My MIL and I get on well and whilst she has some ways that I find strange and sometimes annoying I've never (and would never) vocalise this to her as would hate to offend her. I can talk to her about most things and we go generally have a relatively close relationship.
Bit of background, MIL and FIL look after my DS twice a week in our home when I'm at work part time which I'm extremely grateful for and DS loves the pair of them dearly. MIL takes it upon herself to help out, doing ironing, changing bins, often rearranging our furniture so that it is 'less cluttered', or replacing random items in our home for things she feels are better. Whilst I am appreciative of the sentiment I often feel that some of this 'help' is not her place to do. And she should respect us and our choices about our home a little more, regardless of her own opinion.
So a few days ago I came home from work really ill, I'd gotten that Norovirus and was vomiting and the other thing. They were at home with DS and kindly told me to go and have a lie down upstairs and they would stay until they normally would a few hours later when DP got in from work, so I gratefully did this. The day after was my day off anyway, but MIL again kindly offered to help out if I wasn't feeling good, and said she was picking her other DGD (DPs niece) up from school (which is in our town, she lives around 45 mins away) so she would be around anyway. The next morning after she text me to ask if I needed her to take DS out for an hour or so before she picked other DGD up from school I accepted, on the premise that she wouldn't be making a special trip. She turned up and immediately said she had cancelled picking up other grandson from school incase she passed anything onto him, and brought with her anti bacterial surface and floor wipes, bleach, and hand sanitiser. I thanked her for this and was grateful for her help. She then said she had brought some of her own bedding and towels from her own cupboard to replace ours with, and that she was going to take our current ones back home with her to wash. Again I thanked her but told her we did have other bedding so was no need for us to use hers, and that washing it ourselves was no problem, but she insisted and took all of the towels from our bathroom and started stripping my bed. As I knew she was trying to help I just allowed her to do it. She then started saying our bedding needed throwing out and we needed new ones, and commenting on the fact that 'you don't change your bedding very often- I do mine twice a week, so I don't mind helping'. I was mortified. I felt so embarrassed that she was passing judgement on our bedding, and find it odd that she even goes into our bedroom enough to notice how often we change it. It was obvious I felt offended and she said "hope I'm not interfering" to which I bit my tongue and told her she was not. But the more I think about it the more I think this is the equivalent of me going to a family members or friends house, and cleaning saying "you don't clean enough and I don't mind doing it", I feel it's insulting despite her intention to 'help'. She is a very fussy woman who has a tendency to go over the top, she always says things like "I just have to help people" but I feel sometimes it's not a help at all it's a bit backhanded. Or am I being over sensitive and whingey?!