To think this is not a picture you would post on Facebook

[Nowaynowjose]

SIL posts regularly about various problems, usually the half info type post which has lots of ppl sympathising and asking after more detail. Her young child recently had an issue which required hospitalisation, and was put on a ventilator for a day, fluid drained etc. Luckily, treatment has been positive and the worst is over. She will need to stay in for a few more days for observation.
The first we knew about it was from a post on FB, on entry to the hospital, although it wasn't clear which child was involved, or what the problem was. Subsequent updates have included photos of child with various tubes etc, which has been distressing for some family members to see (for various reasons). I understand FB is a fast way to update everyone at once, but AIBU to think posting the pics is a bit unnecessary? The poor child is ill, surely they deserve a bit more privacy than having these pics plastered on social media?

[Gingersnapshard]

I have a friend who Facebook profile picture ATM is a picture of herself crying hysterically on her Mom's funeral. I simply cannot wrap my head around it. And she isn't exactly a pretty crier.

[mumoseven]

This

[MumsOnCrack]

Someone I know posted a picture of her friend's afterbirth - and tagged her in it. Nothing would surprise me after that.

[nakedscientist]

Are you in the UK Vanilla? I would be amazed if a public hospital could legally prevent a parent taking a photograph of their own child or bar a parent from seeing that child for taking a photo. How would they police it? Do they have security guards in there?

I spent a month in ITU a few years back with DH and in the Homerton, London you are not allowed to take photos (I too read all the posters). They 'policed' this because when you are in ITU there is nurse standing at the foot of the bed 24/7. They said it was for patients privacy.

[Owl1011]

Whatever camp you sit in with this debate - social media is a complete construct, edited to perfection. Unless you have a 24/7 live stream on your timeline no one will truly know the real detail of your life. People post selectively, carefully choosing what they want the world to see. This doesn't make it wrong because it's how people want the world to view them and their lives and we live in an age that allows them to do this. Call it "updating friends and family" or call it "attention seeking", that is simply a matter of opinion.

I also know my timeline well enough by now, to know who posts 'just because they want the world to see' and who posts because they 'genuinely want to update family and friends'. I don't get offended by it either way, just keep on scrolling through my timeline.

I will say though - just because this is an anonymous forum it doesn't give people the right to be rude and forget their manners, whatever camp you sit in on this debate.

mic drop

[Shadow666]

I have a couple of friends who like to vaguebook too. I just ignore them but I can imagine that vaguebooking about sick children is very upsetting for those reading it. I understand that perhaps the parents are too upset to post properly but it's frustrating to read.

So,

"Just to let you all know that Tom had a bad asthma attack today so we took him to hospital. He's doing ok, will update when we know more." Is absolutely fine.

"It's Tom..... checks into hospital"

"He's not breathing :("

"Really scared"

"Don't know what to do :("

" Please pray for him. It looks bad :("

Followed by no further update so you're left wondering what actually happened.

Is really fucking horrible to read because you don't have a clue what is going on and it sounds far worse than it is.

It's these kinds of posts that people feel are attention seeking and annoying. Then 3 days later you see a photo of Tom on Facebook at a party and he looks absolutely fine.

[fussychildeater]

I've done it with DD posted a pic once because after a god awful 24 hours of worry and distress i was beyond relieved that my child was alive and stable and i normally share pictures of good moments on fb and that was the best moment of a bad situation.

[Ruth2009]

Someone on my Facebook has posted a photo of a dirty nappy asking if this "is normal?"....
It was horrendous..... Why feel the need to do this?

[Onhold]

Your post is gross, And who are 'they' people who ill children?

[Lovelymess]

They do it for attention. Like the people who have to "check in" to hospital on Facebook. Gross

[KoalaDownUnder]

No, Laurie, we understand social media perfectly well. We just have a different opinion to you. One that's shared by plenty of professionals (like my own psychologist).

It has nothing to do with not being able to 'compute'.

How very presumptuous and weird.

[LaurieMarlow]

No ones suggesting you should document on social media if you don't want to. But to call parents who do 'attention seeking' is to misunderstand both them and the medium.

[TheMysteriousJackelope]

Wow Laurie what a patronizing post.

I understand social media and so does my DD. She understands enough to know that she doesn't want photos of her post surgery slapped on the internet to pop up unexpectedly in the future, and I know enough to respect her right to privacy. I know enough to know that my ex-boss's widow, a few colleagues from 30 years ago, and that lady I met at the Thai restaurant that time don't need to see photos of her attached to IVs, monitors, and a catheter no matter how much support I may want.

I suggest you read Blind Faith by Ben Elton.

[LaurieMarlow]

Look, I don't think there's any point arguing with people over this.

There's a certain type of person who doesn't understand social media, who doesn't get that it facilitates an entirely new way of communicating, that hasn't realised the comfort and solidarity people get from it and particularly doesn't understand how young people use it and get validation from it.

They're determined to judge because they can't compute.

However it's not going away, so I suggest they come to terms with it, even if they never fully get it.

[mumto2two]

I also think this is strange. Our child has been hospitalised about 30 times now, and sometimes we are so immersed in our own concern, that even our close family don't even realise where we are.
So yes it does sound a little like attention seeking to me. When your child is seriously ill, why on earth would you be thinking of Facebook?! I'm sure if we asked our child would they want their lowest points broadcast on social media, the answer would be a resounding no!

[TheFirstMrsDV]

Can you imagine if you start unfollowing family member because you find their photos distressing?

If you were the sort of person to be so nasty minded about the motivations of your nearest and dearest cos strikeouts don't make something less nasty why would the idea of unfriending them on FB be so unimaginable?

[PurplePeppers]

And obvioulsy, there is also the issue of whether the photos are private, how many people are 'friends' with the Im etc etc
In effect, someone posting a photos of their child who is ill to 10 family members whilst having a very private profile is very different than someone who is posting the same photo for 300 people to see with a public profile....

[PurplePeppers]

As usual, you have very different needs form diffent people.
The needs of the child and their right to privacy
The needs of the parent who is posting and would like some support or full on attention with plenty of 'likes'
The needs of the family/friends who will see the photos and might be very distressedlooking at it.

I'm still not sure why on earth the needs of one person (eg the parent) should trump the need of the other (the reader or the child).

I also don't think it's as easy as saying 'just unfollow them'. Can you imagine if you start unfollowing family member because you find their photos distressing?

[Picoloangel]

I don't understand the need to post pictures of DC in hospital. To me it seems like a twisted form of attention seeking. Text your family, don't post pictures of ill children and I am speaking as someone who has had a number of blue light situations with DD.

[TheMysteriousJackelope]

With older children it depends on what the child wants. DD has had some fairly serious surgeries and been in the PICU for two days. She would hate for me to photograph her and stick the pictures on Facebook. So I don't.

She Facetimed DSIL and DSIL cried and cried afterwards because she was so upset by how DD looked. That can be another consequence, making friends and relatives very upset when there is absolutely nothing they can do about the situation due to being so far away. DD is recovering nicely now and the surgery appears to have gone well.

[SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning]

Trixie I didn't imply that you did and sorry if you took it that way. For clarity, I know you didn't. Other people certainly did make disgusting comments and I won't let that slide. You did not. I do, respectfully, disagree with your view point though. You said "It is a shame that by expressing a view on something and giving reasonable arguments and experiences that you get accused of sneering, bitching or slagging people off." when many of us were directly replying to the comments that did call parents of critically ill children "attention seeking".

[flowergrrl77]

I hope the child is recovering. I hope the family have support.
I don't really care what anyone thinks of anyone either.

[Perfectly1mperfect]

I haven't read the whole thread, I hope the child is recovering well.💐

I do know someone who has a close relative, not a child, who is in and out of hospital. They post photos of the ambulance outside their house, the signs on the hospital corridors etc.

I really don't get it. I think it's attention seeking tbh, waiting for comments from people. Some 'friends' then 'like' the photos. It's madness. Like I say, I really don't get it!