To think it's no ones business where my money comes from?

[Temporaryname4958]

Hi, I've NC'd for this as I try to keep my finances off the net so would rather be as anonymous as possible. I enjoy a relatively nice lifestyle. I work (for myself) 3 days per month. Most of this is freelance work, relatively low paid I just want to keep up to date with my skills. I spend the rest of the time with my young child, experimenting with hobbies and interests and trying to have some kind of social life... I live my life for me and not for work. I am VERY lucky to be able to do so. I know this, I spent years living in poverty and I know how lucky I am and try to never make finances a subject of conversation or an importance socially as I'd really hate for anyone to be uncomfortable around me, anyhow. I have a new group of friends, in a new place that I live. I've been questioned quite intently about my finances as I do not have a partner (I have a husband but we are divorcing and don't live together) nor a "proper job". I never feel the need to disclose where I get my income, but some of these "friends" who probably don't deserve to be called that (and I'm one millimetre from cutting contact) have taken to calling me a "benefits scrounger" behind my back (FYI I've never claimed never intend to and I'm not eligible to either), other rumours include that im a drug dealer, a prostitute/some other fraudster. It's making me very upset.
One lady who isn't spreading these rumours that I know of but is in the group among where they're being spread has text me to say "perhaps if you actually come clean with how your money is made or how you live then all this will stop?" This has annoyed me for 2 reasons.

1. Coming clean infers I've lied/covered it up. I just try to avoid talking about it.
2. It's no ones business IMO.

I break no laws, Claim no tax payers money (although I feel this one is no ones business anyway as I'd never expect someone to tell me this!) and harm no one. Aibu to think it's no ones business and just cut these friends off? I like to spend time with them and it's nice to have people to talk to and go out with but this might just be a bit too far tbh.

itbetterthanabox How patronising! Asking people what they earn is instrusive and rude! I happen to think being polite is important. Most people with the most basic manners would not dream of asking such a personal question. Start a thread here and see how many will openly share with you what they earn. Tell them we need to be more open about things and see how far you get. I expect it won't be very far at all.

Why should we be more open, btw? What a person earns is their own business, no one else's! I'm flummoxed by your position. It's bizarre. I

We need to be more open about these things

Why? What good does it do, apart from create envy in others for having had what can be perceived as lucky breaks.

I've explained my position very clearly.
Secrecy around money leads to a wider societal gap between rich and poor and allows for pay discrimination.
If only benefits the wealthy.
I know a lot of people would disagree. Because we've been told it's bad to talk about. Sometimes breaking convention allows for progress.

I'm coming from a country where taking about money is not seeing as an issue.
However, demanding to know how one person earns their money would never be seen as acceptable. If you want to say it, then do so but being intrusive when the person clearly wants to keep it for themsleves isn't.
In the same way, one person talking about how much they earn isn't an issue as such. But asking them directly (esp if you do because you want to check out how much they earn etc...) isn't.

Tbh you usually do have a quite good idea just knowing what people do (eg expensive hols, house etc etc)

This article well explains why the money taboo is such a problem.
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/laurashin/2015/04/14/the-money-taboo-why-it-exists-who-it-benefits-and-how-to-navigate-it/amp/

itsbetter you are right there but the reality is that we all have no real idea of what the really rich actually have (often the amount of money they have is just so big that it doesn't quite make sense to us anyway).

But you can get your head around the idea that someone gets more than you. Let's say you earn £20k and they earn £100k.
If you compare those two earnings, Basically you would only end up comparing earnings between most of us (who have a very small part of the wealth, around 5% I think but it could be less) rather than between us and the super rich (who have the 95% of the wealth).
You still wouldnt see the real societal gap. But you certainly would certainly add to the discontent and jealousy within our group (where the gap doesn't exist as such. Or not to the huge extend it exists between us and the super rich)

Income from various jobs is quite easy to find out. But I don't think it's necessary to link it to a particular person.

For example, teaching, nursing pay scales are published. It's not necessary for a friend to know where you are on the pay scale and which band you are. You may be a sister, head of nursing, staff nurse or matron. It's not necessary for friends to know exactly which you are and therefore what you earn.
I think it's important that it's easy to find out rates fir various jobs - it helps you make informed choices but not linked with a person.

I think knowing what others earn actually creates jealousy and is damaging. It causes people to judge on how they think you should spend your money!

You haven't got very nice friends head if they judge what you spend your money on.

I wouldn't want them as friends. It's not normal to go around making up salacious rumours about friends nor is expecting them to have to explain themselves to quell said rumours.

We've a decent enough income coming into our house but are crap with money, I wonder do people assume we spend it on drink and drugs

I wouldn't want them as friends. It's not normal to go around making up salacious rumours about friends nor is expecting them to have to explain themselves to quell said rumours.

We've a decent enough income coming into our house but are crap with money, I wonder do people assume we spend it on drink and drugs

Tell them you won the lottery a few years age, that should shut them up!!

Haven't RTFT, but I bloody want to know how you get a lovely lifestyle working three days a month, cos I want to do it myself! except I'd do 6 days and earn more
So come on, spill!

It's no one else business but of course people will think how can she afford a nice lifestyle when she is not on the surface of it creating the income to sustain it - sorry but that's the truth

If you say you have experienced poverty have these friends been there since the start and maybe can't figured out what changed? Or are they new friends perhaps hoping to know your secret and pursue a similar career if it affords such a good lifestyle

Could be a variety of reasons why you can afford what you can usually inheritance or a job which pays more than people think or having had a family member pay off a mortgage on your behalf etc

If you want this keep the friends, tell them you received an inheritance from a dear old aunt and with careful investment, it will see you though until your child reaches xxx age and you can get back to working more hours.

If you don't want to keep the friends, tell them it's none of their business because none of it comes from the public purse, and then cut ties and find some new friends.

I'm surprised that so many replies state the friends are bound to behave like this, and that the poster would be the same as these friends!
I think you're right, its none of their business if you don't want to talk about it, and however curious they feel, they certainly have no right to spread idea like that you're a prostitute or drug dealer - that could seriously damage your reputation (is there any risk that someone who works at the companies you work for could hear any of this, that could be v unpleasant?).
This seems beyond a joke to me - i would text them stating that you've heard from 3rd parties that they've been spreading unpleasant rumours about you, and that it needs to stop.
Personally, I'd feel as tho wild horses wouldn't drag out of me any of the info they're after - I'm shocked so many people see this as kind of your fault!

I'm assuming you have a private income, quite possibly family money, but you're quite right, it's nowt to do with anyone else. The issue for you, as I understand it from your post, is how other people are reacting to you and talking about you. My suggestion is a damn good response along the lines of "I thought you'd think better of me than that", or you could just say you were left a small bequest from an elderly relative, which is enough to keep you if you are careful.

Is it too late to reserve a space and pull up with my popcorn

Tell your friends and any other nosey people something ridiculous.....you found a suitcase full of money.....you invented the wheel....tell them with a straight face...

When they tell you to bugger off, or say 'no really??' Just wink at them and change the subject

Or even better tell them your an Assasin that specialises in nosey sods....then pause for a long time and after they respond....wink an change subject.

It's no ones business but yours.

Dodge those questions and have some fun too....😉

OP could get her money from a lottery win, a large inheritance, family funding or any other source. At the of the day, most of us have to work for our income and (at best) are intrigued by someone who lives comfortably without obviously doing the 9-5 thing, or (at worst) assume the worst and start speculating about prostitution, drug dealing or benefits scrounging - which is jealousy talking imo.

I have a friend who gets a huge amount annually from her grandmothers trust fund (granny was seriously loaded) and works part time in a shop just for something to do. Maybe OP is in a similar fortunate position.

Ignore and block those people who are spreading nasty rumours OP and keep them guessing.

idiots!!!

Temporary by being as evasive on this thread as you are with your friends you are creating exactly the same scenario. To me this feels like you're playing some kind of 'you'll never guess, I'll never tell but loving the attention.' game. You clearly have too much time on your hands.

It's pretty normal for friends to be open about their finances to each other, OP. Probably less so the less they worry about money.
In your case I should think the phrase 'I am very fortunate to have a private income' should cover it?