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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a positive pregnancy test in DSDs bedroom. DH will want her out. What the fuck do I do.

705 replies

K1092902 · 07/07/2017 22:21

I'm in actual genuine shock.

This isn't one of those "my teenage child is better behaved than your teenage child" because it isnt. She is far from perfect but She knows she can tell me anything and I will 100% support her decision on things.

Anyway- on to the topic.

DSD has been working hard all week and took DD out today as I was feeling unwell. She usually does her own laundry and ironing so I decided to do it for her today. Went to put some t shirts away in her drawers and found a positive pregnancy test. Thinking about it (and I know this sounds odd in a way) but I haven't cleaned out any sanitary products from her bathroom bin in the last 2 or 3 months. I know she has been sleeping with someone and she insisted she was taking precautions but as we all know accidents can happen. I assumed she was on the pill as my periods stopped when I was on it a couple of years ago

I was out when she came back with DD and she is now at work until half 12. I'm going to sit and have a chat with her and I know she is either going to be really upset because she doesn't know what to do or angry because she feels I have invaded her personal space- I genuinely didn't go looking for it. I opened the drawer and saw the end peaking out of a pair of slipper socks and knew straight away what it was.

DH is going to be fuming and will probably want to kick her out (can say this with 90% certainty). I will support her decision 100%.

She is 18 (just)

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 07/07/2017 23:20

Most pregnancy tests look positive if left for a while so she might not be pregnant.

I hope your dh wouldn't actually kick her out, if he does then you will need to stand up for her.

As for this....
She does her own laundry etc also tells me that she is not that included in your set up

Why would an 18 yo not do their own washing?

PossibiliTea · 07/07/2017 23:21

Good luck op sounds like she's lucky to have you in the picture

Mrsknackered · 07/07/2017 23:37

I'm surprised how many are shocked about parents throwing out pregnant teens.

A few friends of mine and my own mum did it. In no way am I saying it's right!

I hope your chat goes well OP. I was a teen mum and although life has been a bit shit at times, my DS was the best gift I could have ever received. He pulled me through some real dark days and my love for my baby was never any less because I was younger. With your support, she will thrive.
If she chooses another route then she is very lucky to have you by her side.
She isn't the first pregnant 18 year old and she certainly won't be the last.

notapizzaeater · 07/07/2017 23:40

Does she know her dads option on this ? She must be worried about loosing the only home she's got.

I'm sorry but DH would be gone first

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 07/07/2017 23:42

Your poor DSD. I bet she is terrified of her dads reaction. Please reassure her and speak to your DH and tell him to wind his neck in. Ultimately she is an adult, he needs ro support her.

Original poster
K1092902 · 07/07/2017 23:45

Sorry everyone. Didn't mean to disappear just been having a good blub on the phone to my mum.

Meeting DD at McDonald's at 12. Have spoken to her on the phone and she sounded very upset so I think she suspects I know.

Just can't wait to give her a big hug and tell her everything is going to be OK. Mum has suggested that DSD goes to stay there tonight and over the weekend so I can talk to DH alone.

I'm a nervous wreck right now. Someone please have a glass of Wine for me.

OP posts:
MeanAger · 07/07/2017 23:46

Well first things first, you need to confirm whether she is pregnant. She may have been pregnant but no longer be pregnant. Or that test could have been a friends test. Or it could be one of the faulty ones that shows a positive after a certain period of time.

MeanAger · 07/07/2017 23:47

And I am so glad she has you regardless of what the outcome of tonight's conversation is. You are what she needs.

Xenophile · 07/07/2017 23:47

K1, you sound fabulous.

Hope your conversation with her goes as well as can be expected, poor kid must be so worried and afraid.

StaplesCorner · 07/07/2017 23:48

Why the rush to tell your husband, his bullying is the last thing she needs.

CrispPacket · 07/07/2017 23:48

My dad definitely would've kicked me out...its only since reading this thread tonight I've realised that probably wasn't a normal reaction (seeing this with lots of his behaviour traits recently Hmm ) anyway really hope your dsd is okay. Perhaps it's just an evaporation line and she kept it in her drawer so no one would find it in the bin? Everything crossed things turn out the way she wants them. FlowersCake for you OP, for being awesome

Italiangreyhound · 07/07/2017 23:50

K1092902 I could not live with a man who would abandon his 18 year old pregnant daughter. If he kicks her out I would move out and take her in.

rinabean · 07/07/2017 23:50

You sound so wonderful. Thank god you took it seriously when you married her dad - shame he fucking didn't when he became her father!

I am so so glad that she has you and your mum (and that you have your mum). This could be an awful situation, you and she are both already very upset, but I am so glad you both have this support

I hope he will change his mind. But even if he does he should be sorry for the upset he has caused you both. I hope everything goes well

RiseToday · 07/07/2017 23:51

You sound lovely - your husband on the other hand.......

BalloonDinosaur · 07/07/2017 23:52

I'm so glad she has you there to support her OP, hope the conversation goes ok and you can work it out together.

MeanAger · 07/07/2017 23:53

If he even whispers about kicking her out you hand him his bags and kick him out.

GardenGeek · 07/07/2017 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OverTheRainbowSomewhere · 07/07/2017 23:54

Well done OP you are amazing, she is lucky to have you.

Doubledottvremote · 07/07/2017 23:55

Well done op

Madbum · 07/07/2017 23:58

She's lucky to have you but telling her horrible father should be her decision OP. Hope all goes ok.

PerspicaciaTick · 08/07/2017 00:00

WTAF is the matter with your DH?

He has a young DD who has already experienced more grief in her life than any child should go through. And you think he might actually seriously consider, even for a second, for a nanosecond, that the way to deal with such life-altering news would be to chuck her out to deal with it on her own?

If you are right then he is a truly vile excuse for a father.

justilou · 08/07/2017 00:04

Poor kid... poor you! How lucky for her that she has you and your mum. Here's hoping things will calm down and your DH will see sense. Wish I could give her a hug too!

ohfourfoxache · 08/07/2017 00:06

Oh K I hope it goes as well as it possibly can- what a monumental shock

I'm so glad she has you. Your dh, if he does react in the way that you suspect he will, is an arsehole. I just pray that he surprises you.

Bananamama1213 · 08/07/2017 00:06

I fell pregnant around my 18th birthday. Our son is now 5 and we fell pregnant again when he was 7 months old. I'm so glad I had my mum to support me.

She's very lucky to have you.

dinahmorris · 08/07/2017 00:07

Just wanted to add how good it is that she has you. Whatever she decides you can provide emotional support, and it is really awesome that you are willing to. Your DH is to be dealt with later - once DSD has made her own decision. He can approve / disown to his hearts content, she needs to decide to continue with / terminate any pregnancy without any outside pressure.