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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh is pathetic for throwing away ds present from grandad

291 replies

Lionking1981 · 05/07/2017 22:01

My family and dh support rival football clubs. The family team is our local one and the mascot has been into ds school, all his friends support the team and he has recently been saying that he supports them too which my dad found really funny. For his Bday this week, my dad cheekily gave him the strip and toy of the mascot. Today, he asked where they were - we couldn't find them anywhere. Dh has thrown them away. I get that he wants him and ds to bond over football and take him to games but I just find this a waste of money and horribly pathetic. Aibu?

OP posts:
user1476869312 · 07/07/2017 23:53

It's not that those of us pointing out how abusive this man's behaviour is don't understand that some stupid people do care this much about a fucking game. It's not that the strength of the H's feelings is wrong (though it is utterly ridiculous). It's the level of spite involved in actually destroying someone else's property because it's the wrong 'side'.

I'm a hardline atheist and despise religion every bit as much as I despise football. DS' grandma gave us a little china nativity ornament one year. It gets put out with the other decorations most years because DS thinks it's 'cute'.

damewithaname · 08/07/2017 05:38

You Dad is at fault here.

clairewilliams999 · 08/07/2017 06:05

Hardy a cunt though
Get a grip you idiots

nooka · 08/07/2017 06:18

I wonder if the two teams are more than just rivals but ones where fans perceive the other as more of an enemy, like Swansea and Cardiff perhaps? Although if the dh was really into football surely he'd have taken his son to matches and indoctrinated him thoroughly into supporting his team by now? I have family members who are serious fans and they had their children in strips as babies, and took them to matches pretty early too (in the family section).

Zampa · 08/07/2017 06:23

I live 200 miles away from my football club and it's likely that my DC will support a local team as well as (hopefully!) my team. Due to the distances involved and the likelihood of the teams being in different divisions, I could tolerate a different strip being in the house.

However, if the two conflicting teams were rivals, I would not hesitate to throw away the offending article. I'm the 4th generation of my family to support my club and I'm proud of it. Football is tribal and passionate and things like this matter A LOT.

GahBuggerit · 08/07/2017 06:35

I can't believe people would actually throw their kids presents away if they were football related and not of the team they dictate their kid must like.

It's so weird, like, back away slowly from the football weirdo weird.

eatingtomuch · 08/07/2017 07:19

My family and ex h family support different rival teams. Both families very passionate about the teams they support. There were jokes from the best man in the wedding day speeches etc.

DS1 was six week at first Christmas and my family all brought him stuff from the team they supported. We had a big family Christmas together and it was seen as a joke.

My ex h would have loved to spend time watching and taking him to games but DS1 has zero interest in football.

My DS is surrounded by family passionate about their teams but it had not influenced him to support either.

He is 17 now and recently went on a school trip where a hat was needed. The team my family support have dropped drastically down the league tables (no longer rivals) he wore there team hat as a joke amongst his friends.

OP I do think your hubby has been unreasonable and I'd have been angry if DS dad had thrown stuff away.

BoneyBackJefferson · 08/07/2017 10:36

What I don't understand is how posters are missing that the relationship between the DP and GP is clearly not a happy one, what posters are concluding is banter looks to be very one sided and the DP has clearly had enough. (not that that excuses him) and the GP has escalated this by including DGD in the mix.

ineedaholidaynow · 08/07/2017 10:52

boney can you show me the bit where the OP has said the relationship is not a happy one as I genuinely must have missed that.

Can someone tell me how to highlight the OP's posts?

BoneyBackJefferson · 08/07/2017 11:21

ineedaholidaynow

If it a happy relationship how do you explain the reaction, with out downplaying the part that the GP has played in this?

How many times do we hear 'its just banter', 'it is just a joke'. 'you should get a sense of humour' to hide that someone is being bullied.

It is very clear by the DP's reaction that everything is all sweetness and light between the two of them, and it makes me wonder how often the GP's jokes and banter are excused and the DP is singled out for the purpose of amusement for the OP's family.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/07/2017 11:33

Did all of you criticising the gp miss this part of the OP's post?

My family and dh support rival football clubs. The family team is our local one and the mascot has been into ds school, all his friends support the team and he has recently been saying that he supports them too which my dad found really funny

So basically all the little boy's friends and family support team A. The little boy will want to be like his friends. The OP's husband sounds like an aggressive, manipulative brat.

scootinFun · 08/07/2017 14:11

I notice that the Op hasn't come back...

ataraxia · 08/07/2017 17:49

He's chosen a team that's important to (one side of) his family, his friends, and that he has a connection to through the event at school. Also presumably easier for him to attend matches as it's the local team. Child had already said he supports the team, the present reflected that, not the other way round.

Given all that, is this really the first time DH has contemplated the idea that his son might not support his team?! Doesn't demonstrate much about unconditional love or respecting people's property.

user1476869312 · 09/07/2017 01:14

If you would throw away or destroy another person's property because it was from a rival 'tribe' - and you are actually over 18 - then I would consider you a good few notches below me on the evolutionary ladder.

Not sure whether it would be higher or lower than people who believe in anything supernatural: that would take some calibrating. Oh, maybe not - because the point is not about your ridiculous beliefs, opinions, loyalties (I know loads of likeable, trustworthy people who hold at least one profoundly silly belief) but about whether you can be trusted to treat other people with normal, functional-adult courtesy. The DP in this story evidently can't. He thinks he's entitled to force his son to share his own silly obsessions - and it's genuinely worrying. What's this prick going to do if the son persists in liking a different colour of t-shirt? Beat him up? Disown him?

corythatwas · 09/07/2017 22:31

as it so happens, user, both I and my Christian friends are perfectly able to cope with atheist children without throwing their property away or disowning them or whatever

just as my atheist parents were able to cope with me without throwing my Bible away

and my atheist husband is able to cope with me too

don't know what is says about evolutionary ladders (and yes, we all do believe in evolution), seems to me to be about common courtesy

user1489675144 · 10/07/2017 10:25

Surely a child can support whatever team he chooses and a father that dictates otherwise or has a strop and throws away a present because it is not the 'right' team is pathetic

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