To think dh is pathetic for throwing away ds present from grandad

[Lionking1981]

My family and dh support rival football clubs. The family team is our local one and the mascot has been into ds school, all his friends support the team and he has recently been saying that he supports them too which my dad found really funny. For his Bday this week, my dad cheekily gave him the strip and toy of the mascot. Today, he asked where they were - we couldn't find them anywhere. Dh has thrown them away. I get that he wants him and ds to bond over football and take him to games but I just find this a waste of money and horribly pathetic. Aibu?

Tbf, your dad did wrong too. He shouldn't have got the kit and mascot. It's a big deal to a lot of people. I went through similar with my nephew. BIL supports rival team, most locals and all of the family support other team. My nephew ended up supporting the local team by himself and although I always wanted to, I never got him any gifts to do with football, not til his dad had seen himself that DN wanted to support this team and came to that decision alone. His dad is upset, but at least nobody encouraged DN.
I think your dad knows that too.

Your DH was also wrong for throwing away your son's gifts though. You don't just throw away other people's belongings.
Anyway, he can still bond with his son over football. Some people have a second favourite team anyway, so could be that he ends up liking both. And there are tons of other matches to watch anyway, don't only need to watch their team play.

And while you laughing would have been a great response to have that does not make the grandad's actions any more correct. He knew it would wind him up as that's what the OP said in the original post.

I belive all religions should be something adults chose for themselves.

Or don't chose a religion at all?

Football isnt anything. Sorry but its not. Its a collection of usually hugely overpaid individuals kicking a ball around a field for 90 odd minutes. Its only out of control because of greed and people behaving like supporting a team is a kin to holding a particular religious faith that cannot be deviated from. Its laughable.

Your DH would probably be cross if his own kit was binned by his DS

So the child should have just as much right to keep his kit.

And how does the child feel about this? If my husband threw away one of my kids birthday presents we would never hear the end of it.

I think DH should learn to value his child's differing interests and opinions instead of suppressing them. What he did was extremely childish.

OP I like that your football memories are mainly pie-based. I feel we could be friends.

But yeah, Gramps is at it.

YABU I would have discreetly thrown it away myself, it's the rival team to his dad's and that's a bit wankerish.

Some fathers and their sons/daughters bond over football, I think you might be looking at your dad''s mischief through slightly rose tinted spectacles tbh.

It's irrelevant why granddad got the kit, DH should speak to granddad and call him a dick if necessary.
You child liked the toy and kit and had every right to keep HIS present without your DH destroying it. I'd just go out and replace it using DH money. How dare DH think he can throw your child property away without his consent.

Isn't it a bit pathetic that DH and Grandad are doing this whilst there's a kid in the mix who is just thinking about whom he may support? Football is to be enjoyed, not treated like politics.

It's really mean and I think DH and Grandad need to talk it over about how it is for your DS. It's really not fair even if it was bought cheekily

DH and DD support the team from where DH was born. I support the team where I was born and DC were born and we all currently live.
My family in wanting to encourage DC interest in football will always talk about both teams, despite being ardent fans of my team! They want my children to be proud of whoever they support, to have a love for the game...yes, there is joking on both parts amongst adults, but not where DC are concerned.
If your DF and DH have a joke, fair enough...but buying a child a kit or throwing it out? That is childish! Get him tickets to a neutral match or stay away from his presents!

It is difficult to say who is being unreasonable...get your DS to support Burnley and ignore both other teams!

My Uncle bought my brother a Man United strip when my brother was about 5 and my Dad was fuming about it.

It's not on. It's the football fan's version of a MIL getting a grandchild's hair cut without permission!

People who love football envisage the life they are going to have with their kids supporting their team before they are even born

OMG. The kid might not even like bloody football.

People who treat football like a religion are pathetic.

Hehe. I wonder how this thread would have gone if a MIL had given her granddaughter a pink dress against the wishes of the child's mother. There would be 100% agreement that the bread could be binned and a that the MIL should never be seen or spoken to again.

. ( not sure if I'm joking )

I wonder how this thread would have gone if a MIL had given her granddaughter a pink dress against the wishes of the child's mother.

Well, pink dresses are massively harmful to girls living under patriarchy while pink is a symbol of the feminine gender role. It is a symbol of oppression.

I'd still let the girl keep it.

Just not allow her to wear it in public.

Your husband is an arse.

Your poor DS. His dad chucked his birthday present! That's awful! I don't think DGF did anything wrong. He bought him a kit for the team he supports. That's a really nice thing to do.

I don't know how I'd get past this, OP. What do you plan to do? I'd be lived if DH threw away a gift my DP had bought for my DC. What a nasty thing to do. It's not as though the strip is an unknown entity in your household, is it? Chances are DS would have ended up supporting your and your DF's team or your DH's. Why the hell does your DH think his choice of team trumps yours and your family's? Total dick move on his part and says rather a lot about where he thinks you (and by extension your family) come in the pecking order. I'd be demanding a replacement on DS's behalf or showing him the door. You just don't bin your child's gifts, particularly not those from a loving DGF. Thoroughly reprehensible.

*livid

I would be fuming with the DH and insist that he replaced the kit he threw out.

DH and I are from families who support opposing teams. We are adults though, and it is a total non-issue. Piss-taking (jokey type) and banter is as far as it goes.

My DH supports Man U, as does most of his family. DD has decided she loves Chelsea, a team my DH hates. Because she likes them, and as a bit of a tease to DH my Db got her a Chelsea shirt for Christmas.

Do you know what my DH did? Laughed. It made him happy that she had something she loves because he respects that she's her own person with a right to choose. He understands his own feelings don't matter in the situation.

What kind of person would throw a child's present away?

Is your DH 12?

Deffoncforthis you would throw away a kit that belongs to your child that he was a fan off.
So all you "football families" your child is never allowed anything from a rival team?

Ds has chosen which team to support already ffs.

Awful bullying nasty shit parenting. Putting your own silly shit above a child's upset.

. shit parenting. Putting your own silly shit above a child's upset.

Totally agree. I don't give a toss how 'passionate' he is about football (or cricket, or basket-weaving). He needs to be the bloody ADULT.

So, for example, your DH supports Man City, but your dad and family support Man United, and your DS is also beginning to support United. Your dad buys DS a Man United strip and mascot - just to wind your DH up? In which case, I think that's a bit childish. Or he buys the stuff because DS genuinely loves the red devils? That's a bit different.

How old is your DS? If he's around 6yo and just loves the colour of the team's strip, then his allegiance is still up for grabs, and I can see why DH and your dad think so too. OTOH, if he's around 14yo, then his choice is already made.

Either way, your DH definitely should not have thrown away things that were given to DS as a present. That's really, IMO, beyond childish.

No idea why people are blamimg Grandad here. He bought his grandson a strip of his favourite team. His father wasn't going to buy it. If the DS saved and bought it himself, would some posters say that he did it on purpose to wind his father up?
All his friends support this team and the DS would have loved the kit to bond with his friends. DH is most definitely in the wrong here and I can't see how some think this behaviour can be justified.

Ilovelamp82 What if your boys do not want to support the team you do - would you still expect them to attend games with you supporting your chosen team for the next 50 years? Whilst it might create nice memories for one party, it could create memories of resentment for the other.

Your DH is a bullying arsehole, who is showing a frightening need to control his children. He needs to go back out and replace that gift immediately. This is exactly the kind of thing that stays with a child and affects them deeply...a parent throwing away a much wanted gift because of their own ridiculous wants. As an adult your DS may well look back on this as the first time he realised he couldn't trust his father. That's pretty fuxking sad, that your DH is so invested in a form of entertainment that he's willing to steal from his son and destroy the trust in their relationship.

Seriously, I would not be married to someone like that.