Found a positive pregnancy test in DSDs bedroom. DH will want her out. What the fuck do I do.

[K1092902]

I'm in actual genuine shock.

This isn't one of those "my teenage child is better behaved than your teenage child" because it isnt. She is far from perfect but She knows she can tell me anything and I will 100% support her decision on things.

Anyway- on to the topic.

DSD has been working hard all week and took DD out today as I was feeling unwell. She usually does her own laundry and ironing so I decided to do it for her today. Went to put some t shirts away in her drawers and found a positive pregnancy test. Thinking about it (and I know this sounds odd in a way) but I haven't cleaned out any sanitary products from her bathroom bin in the last 2 or 3 months. I know she has been sleeping with someone and she insisted she was taking precautions but as we all know accidents can happen. I assumed she was on the pill as my periods stopped when I was on it a couple of years ago

I was out when she came back with DD and she is now at work until half 12. I'm going to sit and have a chat with her and I know she is either going to be really upset because she doesn't know what to do or angry because she feels I have invaded her personal space- I genuinely didn't go looking for it. I opened the drawer and saw the end peaking out of a pair of slipper socks and knew straight away what it was.

DH is going to be fuming and will probably want to kick her out (can say this with 90% certainty). I will support her decision 100%.

She is 18 (just)

I used to work as a teenage pregnancy midwife and actually the vast majority of angry dads did come round and many ended up being very supportive.

I haven't RTFT but from what I have read it sounds uncertain as to whether you would want him to come round anyway. You DSD will do fine with the support of you and your mum. Ensure she is referred to a specialist midwife if possible for access to any services in the area and expert support.

Good luck.

-------- here is a line
Some men like their lives like this line, straight, you can see where is going, no surprises.
-----/+-!
Now the line has obsticles, some men do not know how to deal with them so they become predictable and do the only thing they can think of and that's the fight or flight.
Yes the op's dh might be a bloody arse in his reactions but they knew he would do this.
The whole situation needs time and the op's dh needs someone who is not affected by this situation to be able to talk to and to share his fears.
I'm sure he is only reacting like this because he wants what he thinks is the best for his daughter but he does not know how to go about it.
I hope all this works out for you xxxx

someone who would treat his own daughter and grandchild like that doesn't deserve the time of day IMHO. You are clearly a lovely person OP and you don't deserve to have to deal with a man like that.

Best of luck to you x

He wants his younger daughter back? Presumably though, in 15 years' time if she gets pregnant, he'd throw her out too. Obviously she's better off with you.

I just can't get my head around how people like your H think - and how they feel. So his daughter is pregnant - so he doesn't love her anymore? Because if he did, he would want to support her.

All I can hope for (and it probably won't be enough for you) is that he comes to his senses after a period of reflection and realises and admits that he is wrong. I don't suppose that's likely though.

I'm so sorry he reacted exactly how you both expected op. And the bollocks about ringing the police, wtaf?!

In what manner is it "his" house btw? I'd argue that there is possible chance of you getting an occupation order - throwing out a pregnant teenager against your will is definitely abusive behaviour.

You, a small child, a teenager and a baby definitely need the house more than a single bloke does.

My GMIL reacted like this when BIL announced his gf was pregnant. Even went so far as to write him a letter detailing her disappointment, and threw in loads of religious stuff about wedlock and sins and such. Essentially said "you're dead to me and your child is an abomination".

Which makes it super awkward now, when she tries to engage him and his beautiful daughter in conversation, or buys gifts for her...

So sorry your husband has reacted like this. I hope he cools down and comes to his senses before he loses you all.

Your stepdaughter is extremely lucky to have you and your parents

I think most parents of teens would be upset in these circumstances.
The problem with such an extreme reaction is that it can only stem from some pretty misogynistic and unpleasant views that are unlikely to change.
What exactly is is issue - does he think he 'owns' his daughter? That she shouldn't be having sex?
Clearly, he doesn't respect her as an autonomous adult, with her own life and the freedom to engage in sexual relationships. Id on't think I would want someone in my life who held those sorts of views.
Even if he does 'come around' I would force him to question his own deeply held views and answer some hard questions about his reasons for reacting the way he did.

OP you are amazing and a wonderful role model to your DD and DSD.

They are both very lucky to have you as a mum.

Strength isn't about knowing all the answers and always being right, but showing support and vulnerability. It's healthy that she can see you cry, yet so the right thing.

Hes called the police? Over what?
"Hello, Police? I'd like to report that someone has stolen my 18yr old daughters virginity before I, her father, was ready to give my consent!"

What a twat. I had the grandchild surprise earlier this year, and DD was worried I'd go all Victorian. I did, but in my head overnight. Then I woke up, decided not to be a total wanker, and told her I knew and was overjoyed. I mean, a baby you can give back when it emits a strange noise/smell/substance? What's not to like?

The police call handler's face would have been a picture!

You will get through this, and so will DSD. Stick together and you will all be fine. Best of luck to you all

What a bastard.

I agree with TheVeryThing - in fact what he/she has said is The Very Thing!

Hope all four of you are supporting each other at your Mum's house.

I am so sorry that he has chosen to react in this way. To be fair, you obviously knew he would. Your DSD is so lucky to have you and your mum in her life and I am sure that you ladies all getting on with things and living happily ever after will make your husband reassess his feelings on the subject. Can't see him apologizing though. I hope things work out for you all. X

Hopefully he'll come round. I am sure my parents would have reacted this way too (my mum always threatened to throw me out if I got pregnant as a teen) but my mum said to me the other year that she would have come round because it was her grandchild and she would have, after the initial shock and worry, been delighted. I'm not so sure about my father.

Can I mention the other grandparents? The father probably panicked - he may well also come round in the end. But if your DSD is going to keep the baby, they may well be in a position to help and provide support. And it is their grandchild.

What a completely delusional arse he is.

You on the other hand are amazing OP. Your dsd is lucky to have you in her life. One day your dh will realise what a pompous git he is and what he threw away over nothing. Hope his pride keeps him warm when his house is empty.

Good luck to you, your dsd and your equally lovely mum. That baby has a whole trio of fab strong women to raise them 😀

To take a different view here, maybe he doesnt mean he will kick her out, just be disappointed? Most parents would, I imagine, be disappointed deep down if their young child got pregnant, especially the fathers, even if they would never admit it to said child. But fathers are much more protective over their daughters than their sons really, so her getting pregnant before marriage will be likely to cause disappointment. I am pretty sure if I had gotten pregnant at that age, my dad would have been angry and disappointed in me. But I'm also sure that he would support me in the end, after he's had a while to sulk about the fact his daughter is no longer a child. Yes its not the right reaction, but he's a father, they are less reasonable when it comes to their daughters behaviour usually. How many times have you seen instances where a father tells his son "congratulations" on getting a girlfriend, but if his daughter gets a boyfriend, its "who is he? what does he do? is he a criminal?", that type of mentality? Its not right, but its men. Its the same as mothers who think no woman is good enough for their son, its not right, but its the way their mind works when it comes to their children.

I think thats maybe what he meant, but that hopefully, after he's had his time to be annoyed about it (unfairly yes, he shouldnt be annoyed or sulk or be disappointed, but when have men ever been reasonable?), that he will support her and he wont kick her out. If he was that kind of parent, I'm sure he'd have kicked her out ages ago already, saying that she has a job so she can go and get her own place.

I hope thats the case and that he does actually support her. If he doesnt, take the other poster's views and kick him out instead if he does actually refuse point blank to support her. I imagine it was more of a fake threat though than a real one. But I dont know him of course, I am going by what the majority of men are like with their daughters.

Did not see that this thread had gone on for 25 pages and that he'd already, from the sounds of it, said he wont support her. Least she has you then. He's a disappointment of a man.

Would love to have overheard the conversation with the police.

"Hello Mr angry here. My wife has taken our 3yr old and my adult dd to her mother's after I threw my adult dd out the house for getting pregnant. I demand you go round there and tell my wife to bring our 3 yr old back to my house. I am the man of the house and this disrespectfulness just won't do. Wife should do as I say not think she can go off wherever she wants. "

Police "errr are you calling from the 19th century?"

DH "no 27 Pratt street"

Police "oh you are actually serious? Fuck off you idiot stop wasting my time"

Willow - I hope that's what happened
OP

OP I am so glad that your dsd has you to rely on. I know getting pregnant at a young age is not ideal. I was 18 when I got pregnant and my family were horrified. I had a two year old sister and my mum was the person that told everybody to wind their neck in and that "its just a baby, not a terminal disease ffs!". I had my second 18 months later and I struggled but my mum made my life tolerable and even at times ( when I wasn't exhausted from two kids in nappies!) made it enjoyable. Her having my little sister just two years older helped. I got remarried a few years later and had to more. So we 4 kids at age 30. People said I was mad. We were always on the bread line, scraped to get by at times but my kids always had food in their bellies and enough love to get us through anything. Things changed a few years ago with better jobs etc but a year after my youngest was born, I was diagnosed with a whole bunch of autoimmune diseases and a connective tissue disorder. I am on low dose chemotherapy for the rest of my life so if I HAD waited as my entire family had hoped, I would have been unable to have any children at all as the chemo causes pretty much every pregnancy known to miscarry. So I am bloody glad I had my kids when I did!

You never know what is around the corner. I am sure your DSD will be absolutely fine. Yes she may struggle but don't we all? having your own house/mortgage/job/marriage/money in the bank does not make that stop. It isn't a magic spell that makes parent hood a breeze. All women struggle with their kids, but she has you. That's a gift and a half by the sounds of it.

Sorry to hear OP.
I really thought your DH may have made a throwaway comment years ago that would not be acted on if the situation was a reality.

This must be really hard for you as, regardless of DH's behaviour, feeling like your marriage might be over is devastating.

I hope he realises what a remarkable woman he stands to lose on top of his precious DD's. How lonely his life will soon start to feel.