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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a positive pregnancy test in DSDs bedroom. DH will want her out. What the fuck do I do.

705 replies

K1092902 · 07/07/2017 22:21

I'm in actual genuine shock.

This isn't one of those "my teenage child is better behaved than your teenage child" because it isnt. She is far from perfect but She knows she can tell me anything and I will 100% support her decision on things.

Anyway- on to the topic.

DSD has been working hard all week and took DD out today as I was feeling unwell. She usually does her own laundry and ironing so I decided to do it for her today. Went to put some t shirts away in her drawers and found a positive pregnancy test. Thinking about it (and I know this sounds odd in a way) but I haven't cleaned out any sanitary products from her bathroom bin in the last 2 or 3 months. I know she has been sleeping with someone and she insisted she was taking precautions but as we all know accidents can happen. I assumed she was on the pill as my periods stopped when I was on it a couple of years ago

I was out when she came back with DD and she is now at work until half 12. I'm going to sit and have a chat with her and I know she is either going to be really upset because she doesn't know what to do or angry because she feels I have invaded her personal space- I genuinely didn't go looking for it. I opened the drawer and saw the end peaking out of a pair of slipper socks and knew straight away what it was.

DH is going to be fuming and will probably want to kick her out (can say this with 90% certainty). I will support her decision 100%.

She is 18 (just)

OP posts:
VeryButchyRestingFace · 07/07/2017 22:32

Don't tellher dad -- it's really none of his business. He does not need to know; it's nothing to do with him; and it sounds like it would actual put her in danger for him to know.

In the event that she decides to keep it, you don't think he'll eventually notice?

MsVestibule · 07/07/2017 22:32

What makes you think he would kick her out? What sort of father does that these days?

You need to speak to her about it - given the circumstances, and your good relationship(?), hopefully she won't be too annoyed about your accidental invasion of her privacy.

ScarletForYa · 07/07/2017 22:32

Kick your DH out, let your dsd stay.

NSEA · 07/07/2017 22:32

Are you certain she is still pregnant. She may have discussed with boyfriend and privately decided on not keeping it.

This is not something you should be talking to an 18 year old about. She is an adult it is her right to be confidential.

milliemolliemou · 07/07/2017 22:33

Is DH going to be around when DSD comes in or any time soon after? In which case I'd save the talk and fit it in as soon as you can.

Original poster
K1092902 · 07/07/2017 22:33

Her mum passed away 4 years ago so yes she lives with us full time.

DH is very old fashioned and still thinks of her as a child and has said in the past to her she wouldn't have his support if she got pregnant at a young age.

I just know this is going to be completely fucking with her mentally. I just want to drive to her work and give her a big cuddle Sad

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 07/07/2017 22:33

Wow, your DH is a peach.

I am glad your dsd has someone who cares.

Cagliostro · 07/07/2017 22:34

Oh gosh. Poor DSD no wonder she hasn't said anything if she knows how her dad will react :( she is lucky to have you. Hope the conversation goes as well as these things can. It's a shame she may be angry about the fact you've been in her stuff, but I think it needs to happen to get it out in the open :( (not telling her dad though)

Namechangetempissue · 07/07/2017 22:35

So her mum died a fairly short time ago at a young age at he would still kick her out? Cunt. Sorry, but he is if he does that.

Chillyegg · 07/07/2017 22:35

Well he needs fucking snap out of it. Shes 18 and can have sex.
If his old fashioned values are so important , more so than his dd, then you need to leave because he just sounds cruel.

CrackersDontMatter · 07/07/2017 22:35

He'd kick her out? Disgusting, seriously. That would be the end of my marriage tbh. However, good to know that your dsd has an ally in you. If she knows what her dad's reaction will be she must be terrified right now. As if having your first baby isn't daunting enough. Hopefully she'll open up when you have a chat and you can offer her support and reassurance.

Lancelottie · 07/07/2017 22:36

You sure you're reading it properly? If you leave them too long, many of them look 'positive' anyway (if it's the sort with two lines, or a line and a cross).

anchor9 · 07/07/2017 22:36

what an arsehole.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/07/2017 22:37

DH is very old fashioned and still thinks of her as a child and has said in the past to her she wouldn't have his support if she got pregnant at a young age

That's just so.... he doesn't even know how she got pregnant yet. It doesn't take a genius to work out that pregnancy isn't always the result of careless people having sex. (Not that the reaction would be acceptable even if that was how it happened)

user1487175389 · 07/07/2017 22:37

Your issue is with your 'd' h. What kind of a man throws his pregnant daughter out for the 'crime' of getting pregnant? Are you sure you want to be with him?

Chillyegg · 07/07/2017 22:37

The poor love her mums passed away and shes pregnant and has a dad thats a twat.

Notagainmun · 07/07/2017 22:38

Thank God she has you. Her father doesn't need to know immediately (or at all if she decides not to continue with the pregnancy). Let her know that if he kicks her out, you and your DD are going with her.

Intransige · 07/07/2017 22:39

I can't believe he would kick her out?? Really???? Surely no parent is that horrible.

ShinyGirl · 07/07/2017 22:39

The test wouldn't be reliable if it was used a while ago.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 07/07/2017 22:39

He needs to grow up

justanotheryoungmother · 07/07/2017 22:40

Your DH should be kinder Sad

She may not want to keep it (it's her decision after all). If she doesn't, you wouldn't need to tell DH? It's a rotten situation to be in for both of you right now Sad

furryelephant · 07/07/2017 22:40

My dad always insisted that I'd basically be disowned for getting pregnant young. I did (Grin). Was terrified of telling him and put it off for a long time, he was angry for a day and then was very supportive and my DD and I have moved back in with my parents.
No matter what he may say, when the situation arises I would put money on it that that opinion will change.
You sound like an absolutely lovely step parent though, she's very lucky to have you!

EyeHalveASpellingChequer · 07/07/2017 22:40

If he kicks her out, kick him out and take your DSD back in.

NellieFiveBellies · 07/07/2017 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Agoddessonamountaintop · 07/07/2017 22:41

I just want to drive to her work and give her a big cuddle
So drive her to wirk and give her a big cuddle. Her so-called fucking father clearly won't. How could you talk about 'withdrawing support' from a young girl whose mother died when she was - what - 12?
Sounds like you're the only useful parent she has, poor thing.

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