Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a positive pregnancy test in DSDs bedroom. DH will want her out. What the fuck do I do.

705 replies

K1092902 · 07/07/2017 22:21

I'm in actual genuine shock.

This isn't one of those "my teenage child is better behaved than your teenage child" because it isnt. She is far from perfect but She knows she can tell me anything and I will 100% support her decision on things.

Anyway- on to the topic.

DSD has been working hard all week and took DD out today as I was feeling unwell. She usually does her own laundry and ironing so I decided to do it for her today. Went to put some t shirts away in her drawers and found a positive pregnancy test. Thinking about it (and I know this sounds odd in a way) but I haven't cleaned out any sanitary products from her bathroom bin in the last 2 or 3 months. I know she has been sleeping with someone and she insisted she was taking precautions but as we all know accidents can happen. I assumed she was on the pill as my periods stopped when I was on it a couple of years ago

I was out when she came back with DD and she is now at work until half 12. I'm going to sit and have a chat with her and I know she is either going to be really upset because she doesn't know what to do or angry because she feels I have invaded her personal space- I genuinely didn't go looking for it. I opened the drawer and saw the end peaking out of a pair of slipper socks and knew straight away what it was.

DH is going to be fuming and will probably want to kick her out (can say this with 90% certainty). I will support her decision 100%.

She is 18 (just)

OP posts:
SistersOfPercy · 07/07/2017 22:41

My dad used to say similar to me. I was also 18 when I fell pregnant with DS and words are often very different to actions.
He supported me, helped me through and I couldn't have done it without him or mum.

Sometimes this stuff is said in a warning kind of way and not necessarily meant. Hopefully this is the case for your DH too.

Original poster
K1092902 · 07/07/2017 22:42

If I'm honest I think this will leave a very big crack in mine and DHs relationship and we will need to spend some time apart if he doesn't want to support DSD. Luckily we all have somewhere to go (my parents) and if necessary temporarily DSD will go alone and she is very close to my mum.

I think DH will be annoyed/upset as well as we are trying for another child and not having much luck- it took nearly 3 years for us to conceive DD.

I AM wondering about texting her and asking her to meet me at McDonald's and I will buy her something to eat so we can chat away from home

OP posts:
ZoeWashburne · 07/07/2017 22:42

You need to be there for your DSD, even if that means throwing DH out of the house until he can act like an adult if he kicks off. Pick up DSD from work and talk to her before you get home. This is not your secret to tell, but tell her you are there for her 100% whatever she decides. She has options, but she needs to decide soon what she wants to do. The best thing you can be is calm, factual, discrete, and supportive.

Poor thing.

coconuttella · 07/07/2017 22:42

How can you be married to someone like this? LTB

Onhold · 07/07/2017 22:42

I'd kick him out.

SistersOfPercy · 07/07/2017 22:42

Cross posted with @furryelephant seems we had similar dads 😊

PovertyJetset · 07/07/2017 22:43

I agree follow your instincts and give her the big cuddle and all your emotional support.

Original poster
K1092902 · 07/07/2017 22:43

I also do not want DSD feeling guilty if me and DH split up as I know it will break her heart and I don't want to put that on to her right now- she has seen it once before with her Mum and Dad and I don't want her to have to go through it again

OP posts:
coconuttella · 07/07/2017 22:43

I think DH will be annoyed/upset as well as we are trying for another child

Wtaf? WHY!!!

MsLexicon · 07/07/2017 22:43

I do not understand anyone being so crass as to kick out a vulnerable pregnant girl from her family home.. sounds Victorian!
I am sorry this has happened in this way and hope that it all works out

Squishedstrawberry4 · 07/07/2017 22:44

Discuss it with her, then tell him when she's away one weekend so you can both talk it through and help him see sense. If he chocked her out, I'd leave too because I wouldn't give my time to someone so unkind or missing in meaningful morals

ZoeWashburne · 07/07/2017 22:44

Cross post- sounds like you have a good plan. All you need is one life vest in a storm to keep you from going under. Be that for her.

Hugs to you too.

Orroco · 07/07/2017 22:44

What do you do? Divorce your DH!

MermaidsTears · 07/07/2017 22:44

You sound so caring op.
I would imagine dsd would be relieved to finally have it out in the open so she can get support from you and someone to talk her options over with.
I think it will be a weight off her shoulders to not carry the anxiety anymorebeingIt being secret.

MumsOnCrack · 07/07/2017 22:44

It may not be her test. BUT if it is inwtill remember a pregnancy scare when I was 16 and my Mum saying, "It'll be fine, we will work it out together." It never got past this point as I went home and had started my period but I will never forget her reaction and the support I felt. It's so important.

FaithAgain · 07/07/2017 22:45

I think that's a good plan. Take her out and give her the opportunity to chat. She needs to know someone is on her side and you can support her as she considers her options. If you're right and she is pregnant, she must be terrified.

Chillyegg · 07/07/2017 22:45

Hed be upset because youve been trying to conceive? Shock
Is thatfor real? That shows him in his true light!! Its his fucking dd i highly doubt she got pregnant to spite you. Definitely go meet her at maccys.

Bumpins19 · 07/07/2017 22:45

Ooof! Tricky one! I would just sit down and chat with her in first instance. I can understand how she might be angry about you 'going through her stuff' but I think provided you phrase it as stumbling across it by accident, it should settle things. Chances are she probably wants somebody to talk to anyway. I remember being late and taking a (negative) pregnancy test at about her age and I would have loved somebody to confide in for just that so can only imagine how she must feel.

I don't think DH needs to know yet. As others had said above, she might have already decided not to keep the baby and then, arguably, does he really need to know at all if he's not actually the type to deal out the hugs?

Plus, are you 100% sure he means what he says? My own dad was never quite as bad as threatening to kick me out if I got pregnant at a young age but he talked quite the talk on discipline...never actually went through with a lot of it in reality. Obviously you know your DH better than I do but I'm just saying, from my own experience, I'm a tad hesitant to believe he would definitely do it when he's actually faced with the reality.

Regardless of what happens, thoughts are with you and your family!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 07/07/2017 22:46

"Old fashioned" Translation: "Misogynistic pig."

Poor girl lost her mum and she has prick as a dad. At least she has someone.

Chillyegg · 07/07/2017 22:46

You sound lovely op

Squishedstrawberry4 · 07/07/2017 22:47

why can't he just enjoy his grandchild in stead of feeling jealous

Notagainmun · 07/07/2017 22:47

You sound a fantastic step mum. So glad you are putting her first. He could treat your DD the same in years to come. I hope it is the case that he is all talk and that when it comes down to it he turns out to be supportive.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 07/07/2017 22:48

Thank goodness she has you OP Flowers

I truly hope your DH surprises you.

Go and give your DSD that hug.

MorelloKisses · 07/07/2017 22:49

Wow!

I can perhaps understand him saying he wouldn't support her - as a misplaced attempt at siscoiraging her/ getting the importance across to her...

But actually disowning your daughter (and grandchild) just wow!

And thinking my partner might disown his daughter (whatever the circumstances) - I couldn't be with him. He would t have to follow through on it, just making me believe that he'd abandon her would be enough

skyzumarubble · 07/07/2017 22:49

You sound lovely. Go and see her and take it from there - he might surprise you with the reality of it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread