not sure how I'm going to cope.

My DD has a Global Developmental Delay, Hip Dysplasia, Squint, Hearing Problems and is Asthmatic. She gets lower rate DLA, and because of that she isn't entitled to the mobility element, she'll be eligible for that when she's 3.5 apparently. So £22 a week DLA.

I'll get income support of £73.10 a week and Child Tax Credits of £64 a week. So with Child Benefit of £20.70 a week I have an income of £179.80.

Rent is covered by housing benefit but because I'm on my own and under 35 and the place is adapted for DDs needs I only get the first £90 a week paid. My rent is £150 a week without HB.

Water rates are £15 a week and I top Gas and Electric up between £10 and £20 a week each depending on how much it's used. So for ease £15 a week each.

I don't drive but DD has an appointment in the next town in hospital at least once per week. Tickets are £6.50 return. I do claim them back from the NHS but it can take up to 8 weeks to get the money back.

Part of my tenancy agreement with the Housing Association is I have to have Contents Insurance Policy so I can't cancel that.

I shop in Aldi or Morrisons MIL works for the latter and gave me her discount card but I still seem to spend £45 a week on both me and DD H never ate what we did so that's not changed much that includes 16 pints of milk as DD drinks 2 9oz bottles of it a day (so nearly a pint a day, a 4 pint bottle is £1.05 I'm quite short and not strong so I buy them in 4 pint bottles) plus I like DD to have porridge for breakfast which I have with her. I also like tea! We buy 2 loaves of bread a week, and DD has to have a banana every night before she goes to bed (it's been the routine since she was 6 months old and she won't go to bed until she's had her banana). So that's £5.55 before I've even bought any meals. Happy to have any ideas how to make it cheaper. Aldi and Morrisons are the only ones in my town, but DM will take me to Tesco or Asda on a Saturday.

Thankfully my DM has bought me a prepay card for my prescriptions, as I'm asthmatic and have hayfever myself.

I do have a cat, but I don't want to have to get rid of her unless I have to as she keeps me company once DD is in bed at night and she also sleeps in DDs room and comes to get me if DD has a problem.

As of September DD will no longer be going to Nursery as my granddad is stopping the £30 a week her gives me to cover it when her free hours kick in this was always the agreement as he has 8 grandchildren and I'm the only one he helps in such a way so he says it's not fair, I tried to speak to Nursery about it but they expect you to use them for at least 2 days which is 22 hours they're open, you use 15 hours of those and pay for the remaining 7 plus meals so it'll cost me £30 a week to send her to Nursery for 2 days which I don't feel I can afford. She currently gets Emerging Needs Funding but that stops at age 2 because most children are either then getting free hours due to DLA or are fixed. Her DLA rate isn't high enough to get any extra funding for the Nursery. So she'll lose her Nursery place and will suffer for it. I'm looking round to try and find another Nursery for her to go to but so far no where has places or will take her due to her SEN and not having the funding to meet her needs.

DD also needs to go swimming at least once a fortnight to strengthen her hips or help them realign if they've dislocated again. The cost is currently covered by Nursery but if she loses her place I'll have to find the cost of that.

So my weekly spend looks like this:
Rent £60
Water £15
Gas £15
Electric £15
Bus Ticket £6.50
TV License £3.06
Home Insurance £5.50
Nappies (bought monthly) £2.50
Food and Toiletries £45
Cat food £2.35
Cat Litter (bought monthly) £1
Swimming (paid on a pay as you go basis) £4.50

That leaves me with around £5 a week, if I'm lucky because DD might need to go to another hospital appointment or something a week. So that means one toddler group a week too, as they're at least £4 a time here maybe, none at all. I'm looking in to free ones but most children go to Nursery aged 2 where I live so the free ones stop at around that age

What the hell am I going to do with DD? She already struggles with boredom on the 4 in 7 she's home. How do I manage when she's home 7 in 7?

I feel so awful for her. Had i waited to have she was a contraception failure then maybe H wouldn't have left us. Maybe I'd have been able to work and we'd be better off, I don't know .

I've messed up so badly, and I don't know how we're going to manage at all. I feel like a slowly sinking ship and it's only a matter of time until she's taken off me by social cuz I can't cope.

When I had to take the spotted toddler out (older child didn't have it), I put the rain cover over the buggy - give that a try - can't see why you can't go for a walk or somewhere like that at nap time

I will admit I haven't RTFT so sorry if I'm repeating things.

Is there an SN nursery near you? Your HB can refer you and it's free as uses the 15 hours. Either that I'd find a preschool that does the 5 x 3 hrs sessions.

Your DD needs mean that once she hits 3 she should get MRC and some mobility element of dla which means it'll increase and then you can claim carers.

Also I'd investigate rent. If you are in an adapted home I don't think they can charge more than the market rent for it iyswim? So if other unadapted but identical homes cost £100 and LHA is £90 then it should apply to you. I am willing to be corrected but I'm sure adaptions come under reasonable adjustments made by law and so are free.

I've been where you are with regards the money. It does get better and I managed to start working once ds started school.

Mostly you will be fine. You are clearly on the ball and your DD is lucky to have you

Im so sorry that you're in such a difficult position.

I would ask your housing association to get you an appointment with a welfare rights officer, I was in a difficult situation a while back and the welfare rights guy got everything sorted for me pretty quickly.
There might be resources that you are entitled to but dont even know about and also social work can be a huge help too, they got my son into counselling services and a group that takes kids away for day trips , organises halloween and xmas parties etc.
Dont deapair try and reach out and take any help offered for you and bubs x

Curly I've had someone from Local Support Team from the council who deals with budgets and benefits come out and see me, she's coming again next week - you've reminded me I needed to tell her DD is spotty.

Your Nearest SN nursery is 20 miles away, and is part of an SN school. DDs current Nursery work with them, and I don't want to move her there unless I have to. I;ve already investigated the rent as well. I'm on HB and entitled to £110 a week now, it won't increase until DD gets middle rate DLA, w're waiting for a proper diagnosis so we can reapply for DLA and hopefully get MR, but the pediatrician is taking his sweet time due to DD being so little he says there's no rush and to "just keep an eye on things" several possibilities have been mentioned though.

Pretent DD hates the raincover so I only use it if I absolutely have to, and she won't nap in her stroller anymore, only in her carseat, at Nursery on the nap mats or in her bed.

keep her away from crowded spaces? No reason you can't go out for a walk with DD in the buggy. Lots of parents have one child with chicken pox and one that somehow hasn't got it and they have to get to school etc - if you need to get out for your mental health, i would go out, just be vigilant about people trying to interact with DD.

Pretent I might do that when she next wakes up, just need 5 minutes air.

You don't need a diagnosis for dla increase just need to show needs are higher than other children same age. It's difficult at 2 because they are all whirlwinds and need watching constantly!

You can prove ATM that your DD needs more than an hour a day care above that if a 2yo though if you do physio for her hip, have to reach and move toys for her, have to physically go to her because of hearing etc. MRC is needing at least an hour a day or nigh above that if a child the same age. A diagnosis won't change her needs.

Im sorry things are so tough for you just now OP.

You We've appealed the decision about LRC but they stuck to the decision, so pediatrician said to wait until we have a diagnosis to apply again.

Food ban

Not mot ban i meant bank im sorry

Can't get to the food bank atm with DD being ill

Haven't read the whole thing but can nothing be done about the Housing Benefit? In our area the rate for two bedrooms would cover £120/wk, and housing association properties shouldn't be charging more than the HB rate I think.

Hont They've recently upped me to £110 a week but no entitled to the full £150 until DD is on MRC for DLA

You are doing great. There are up and down days for two parents and you have to cope with it on your own with the added complications the SN's bring.
Be proud of yourself.

Took DD for a walk at 6.30am, thinking it'd most likely just be dog walkers and joggers who wouldn't be too bothered about interacting with a toddler. She tried her new wellies (previous thread) and had a stomp in the long grass, we saw one person, a jogger who said hi but moved on quickly.

Feel better having had some fresh air. And DD doesn't seem so stir crazy either. She's doing some colouring while I have my first cup of tea of the day

A friend of mine I know through Exhs now former workplace just came round. She works at a local independent cafe now and came armed with cake. She made a big pot of tea and we shared it while DD slept a bit and played.

Hoping that I didn't imagine the spots on her legs starting to scab over, I'd love for her to be able to go back to Nursery on Tuesday!

@PeppaPigObsession do you have any help or support from charities for children with special needs? I think the 'We Love Carers' charity is based in the West Midlands. They may be able to offer you support in the form of signposting to the extra help you can claim, support groups/children's groups. There is also a national charity called Special Kids in the U.K. www.specialkidsintheuk.org where you will find lots of support & advice in your situation.
In regards to your DD's DLA claim. I would recommend reapplying & get someone from the C.A.B or children's health visitor service to fill in the form. As your daughter should be on at least middle rate care for it.

Cant Her paediatrician filled it in with me the first time, and the Health Visitor read through it before it was sent off and provided evidence alongside DDs audiologist, orthopedic consultant and her Nursery. Still only got Lower Rate, we appealed and they stuck with LRC. They've said she's not bad enough for MRC but acknowledged that she needs more care than a normal 2 year old.

As for support, I don;t have much. I contacted Steps Charity on my Health Visitors advise, they specialize in Hip and Leg conditions in infants, but they were a useless for me as they couldn't really advise on DDs other conditions. I'll have a look at that website thank you and the "We love carers" charity, I think I've heard of them which means they're very likely to be at least semi-local.

I have also applied to the Family Fund mentioned earlier in the thread, but it can take 8-10 weeks to hear back from them and I'm not hopeful due to DD only being LRC for DLA.

I'm just recalculating my budget since the developments on the thread. My budget now with the £10 a week my granddad gives me for DDs nursery meals is £189.80:

Rent £40
Gas £15
Electric £15
Bus Ticket £6.50
TV License £3.06
Home Insurance £5.50
Nappies (bought monthly) £2.50
Food and Toiletries £45
Cat food £2.35
Cat Litter (bought monthly) £1
Broadband and Landline Phone £4.50 (currently trying to negotiate it down further already got it down from £25pm to £18pm)
Mobile Phone credit £2.50 (topped up monthly)
Nursery Meals (Breakfast 50p x3, Main Lunchtime Meal £1.50 x3, Tea 80p x3, Snacks 50p x6 - £1.50 for 3+ day discount) £9.90

Sky TV is paid for by my Grandma and Grandpa. So I don't need to worry about that. And they've also bought a Nursery uniform, for DD which is basically polos and sweatshirts with DDs name and the nursery logo on.

I was overpaying on my water and have since had a letter from Severn Trent confirming that I am in credit to them and they won't bill me until March 2018.

So I'm left with £36.99 at the end of the week. A much nicer total than £5 at least!

Thanks for all the help guys, I wouldn't have thought to contact various places without MN.

Delurking to say massive well done!!!

That's amazing to have that left over each week. What a reassuring thing that will be.

I admire you enormously, I'm about 12 years older than you and I don't think I could pull off what you have. And been the parent you are to a daughter who needs so much from you.

Massive well done. You should be so very proud of yourself.

Just had an email from DDs nursery regarding the shoe issue, and I think I might just love them.

DD is allowed to wear slippers in the house (both the Orthopedic Consultant and the Paediatrician said this) so Nursery have suggested so that her only pair of shoes doesn't get ruined she keeps a pair of slippers at Nursery, changes into them when she gets there in the morning. In the cloakroom underneath the pegs there's like a cupboard thing. The General Manager has said I can keep her slippers there overnight/on days she's not in and then during the day her usual shoes can sit in there. Her wellies can be used in the garden/mud kitchens at Nursery and there's storage for every child to keep wellies there if I want to leave DDs, but then if the staff decide to go for a walk to the park etc they will get her other shoes out of the cupboard and put those on her - apparently according to GM this is a reasonable adjustment for her disabilities.

DD has two pairs of slippers in size 3, so I'll just send in her least favourite pair. Could actually cry with happiness!

Your update made me smile, if anyone deserves a a bit of luck it is you. Hope you treated yourself and dd with the extra few pounds to someting nice xx