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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh is pathetic for throwing away ds present from grandad

291 replies

Lionking1981 · 05/07/2017 22:01

My family and dh support rival football clubs. The family team is our local one and the mascot has been into ds school, all his friends support the team and he has recently been saying that he supports them too which my dad found really funny. For his Bday this week, my dad cheekily gave him the strip and toy of the mascot. Today, he asked where they were - we couldn't find them anywhere. Dh has thrown them away. I get that he wants him and ds to bond over football and take him to games but I just find this a waste of money and horribly pathetic. Aibu?

OP posts:
Barrytheunicorn · 07/07/2017 12:53

I think your DH was in the wrong.

Your son has told his grandad he supports the team and your dad has bought him a tongue in cheek present that your dh might not have liked but your son obviously must have, otherwise why would he say he supports the rival team and ask you where his football kit and mascot have gone he clearly wanted them.

There will be an age (probably now) where he wants to fit in more with his friends than his dad, I while I get that football is ridiculously important to some people your husband has acted really immaturely throwing your sons gift away like that.

Who's to say your son won't chose another team to support again as he gets older.

I'd be really cross at my husband if he threw something away my dad had taken the time to buy whether he liked it or not.

FWIW my dad and brother support two rival teams (derby days used to be a fun day growing up Grin ) my brother supported the same team as my mums dad,my dad supported the rival team.
Derby days were just 2 hours of my dad and brother bantering about who team were winning.

To this day they always meet for derby day at my dads house and watch a lot of football matches together even teams they don't support just because they enjoy watching a good game of football together regardless of who's playing.

Your ds supporting another team isn't going to mean he can't watch football with his dad when he's older.

I'd rebuy the kit and not let your ds know his dad threw it out otherwise it's going to be awkward when your son tells his grandad what his dads done. If your son genuinely wanted the kit, which I get the impression he did if he noticed it missing and looked for it, chances are he is going to moan about it to his grandad.

Whether the grandad should have bought it or not your dh is going to come out of this looking a right mug when everyone realises he's thrown a child's birthday present away because he's doesn't like the badge on it.

GahBuggerit · 07/07/2017 12:59

Ahhhhh the fucking childishness that is football, it really can bring out the cunt in people can't it.

Your Dad bought his GS a present that he knew he'd like and your dh threw it away. I repeat, your dh threw his own sons present away, over a game. What a fucking twat. Cringing for you op that you have such a child as a dh.

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/07/2017 16:34

ineedaholidaynow
But boney don't you think it is pathetic that a grown man could get wound up by such a thing? I certainly do

I have posted several times that I consider the OP's DP pathetic, the issue seems to be that I consider the GP to be pathetic as well for using his Gs to wind up the OP's DP.

howrudeforme · 07/07/2017 17:24

This is bonkers and why I hate football.

I wish your family peace.

Writermom22 · 07/07/2017 18:05

What an ass. Does it really matter that much who supports what team? My hubs supports a local big team and 15 year old son supports their rivals but hubs wouldn't dare throw anything of son's stuff to do with the team.

Offred2 · 07/07/2017 18:06

Is it just me who reads threads like this and hopes that the child grows up to have no interest in football whatsoever, but instead gets seriously into chess, opera or something else completely random?!

I feel so sorry for any child who is clearly being brought up with the expectation that they will be into any particular interest hobby. They'll no doubt pick up on the fact that there will be disappointment if they don't happen to like that interest.

Also, I wonder if the OPs family would be acting in the same way if the child happened to have a vagina rather than a penis!!

Lallypop · 07/07/2017 18:15

My dad did the same. My partner gave me a cheeky smile and took it on the chin. He wouldn't have dared to throw it away.

IsabelleSE19 · 07/07/2017 18:44

I think if DS is really young then his 'support' of this team is not set in stone yet. I went through a phase of liking a different team as a younger child before eventually settling on my current team. Neither was the one my poor DF supported!

Personally I'd be happy for either of my DC to support the local team, but I would hate it if they supported one of my team's major rivals! I don't think I'd throw away a present though… maybe use it as a window-cleaning rag if it was a kit… Wink

I'd also like to take a moment to say Hmm to the pp who said 'How chavvy'

Shona52 · 07/07/2017 19:34

That's total out of order of your DH to do! I would go get another one and make DH pay for it. The gifts were your sons I can't believe anyone would do that to a child over a difference of football team.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/07/2017 19:40

How old is your dh, 5! How pathetic, he needs to replace them asap!

elevenclips · 07/07/2017 19:44

I'm on the fence. Whilst your dad passed it off as a laugh, it wasn't a laugh due to the strength of feeling people have re football teams. Your dad knew it wasn't a laugh. He was messing with your dh and imo your dh put an immediate stop to the messing, meaning that your dad will think twice before messing again.

user1498983411 · 07/07/2017 20:04

How sad that a grown man should behave that way, you would think with all the troubles in the world that he would he would let your sons football top go without causing any trouble. All he had to say was don't think your going to wear that top when your out with me, that's a top to wear with your old grandad!! not with your cool dad!! But of course he is not a cool dad he's a twat

simiisme · 07/07/2017 20:46

More than pathetic - like a toddler having a tantrum. I would find it impossible to be with such a humourless baby.

scootinFun · 07/07/2017 22:36

Did the op ever come back to the thread?

BowBelle81 · 07/07/2017 23:07

I'm with the Dad. I would be pretty furious if someone bought my child a present they knew for a fact I or my DP would be very strongly upset about. Doesn't matter whether it's football or something else - just because football doesn't matter to you, doesn't mean it genuinely doesn't mean a huge amount to others. And as other people have said it's not about the football club, it's about identity, history, father-son relationships, bonding....

I wouldn't chuck out a present once my DS had opened it and liked it, but I would be fuming - and in this situation, if I'd seen the kit before my DS did I definitely would have binned it.

There does seem to be a general dismissiveness of strong feelings and slightly OTT irrational behaviour (which we all have as parents sometimes) when it's about male feelings and passions. Agree with previous posters that if it was a MIL buying an outfit the mum hated / taking a child for first haircut / etc it would be very different responses.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 07/07/2017 23:09

I'm with the Dad. I would be pretty furious if someone bought my child a present they knew for a fact I or my DP would be very strongly upset about

If you're strongly upset that your young child supports a different team to you to the point you would throw their presents in the bin, you have a serious fucking problem. And you're putting your sports shit ahead of your child.

nina2b · 07/07/2017 23:09

He is and YANBU.

BowBelle81 · 07/07/2017 23:14

Rikers - really? Think of something you really care about. I don't know what that is, but I'm sure you have stuff you feel strongly about. Now one of your in-laws - who perhaps you've always had a bit of a difficult relationship with - buys your child something that signifies allegiance to the complete opposite.

I reckon you'd be pissed off, and you just don't in this instance think football matters very much.

My partner and I are from different countries. There's a lot of banter (hate that word but can't think of a better one) in our families and between us about which country's better. All good, all fun. If one of my in laws bought my son a TShirt that read "Poms are Shit", I'd be furious. Wouldn't you? That's basically what the granddad's done here.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 07/07/2017 23:15

No it isn't at all. You're deluded.

BowBelle81 · 07/07/2017 23:19

...because you think football doesn't matter.

To loads of people it really does.

(Also, you sound really angry. Why?)

WillRikersExtraNipple · 07/07/2017 23:21

No, because no matter how much football matters to you, your kid should matter more. And clearly you have that arseways.

Me angry? I'm not the one who would bin my kids presents because they were the wrong team. Look to yourself.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2017 23:35

Why are people using the examples of "Poms are shit" or "fuck Jesus". It's not comparable. The actual example is something like buying the child a Buddha statue or a T-shirt that says "Aussies are great". It's not denigrating the DH's team, just celebrating another.

We'd all be a lot better off if we supported things by actually supporting them, rather than being immature and offensive about the 'other'.

BowBelle81 · 07/07/2017 23:37

If the son had asked for it, fine. Children develop their own interests and passions and that's all good. But he didn't ask for it (at least, from the op it didn't sound like he did), the grandad gave it to him to wind up his dad. He's using the boy to pursue his own little fun game. Also a bit shit, really.

Delighted to hear you're not angry. Just rude and weirdly aggressive, then.

BowBelle81 · 07/07/2017 23:43

MrsTerryPratchett, that's a fair point. But I think it's because it's not just "another team". It's a team that the dad actively doesn't want his son to support, cause it feels like a rejection of his team. Which is why it felt to me like "I hate poms" was a good comparison.

Honestly, I know it seems weird, and I think the dad obviously overreacted, but coming from a big football family I do kind of get it. My mum once had builders who refused point blank (politely!) to drink tea out of my brother's arsenal mug, cause they were Tottenham fans. Ridiculous, but probably no more so than me not wanting my MiL to constantly harp on about how much better Australia is.

scootinFun · 07/07/2017 23:45

It's amazing, I take note of my children's interests and get them things that I know they'll like. Are they my cup of tea? No. Could you pay me to sit and play mine craft for flipping hours? No again. But I do it because HE likes it and that's what you do as a parent.