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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not a picture you would post on Facebook

231 replies

Nowaynowjose · 06/07/2017 06:24

SIL posts regularly about various problems, usually the half info type post which has lots of ppl sympathising and asking after more detail. Her young child recently had an issue which required hospitalisation, and was put on a ventilator for a day, fluid drained etc. Luckily, treatment has been positive and the worst is over. She will need to stay in for a few more days for observation.
The first we knew about it was from a post on FB, on entry to the hospital, although it wasn't clear which child was involved, or what the problem was. Subsequent updates have included photos of child with various tubes etc, which has been distressing for some family members to see (for various reasons). I understand FB is a fast way to update everyone at once, but AIBU to think posting the pics is a bit unnecessary? The poor child is ill, surely they deserve a bit more privacy than having these pics plastered on social media?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nowaynowjose · 06/07/2017 07:23

sirzy I think it's a situation rather than an age thing. I would personally think that a premmie who had spent their life so far with tubes etc so the first pics are therefore of tubes attached is different to a child who has had intervention for a few days and is likely to be off medical support within the next day or so. That's my opinion, I don't expect everyone to have the same, and it seems that people are a lot more comfortable posting about (what I would see as) private and personal details for the world to see than I am. Each to their own.
alittle I was asking if many others felt the need to post this type of pic in an update on social media. No need to try and prove I'm a heartless bitch with double standards and flawed logic!

OP posts:
Primamadonna · 06/07/2017 07:25

Yes Lonely Flowers - I don't think people are talking about situations like yours - more the random attention seekers using pics of their kids unfairly and providing no information.

BroomstickOfLove · 06/07/2017 07:29

When my friends' children have been seriously ill, I was very grateful that they shared pictures and updates of life in hospital, including pictures with tubes, scars, dressings, etc. They kept me in the loop about what was happening, how their children were doing and so on, even when they were too ill or too far away for visitors.

Sirzy · 06/07/2017 07:30

It's hardly "each to their own" in your view though if you make judgemental posts about people doing what they "need" to cope in a horrendous situation though is it? If you truly believed that you would have seen it, thought "I wouldn't do that" and then carry on with life.

munchkinmaster · 06/07/2017 07:31

Thing about a premature baby is that's it's now fairly standard to post your newborn pics. If your baby is stuck in hospital for weeks I think you should feel free to post the pics, not hide away. Your baby is born, announce it and the modern day way for many folk is facebook.

That's not the same as the op was talking about

Original poster
Nowaynowjose · 06/07/2017 07:31

Ah, sorry lonely I didn't realise you had a child in hospital Flowers. Pretty sure I'm not talking about you, and also pretty sure your circumstances are different!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 06/07/2017 07:33

But with a seriously ill older child you should hide away? Is fairly standard to post picture of children of all age surely?

Why is one acceptable and not the other?

JoandMax · 06/07/2017 07:33

The photos don't bother me so much, more the vague statuses requiring 8000 people to ask what's wrong and no reply but then more statuses emerge! Attention seeking and to even think of that when your child is ill baffles me......

DS2 spent a lot of time in hospital and had an NG then gastrostomy tube so we do have a lot of photos of him there as it was part of our daily lives. I've only had one 'friend' comment on why did I have pictures up with him with an NG tube in - I'm not sure what she expected but seeing as he had it 24/7 from birth until 1 year old it was kind of unavoidable!!

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 06/07/2017 07:33

How are the photos different to Charlie Gards parents? Or any other MSM pictures right after a bombing/ecstasy tablet/car crash/beating?

They are done (a) for effect (b) to highlight issues

If you object to your SILS posting style then tick the unfollow box and these posts won't come up in your news feed.

Sirzy · 06/07/2017 07:33

But with a seriously ill older child you should hide away? Is fairly standard to post picture of children of all age surely?

Why is one acceptable and not the other?

Whatawaytomakealiving · 06/07/2017 07:34

But if we all accept each to their own and don't share any judgements we make then there wouldn't be any point in many MN forums. Surely the OP is promoting healthy debate, isn't that what forums are about?

Yoshi1701 · 06/07/2017 07:39

I can't stand it! I honestly don't believe it's to 'keep family informed' at all, it's a desperate grab for attention. You can update family via text, phone call or even a status without a picture. But no, pictures are more likely to get a reaction and more attention which some people desperately crave and thrive on!

Focus on your poorly child not uploading pictures for sympathy and likes! Angry

Original poster
Nowaynowjose · 06/07/2017 07:40

They are done (a) for effect (b) to highlight issues
So why are you saying sil posted them exactly?
I'm not objecting so much to the posting style, as to ask why ppl would share such moments with such a wide audience. Is it not enough to say 'child is doing much better, thx for well wishes' without the graphic pix attached?
sirzy I've already said it's not an age issue.

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsDV · 06/07/2017 07:51

There is a thread like this every couple of months.

I understand those who say they don't like this sort of photograph
But as has already been pointed out, this type of photograph is normal life to many families.

Its all very well saying 'we don't mean you, we mean the attention seekers' but the truth is no-one can really know the motivation of the person posting, its just guesswork.

I work with sick kids. If their parents didn't post this type of photo they wouldn't post any photos at all.

This type of thread upsets parents already dealing with more than you could imagine so maybe think about that before making some of the more general assumptions that always appear on these threads?

Sirzy · 06/07/2017 07:52

Also if you can't seek attention when you have a critically ill child then when can you?

Peaches44 · 06/07/2017 07:56

I do partially agree with you. DD has been in and out of hospital since birth pretty much and was also a prem so a lot of her photos are in incubators/hospital beds. I did take some photos of her recovering from surgery sleeping and bandaged/tubed etc. but mainly so I could record her personal journey. I shared photos of her in hospital but none of those ones. I think its a bit attention seeking when people post back of ambulance photos or their child looking sick on the sofa etc.

Lonelymummyof1 · 06/07/2017 08:00

I also agree that there is really no need of taken photos in back of ambulances / when paramedics are working on them etc.

user1495484765 · 06/07/2017 08:03

So glad I don't do Facebook.

zzzzz · 06/07/2017 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaddyPigsLoveSlave · 06/07/2017 08:07

I'm with peaches. My DD was prem and had an NG tube for the first few months. I saw no problem with putting pics of her up on FB. She was a gorgeous little baby!

But there's no way I'd have posted pictures taken in the ICU, when she was on a ventilator with chest drains and tubes everywhere. It would have felt like a real invasion of privacy, as well as being upsetting for people to see. I have those
photos for myself, and for her to see when she's older, if she's interested.

And I find vaguebooking from paeds A&E really distasteful.

AtHomeDadGlos · 06/07/2017 08:08

Is he Charlie Gard?

Sirzy · 06/07/2017 08:09

Sometimes a picture can paint a thousand words too. After ds had an op last year and had had a long line fitted I posted a picture of him smiling in bed holding his arm up proudly - so people could see yes it was tough and hard but he was doing ok.

It's a quick and easy way to let everyone know because thankfully my social media seems to be limited to people who do care!

Original poster
Nowaynowjose · 06/07/2017 08:09

Sorry for anyone in a difficult situation which may relate in some way to the question I asked. Obviously some ppl are determined to read more into my question than I intended. sirzy I'm not sure if you are affected by something similar, you seem to want to argue about generalities rather than this specific incident. Sorry if you find my opinion difficult to accept. I do see a difference between a one off incident as opposed to long term situations. I apologise to anyone who has been upset by the inference that all situations are identical. At no point did I say I believed ppl to be self serving or attention seeking by posting, I am merely of the opinion that some things are better kept private in some situations. So I won't be arguing with you about any other situation, or what you tell me I believe (how would you know?).

OP posts:
silkpyjamasallday · 06/07/2017 08:13

I think it is totally unnecessary to post these sorts of photos, it is nothing but attention seeking and it is horrible for the child that their parent would chose to take the time to take a picture, upload it and respond to 'omg hun what's up?!?' posts to get likes and attention rather than giving the child their full attention.

I once had someone I'd bought something from on eBay send me a picture of their grandmas hands with tubes in because they hadn't posted the item after a few weeks. I had no idea how to respond to it, very strange. I wasn't angry or confrontational in my message to them and took their word for it that they had an ill relative hence the delay, I didn't need a photo!

HotelEuphoria · 06/07/2017 08:17

This is gross, another reason to add to the never ending list of why I closed my FB account six years ago.

Whenever I am tempted to reopen it, I read things like this.