To think this is not a picture you would post on Facebook

[Nowaynowjose]

SIL posts regularly about various problems, usually the half info type post which has lots of ppl sympathising and asking after more detail. Her young child recently had an issue which required hospitalisation, and was put on a ventilator for a day, fluid drained etc. Luckily, treatment has been positive and the worst is over. She will need to stay in for a few more days for observation.
The first we knew about it was from a post on FB, on entry to the hospital, although it wasn't clear which child was involved, or what the problem was. Subsequent updates have included photos of child with various tubes etc, which has been distressing for some family members to see (for various reasons). I understand FB is a fast way to update everyone at once, but AIBU to think posting the pics is a bit unnecessary? The poor child is ill, surely they deserve a bit more privacy than having these pics plastered on social media?

[Primamadonna]

The problem is that when you do an aibu about sick children pics on FB, people get offended because either they are guilty of doing it themselves (embarrassed and self righteously indignant) or they have posted a pic but for a completely valid reason within their own life unselfconsciously.

The issue lies with the vaguebooking, random pics, dramatic selfies and a complete absence of boundaries or respect of the child and using the hospital setting as merely a backdrop for their egotism. I am lucky to only know one person who does this & perhaps some people don't, hence the confusion. In RL she's a drama llama and with dubious values and I perhaps shouldn't be friends with. Therefore I don't agree it is just 'guesswork' regarding attention seeking sick kid pics. Its FB, so they are your friends, you know their personality and it usually isn't confined to contrived FB posts.

I do agree aibu posts like this appear regularly but it's a debate, a forum and opinion will be divided as an individual matter of taste/boundaries. I don't think op was referring to genuine posters.

[Liiinoo]

IMO YABU. People cope with things in different ways. For whatever reason your SIL felt the need to post this picture and that is as valid a choice as posting a picture of a birthday party or any happy occasion.

[lljkk]

Neah, I'm in YABU camp.
My dad's reply to this kind of thing is... "Can't you just not go on Facebook? Why is that so difficult?
It's very easy to unfollow people, too.

tbh, if my way of dealing with a stressful situation was to post lots of pictures, if you then said I was doing wrong -- I would be furious with you. I would see the person who said that as enormously unsupportive & probably someone I now wanted to distance myself from. My brain would be screaming "COWBAG" at those people. And "Now I find out who my friends really are."

[zoemaguire]

There's some really, really nasty stuff on this thread about attention-seeking parents. You do know it's really fucking awful to have a child seriously ill in hospital, yes? So whatever gets people through it - like, maybe, support from friends - is FINE. Fuck it if it's attention-seeking - you know what, I need all the attention and supporlt I can get with a child in hospital, because I'm in a dark, dark place. As I've said before on this kind of thread, FB is incredible in a crisis because you can update loads of people instantly and get a lot of support back. If you hate somebody on your friends list enough that you are judging them badly for what they do for support when they have a seriously ill child, then can I suggest maybe you take them off your list?! And have some words with yourself about being an unpleasant, judgemental person while you're at it, and hope you never have to walk in their shoes.

[zoemaguire]

Actually, llkkk you're quite right, 'cowbag' gets the point across more succinctly than 'unpleasant judgemental person' :)

[KERALA1]

None of it's acceptable obviously. Posting pictures of your children isn't right - posting your ill children is very wrong whatever the circumstances.

Read the circle by Dave Eggars.

[NotAnotherUserName5]

My son was in hospital at the beginning of the year. In the bed next to us was a little girl and her parents kept taking photo she of the poor kid ill in bed for Facebook

Some things people put everything on Facebook. Must be desperate for attention.

Yanbu

[HipsterHunter]

Well I generally like my friends and their children so if one has been hurt or is ill I want to know so I can express concern/sympathy and offer some help to my friend.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Calm down, zoe.

The OP isn't about a 'seriously ill' child, it's about a child who was briefly in hospital one one occasion, and the mum was vague-booking all over the place.

[CazM2012]

I've posted on these threads before and I'll say it again, 24 hours a day in hospital for several days is awful, especially when your child is not really responding because they are poorly, I posted about my little girl on Facebook because I didn't want to have the same conversation 20 times a day, I then posted pictures as explaining to people that it was more than a cough and cold was getting frustrating. To see a picture of her hooked up to everything and how ill she was stopped the constant need for people to want to see her or talk to me. Then to post a picture a week later of her looking better and with less wires was a wonderful comparison. She also learnt to walk in hospital with wires etc so I even posted a video!

[Shadow666]

There's a huge difference between posting a photo of a child who is stable, for example a picture of a child smiling with a bandage on their thumb, to say they are fine now and doing well and posting a photo of a hysterically crying child covered in blood with doctors swarming over them.

[KERALA1]

What about the child's privacy? They have not consented. I would be horrified if there were pictures of me in bed in hospital on the internet so why would I put pictures up of my children in that position?

[Sirzy]

The child was on a ventilator under what definition is that not seriously ill?

[dangermouseisace]

YANBU

These kids are going to be older/adults one day. Those pictures are now 'out there'. Did they have the capacity to consent to pics of them on a ventilator etc being posted on the internet?

I think updating ppl via Facebook is fine, but I don't think it's ok to put pics of very acutely ill/distressed kids on the internet without extremely good reasoning. If it's your child's way of life that's fine, premature baby again that's their life at that time, but if it's 'them briefly at their very worst' then no. I wouldn't want pics of me at my worst on the internet and if my parents had done that at the time that I was acutely ill I would have disowned them!

[Yoshi1701]

Meh, justify it anyway you want it's incredibly distasteful.

In reality of those 100 likes and comments you get, I'd say a small percentage actually give a shit about your child.

It's easy for anyone to like a picture and post a little comment to look caring when actually, they don't. The real people that care are the ones who are there next to you, the ones calling you, bringing you food, offering to help not the 100 fakes on Facebook.

I know Ffion Jones from school who I haven't spoken to in 10 years doesn't really care so why would I waste my time putting pictures up for her benefit? Or to try and prove I'm telling the truth etc.

[Changebagsandgladrags]

When my brother took an overdose and was in intensive care, I wanted to take a picture to show him when/if he recovered. I agonised about it being a real invasion of privacy and in the end didn't do it.

There seemed to be no hospital policy on it though.

[Lonelymummyof1]

Can i ask what is "gross" like someone commented ?

The lines ? Tubes ? Scars ?
If its gross for short term sickness surely it still gross for long termers ?
You know those who will need to wear these when they go to school or out in public.

[Lonelymummyof1]

Also to the comment about both short term and long term being wrong.

Are we not meant to be allowed to take photos of our kids first steps ?
First crawl etc because they have tubed and happen to unfortuntly learn all these things in a hospital setting ?

[Lonelymummyof1]

People taking pics of their kids who have happened to fall sick short term in the back of an ambulance, being treated by doctoes etc I would not do.

However I will not hide my child from existence because her "back drop " happens to be a hospital which is our home.

[SomewhatIdiosyncratic]

I'd say it comes down to the tone with which it is posted. Being informative about the condition of the child for the benefit of close people is different to a vaguebooking style to get "OMG what happened" "I'll PM you hun" reactions.

[zoemaguire]

koala Calm down, zoe. The OP isn't about a 'seriously ill' child

The kid was on a ventilator!!! If that doesn't meet your definition of seriously ill then I can't imagine what does.

[zoemaguire]

Yoshi I think that post says more about you than you might like. Somebody you know posts a picture of their child on a ventilator and you seriously don't give a shit because you haven't seen them in a while?!!!! Wow.

[Eggandchipsfortea93]

Also if you can't seek attention when you have a critically ill child then when can you?
Well, using your DCs to seek attention for yourself, if that is your motivation for an action, is never really OK in my view.
It sounds as though you're saying 'seeking attention' is a normal, natural part of adult behaviour, and I don't think that's actually the case - it's behaviour small children use, but then grow out of. As functioning adults, we talk to, or email, supportive friends, rather than trying to elicit responses from anyone we can, with surprising or shocking pics or actions.

[RhubardGin]

Totally agree.

If my child were in hospital, updating FB would be the last thing on my mind. It's purely attention seeking.

I hate it when people tag themselves on FB as being in hospital with no explanation. They just want to be inundated with "you ok Hun? PM me" it's so annoying.

Putting pictures of your sick child on FB is something I'll never understand.

[Yoshi1701]

Zoe - If I see a picture like that on Facebook, I do think it's a shame but do I really care. really? Not really. It's not going to effect me or my family's life, I'm not going to offer to help in anyway. Facebook is full of fake attitudes and a make believe community that doesn't really exist. Do I wish any harm or anything? Of course not. But I don't really care.