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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh is pathetic for throwing away ds present from grandad

291 replies

Lionking1981 · 05/07/2017 22:01

My family and dh support rival football clubs. The family team is our local one and the mascot has been into ds school, all his friends support the team and he has recently been saying that he supports them too which my dad found really funny. For his Bday this week, my dad cheekily gave him the strip and toy of the mascot. Today, he asked where they were - we couldn't find them anywhere. Dh has thrown them away. I get that he wants him and ds to bond over football and take him to games but I just find this a waste of money and horribly pathetic. Aibu?

OP posts:
llangennith · 05/07/2017 23:14

You married your father. Neither males in this scenario come out of it very well.

stella23 · 05/07/2017 23:14

Stella - the DC supports the team he was given the kit for.
The H is causing the problem.

I would agree with that if I though the grandad was genuinely interested In the dc's opinions rather than an opportunity for a bit of football competition. If the dc supported the other team, would he have been so quick to by dc the opposing team strip for his birthday.

PickAChew · 05/07/2017 23:14

It's a bunch of fellas kicking a ball around a field, ffs. Hardly worth upsetting a child over, by throwing something away that he actually appreciated.

(OK, so I know there is women's football, but people tend not to behave so ridiculously over that!)

HeddaGarbled · 05/07/2017 23:17

You have fond memories of going to matches with your dad.

That's what your husband wants with his son.

Your dad is interfering and needs to back off.

GoBigOrange · 05/07/2017 23:18

If the granddad had bought the mascot and strip for the absolute sole purpose of winding the dad up then fair enough that he was annoyed and wanted to get rid.

But the child had actually expressed interest in the team and presumably was pleased with the gift, so the dad was totally selfish and inconsiderate of his son's feelings to throw away something which did not belong to him just because he didn't like it.

One of my DH's brothers has three sons, two of them support the same team as their dad the other supports a rival team. But do you know what? My BIL is not a pissy self-centered little dick and he lets his son get on and support a team he loathes with only a bit of friendly ribbing.

WyfOfBathe · 05/07/2017 23:19

Your DH was out of order and he should replace what he threw away.

People who love football envisage the life they are going to have with their kids supporting their team before they are even born.
I'm a passionate Guide leader. I envisaged my kids being Guides or Scouts, bonding over camps and badges, and my DD got a camp blanket at a week old. When she said she didn't enjoy Rainbows, I let her stop. Your child isn't an extension of you and they don't have to like the same things as you.

Shadow666 · 05/07/2017 23:19

Oh, god. It's not Celtic and Rangers is it? In that case I could understand.

Usually, I'd say your husband is being a dick but some people are ceazily passionate about football.

Shadow666 · 05/07/2017 23:20

ceazily = crazily

StarHeartDiamond · 05/07/2017 23:24

Well. Your dh shouldn't have done that however your dad is interfering and he knew it. It might seem trivial to those who take football with a pinch of salt but to people who take it seriously, that could cause major resentment between your dh and dad (and indirectly you and dh) so your dad really shouldn't have meddled.

ilovelamp82 · 05/07/2017 23:27

Yes wyfofbathe but your fil didn't buy your daughter a blanket saying 'I hate camping'.

I understand my kids may not end up supporting the team I do or even like football but that does not alter the fact that the grandad crossed a line.

StarHeartDiamond · 05/07/2017 23:27

Gobig- but some people want to buy some things for their children themselves. E.g. First shoes, first ballet outfit, etc. I think football strip and mascot comes into that range and ops dad should have not meddled at all, isn't it enough that the child is tentatively expressing interest without hammering it home with a strip and a mascot of the child's dad's rival team?

Why go making trouble. Ops dad should have left well alone. Now op is upset, dh is upset and ops ds is upset. Good going, grandad! Hmm

Headofthehive55 · 05/07/2017 23:32

My DS manages to support at least three teams.
Your DH has behaved badly.

ineedaholidaynow · 05/07/2017 23:34

So Star if you think DH should be able to buy DS his first football strip which one should he buy if DS supports a different team to DH?

FML13 · 05/07/2017 23:35

I'm in the minority here but I'd be fuming at dad. My family is very into football, dh and I support opposing teams and it's a big deal! Some people just don't get it but each to their own! This wouldn't have been a very funny 'joke' in my house!

nancy75 · 05/07/2017 23:35

If the dh was so keen to buy the first football kit why hasn't he got one already?
The child had said he liked the team, grandad bought the kit, the DH could have also bought the kit for his team, there's no law saying a kid can't have 2 football kits

VestalVirgin · 05/07/2017 23:35

As someone who has absolutely no interest in football whatsoever, I think people often behave very bizarrely about football. It's like the social rules of football can trump all other normal social rules.

It looks like it.

But I wouldn't want to be married to someone who is like that. It is creepy. You wonder what other things such a person might get interested in that would trump all other normal social rules.

Headofthehive55 · 05/07/2017 23:36

Oh and grandparents got a strip from a club he doesn't support. We were Confused but managed to use it. I find with a football mad son, one can never have enough strips!

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 05/07/2017 23:37

DN supported her mother's glory team for a few years. DB won her over to his family's team, not by disrespecting her wishes and binning presents, but by inviting her to games for his team and buying things for his team in addition to her original preference team. It was his interest and enthusiasm that won her over in the end.

You catch more flies with honey.

Binning a child's possessions, particularly special things like presents is a massive breach of trust and has the potential to permanently ruin their relationship.

Giraffey1 · 05/07/2017 23:37

All a bit childish. Dad and your DH need to grow up a bit!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/07/2017 23:38

Your DH isn't much of a fan if your DS has got to school age without him buying him a strip.

Kids want to be involved and going to watch their local side. Not following Dad's team on the telly and going to a match about once a year.

StarHeartDiamond · 05/07/2017 23:41

ineed the one his son wants. That would be the right thing to do. However iOS dad has taken it out if his hands and hit in there first, quite sneakily.

StarHeartDiamond · 05/07/2017 23:41

Opsand got Smile

user1476869312 · 05/07/2017 23:45

That's not pathetic. It's abusive. Your H needs a serious bollocking about his attitude - and to be told to go and replace the gift he destroyed.

Football is a lot like religion in that, for some people, it's a harmless, enjoyable enthusiasm (though, frankly, it's completely ludicrous to get
all wound up about either a patriarchal mythology or a lot of grown men kicking a ball about in a field) but for arseholes it's a justification for abuse. It's fairly well known that big sporting events see a surge in domestic violence, for instance.

Your H's attitude is also unhealthy in that he clearly thinks his son should obey and follow him, regardless of the child's individuality and preferences.

WyfOfBathe · 05/07/2017 23:45

Yes wyfofbathe but your fil didn't buy your daughter a blanket saying 'I hate camping'.
If he did I would have laughed. While I dislike the word banter, that's what it is. OP said that her dad and his friends would joke about liking opposing teams. How was he to know that OP's DH would get upset rather than laughing?

BigChocFrenzy · 05/07/2017 23:51

A present belongs to the recipient.
The DS was hunting for his present, because he wanted it.

Unless it is something actually harmful to a child - booze, cigs , porn etc - no parent is entitled to throw away their child's present from someone else.

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