To think it's no ones business where my money comes from?

[Temporaryname4958]

Hi, I've NC'd for this as I try to keep my finances off the net so would rather be as anonymous as possible. I enjoy a relatively nice lifestyle. I work (for myself) 3 days per month. Most of this is freelance work, relatively low paid I just want to keep up to date with my skills. I spend the rest of the time with my young child, experimenting with hobbies and interests and trying to have some kind of social life... I live my life for me and not for work. I am VERY lucky to be able to do so. I know this, I spent years living in poverty and I know how lucky I am and try to never make finances a subject of conversation or an importance socially as I'd really hate for anyone to be uncomfortable around me, anyhow. I have a new group of friends, in a new place that I live. I've been questioned quite intently about my finances as I do not have a partner (I have a husband but we are divorcing and don't live together) nor a "proper job". I never feel the need to disclose where I get my income, but some of these "friends" who probably don't deserve to be called that (and I'm one millimetre from cutting contact) have taken to calling me a "benefits scrounger" behind my back (FYI I've never claimed never intend to and I'm not eligible to either), other rumours include that im a drug dealer, a prostitute/some other fraudster. It's making me very upset.
One lady who isn't spreading these rumours that I know of but is in the group among where they're being spread has text me to say "perhaps if you actually come clean with how your money is made or how you live then all this will stop?" This has annoyed me for 2 reasons.

1. Coming clean infers I've lied/covered it up. I just try to avoid talking about it.
2. It's no ones business IMO.

I break no laws, Claim no tax payers money (although I feel this one is no ones business anyway as I'd never expect someone to tell me this!) and harm no one. Aibu to think it's no ones business and just cut these friends off? I like to spend time with them and it's nice to have people to talk to and go out with but this might just be a bit too far tbh.

If anyone asked me my income I'd be and go out of my way never to cross paths with them.
It's on the same level of asking how many times a week you have sex!

Hi OP

If I were your friend I would be very curious- because I'd be quite envious and I'd like to know if that lifestyle would be possible for me to emulate. That's all. However, if you refused to say I wouldn't go starting routers about you, I would just leave it (and wonder in my head!)

If I were you I would just say that it's a combination of making a few wise investment choices years ago and a very good divorce lawyer! No need to divulge any further.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do with your friends though

I'll add as well, I'm self employed and work from home the equivalent of 1 day a week but spread out around my children. It brings in a nice income (I do have a partner though) and I do find friends ask about it, because I'm constantly out and about during the day and they're curious if it's something they're wondering if they can do from home and around their children as well. (It's not MLM or triangular shaped either )

I've scanned the thread and see you've told us where your income comes from - I also think you're quite reasonable to not want to share this with anyone. I ASSumed you'd had a lottery win or came from family money before reading that, and it's what I'd assume irl too.
I would never ask you about your income sources, and the idea of your friends (are you sure??) asking if you're a prostitute (not slating sex workers, do what's needed to feed yourself/your kids) just because you won't tell them where you get your money is ludicrous!! If anything it would make me even more determined to NEVER tell them but I can be a meddler when feeling mischievous and let them wonder. It's no ones business except yours.

How about "I used to work in property development", or "I have a property portfolio".

Round here people would assume it was inheritance or ex-DH having a high salary. I can't imagine people even bothering to speculate.

It's not unreasonable for friends to wonder, but to spread rumours is not the mark of a friend.

I'm as nosey as the next person but it wouldn't occur to me to invent perjorative stories about someone's income. They are not friends, I'd try to build different 'school' friends if possible.

Assuming you are UK, money is not something we tend to talk about socially. If they have nothing better to do with their energy than invent malicious rumours then you would be well away from them.

I think you just need to say you have wellnpaying investments. They don't need to know the ins and outs
BUT there are lots of jobs or ways of getting income that people may not want to be friends with eg drug dealer or something illegal, debt collector, MI6 torture specialist, tester on animals, nuclear scientist, etc etc People will have their own reasons eg don't agree with the ethics etc.

I live in a small place too - people are so fucking nosy. dress up provocatively to do your weekly shop, that'll get them really talking

op, I think yabu. You don't need to lie about it, just tell the truth in a general kind of way. When people ask me (my situation is different from yours obviously, I live with DH and 2 DSs in a really nice part of London, I'm a childminder and DH is a teacher, and friends have asked me in the past how we can afford our house which is worth a small fortune and we are mortgage free). I just say we were lucky with some of our investments in the property market. No need to give details. You could say 'I was lucky enough to be left money by a family member years ago' or 'I managed to save and invest when I had a well paid job'. No need to go into the details but really just tell them the truth in a general way. unless you have something to hide.

If anyone asked me my income I'd be shock and go out of my way never to cross paths with them. It's on the same level of asking how many times a week you have sex!

Its funny how this varies though across cultures. I've worked with people for whom asking financial information is on a par with asking about the weather but asking about health (as in 'are you well?') is terribly intrusive and personal.

Can't think of one where asking how much sex an aquaintance has is appropriate but I have come across some where within same sex groups across generations is entirely normal!

Hmm, if it's got to the point of someone feeling emboldened to approach you as a prostitute, then it is probably time to say something vague about a property portfolio.

Really you don't owe them any explanations but their gossiping could put you at risk. I'm imagining a nasty situation where some guy follows you down a dark road to ask for 'services' and won't take no for an answer. It's horrible, but some men might try something with someone they perceive to be a prostitute, that they wouldn't for a business woman.

Surely just an "I was careful with my money when I was younger and managed to make a couple of well timed property investments. The income from these along with my freelance work allow me to live the lifestyle I choose"

They don't need detail and that should be sufficient to make them stop speculating.

I imagine you have some inherited /windfall/previously saved money and you don't want people to know that.

That is fine but most people who are friends know a bit about the other person including their job etc. If you were my friend I would find it odd that I had no idea where you got your money and might muse (in private) about where it came from. I would wonder why it was such a secret. So I think ya (a bit) u to not give any info about where your money comes from to your close friends/family

. Other than that ynbu to expect people to spread unfounded rumours

I'm probably reiterating what everyone else has said on here, but making a big deal of being so secretive about where your income comes from is bound to spark speculation. It is human nature for people to become more curious about things when the answer is deliberately withheld. Surely you must realise that?

I know plenty of people who have income from rented properties/ex husbands/inheritance. It is nothing to be ashamed of. My friends and I don't discuss money or income per se, but one of them might say that she was decorating one of her flats at the weekend or another might say that she has been promoted. All these relate to income without actually discussing money itself.

If you're really so upset by people thinking you're a prostitute or a drug dealer (because obviously they really, really do think that, they're not just having a laugh or a joke because it's infuriating not to know), wouldn't it be easier to just let a few of them know you've got a couple of property investments that give you a good income? And the rumour mill can cease.

That's what I'd do OP if I really was as upset as you say you are about it.

As for the person who approached you, I can see why that would be annoying, as it means they've believed the rumours about you. If you want to dispel these rumours but keep the friends, I'd be tempted to say that x approached me and offered me £x for make up something juicy a sexual act, and that you sent him away with a flea in his ear. 'Why would he even think such a thing?' That would get the message across I guess? I think dressing up in stockings to get the milk in is a better plan it would let them know you aren't selling sex, and it sounds like that's the part that's annoying/hurting you here.

You need a sentence like "I receive income from elsewhere that I don't really want to talk about" and leave it at that

I think if someone said that to me I'd burst out laughing!

Why can't you just say you rent a house out abroad?

From your posts I think it's YOU that's making this info a big deal OP rather than your friends.

This is why i have a well thought out 'if i win the lottery' plan. It involves buying a normal house, that nobody would know was mortgage free, and a modest new car. Starting a small business from home. Dealing with 'clients' at lunch 'meetings' and email. Then any extravagant purchases can be down to getting a good deal, or the business developing... Theres more to the plan but if i told you id have to kill you

I think it's rude and weird that they are so insistent on knowing where your money comes from.

I've never thought of asking my friends, even my best friends, how their life styles are funded and to what tune.

It's quite vulgar and I wouldn't be keen on hanging round with people that were so obsessed with it. DH used to have a friend that delighted in telling everyone how rich he was, it was actually embarrassing.

OP, there really is nothing interesting or unusual about where your money comes from. I'm afraid you just seem weirdly obsessed about being secretive. The way you are responding on here, you remind me of someone I know who always likes to be a bit secretive about the most ordinary of things - for attention - and then gets a bit huffy when people start asking questions.
I'm in a similar position to you with finances and nobody has ever questioned it - perhaps because I don't go on about 'only working 3 days a month' etc

It's no one else's business, I'd just say "I don't need to work" and leave them wondering... I'd just assume an inheritance or lottery, so god knows how they've gotten to prostitute!

YANBU OP and I don't know why you're getting such a hard time here (apart from the obvious - some posters are as nosy and jealous as the bitter harpies you've unfortunately stumbled across.)

Simply the mere act of them asking you 'where your money comes from' is not only rude, but is pretty much openly stating "Clearly you cannot earn this much from your job". That piss me off for a few reasons, like don't they KNOW how much web devs can earn? You could easily live off 3 days a week freelancing at the top of your game. It also shows that they are speculating about you behind your back.

I too would genuinely take pleasure in withholding the information, but also as you say - talking about money is vulgar. The moment you shrug and say "rental income from abroad" they'll demand to know how you bought the property (and can they stay in it for free), the moment you say "maintenance" they'll call you a whore, the moment you say "careful savings" they'll say you're boring, you never lived and, oh, they'll add on you're lying. You literally cannot win. The question is a trap and the only answer they want is the one that will continue to fuel their spite.

Don't give them the satisfaction. They're using you for entertainment to add spice to their clearly quite dull existences.

They sound jealous and awful - clearly ignorant to make you the butt of their jokes - steer well clear!

Its a standard meeting new person question "so, what do you do?", it's totally normal to be curious about and want to know.
They were all probably expecting a mundane answer and move on, but you have almost gone out of your way to be mysterious about something thats actually pretty boring, which makes it sound like youre not telling people because you actually live off money from something shameful or illegal that you CANT talk about.

If you'd just said "oh lots of bits and bobs really, lots of small things that combine into enough to live on!" people would have just moved on with their lives.

If you dont give some kind of an answer then youre inviting people to make up an answer for themselves, and its rarely one you would have chosen.

presenting the latest MN list of bad people, from a poster above:

'drug dealer or something illegal, debt collector, MI6 torture specialist, tester on animals, nuclear scientist, etc etc '

gridwatch right now shows 19% from nuclear and a roaring 3% from wind. 15% from solar (this is good) and 3% from biomass, which isn't good. 45% from gas, which also isn't good.

If you want your whizzybrick and your dozens of gadgets to stay charged, and your kids not to fry on a too-hot planet, you might need to rethink your position about nuclear energy.