DD3 to DM "you've got a big nose, Granny"

[Applesandpears55]

So my DD who is 3.5 looked at my mum this morning and said "Granny, you've got a big nose". DM said to her "well thanks, that's actually very rude" in a very defensive and unhappy manner. DDis very sensitive and was upset by this. She frequently says things like "mummy, you have big feet" and things like "mummy, that boy has a black face" in reference to a boy at nursery. I tell her that people come in all shapes and sizes and we're all different and that's a good thing.

I had a chat to DM and explained that she would say any adult has a big nose as it's bigger than hers. She's just observing. My mum is a teacher and says it' unacceptable for my daughter to say that. She also said that if I said to my daughter that she had a big nose, she'd be upset by that so she's old enough to know it's not nice. I disagree. My mum is now very upset with me and said that i always think I'm right (which I don't). So AIBU or is my mum.

Please don't stop talking to your DD about everyone being different and bodies being amazing in all their shapes, sizes and colours. My children are mixed race so we talk about colour a fair bit - it's not judging it's observing and appreciating difference. BTW most black people I know really don't have an issue with being black - and a comment from a 3 yr old is the perfect opportunity to open a discussion and tackle any negative stereotypes.
Yes your DD will have to learn that some comments are perceived as rude even when they are factual but 3 is very young to have got this nailed down!
As for you DM she over reacted ridiculously and now you have said about how she was with you growing up I would limit her contact with DD and it would definitely only be in my presence.
It sounds to me as if you are a thoughtful parent trying to bring up a confident, interested and non judgemental DD. Keep talking!

Completely agree, upsidedownmonkey.

She is 3.5! Personally I think, you are NOT being U!

Recently my neighbours 6 year old (possible autism) said to my friend "my mums not like you, she's not wide".

My friend is a larger lady - but she found it funny! She has an autistic child and knows that they just say what they see.

So what if Granny has a big nose?! How is that offensive??

My 4 and 5 year old like to tell me I have a big bum and a big belly - I'm only a size 10-12!
But I would never ever say anything to them which could hurt or upset them. That's not fair on them.

I would simply explain over and over again, until the understood.

Your daughter is young. She's learning.
Granny is older and should know better to reply like that!

You can have a discussion about it being rude to comment on people's appearance without reinforcing what is deemed 'wrong'.