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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh is pathetic for throwing away ds present from grandad

291 replies

Lionking1981 · 05/07/2017 22:01

My family and dh support rival football clubs. The family team is our local one and the mascot has been into ds school, all his friends support the team and he has recently been saying that he supports them too which my dad found really funny. For his Bday this week, my dad cheekily gave him the strip and toy of the mascot. Today, he asked where they were - we couldn't find them anywhere. Dh has thrown them away. I get that he wants him and ds to bond over football and take him to games but I just find this a waste of money and horribly pathetic. Aibu?

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 05/07/2017 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 05/07/2017 22:33

Which team your son supports is totally up to him. If all his mate support one team, he's likely to pick that team too, especially as the mascots been in to his school and his mums family all support the team.
Fair enough your husband hoped your son would support the same team he does and they could "bond" over football, and they still can btw, but it is NOT his call to decide who your son supports and he had NO right throwing away your sons birthday presents ffs!

stella23 · 05/07/2017 22:35

I wonder how this would go if it was a mum and a mil involved. Bet it would be totally different responses.

user1468353179 · 05/07/2017 22:36

I'm from Liverpool and support Everton. If anyone bought a Liverpool kit or anything from their team it would be straight in the bin.

IStoleDipsysHat · 05/07/2017 22:36

No it fucking wouldn't on my part stella. The child has expressed their preference and throwing stuff out that they have expressed an interest in is low, pathetic and downright toxic Angry.

IStoleDipsysHat · 05/07/2017 22:38

Well aren't you a joy user your kids must really love you, I mean really love you . Not just think they have to say they like whatever you do and not be allowed to be themselves in any way or user won't love them anymore...Pathetic.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/07/2017 22:39

So you DS's first father/son football experience is of being bullied by his Dad? Yeah, that'll give him a warm feeling and lifelong common bond...

What have you , or his Dad, told DS?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/07/2017 22:40

I'm all for people supporting their local teams. Your DH is being very overbearing to expect DS to support some randomers just because he does.

So mean to throw away a strip too. My DS has three strips; our local team, our national team (Wales) and Barcelona (just because they are cool). All get worn to football practical, at school and at his club. He'd wear just about any strip I reckon.

BewareOfDragons · 05/07/2017 22:40

Your DH is a dick.

IStoleDipsysHat · 05/07/2017 22:41

Oh yes, I was forced to like something one of my parents liked instead of what I wanted to like.Yes, it left a mark, yes I'm still bitter, so think on. Saying it won't do any harm is total bollocks HTH.

BoneyBackJefferson · 05/07/2017 22:43

IStoleDipsysHat

low, pathetic and downright toxic

I agree, but I think this is true from both sides.
You don't do something to deliberately wind up someone else, just because its "funny", the OP's DH didn't find it funny and the granddad would have known this.

People take football far to seriously and I have seen marriages ended over it, would it be equally as "funny" for the OP to send their ds in the strip to his dad's if they did break up?

redshoeblueshoe · 05/07/2017 22:44

Your DH certainly is a dick

phoenixtherabbit · 05/07/2017 22:45

My dp is a huge football fan. Probably would not be over the moon if ds got a kit fpr another team but he woikd appreciate that whatever it was belonged to ds and wouldn't throw it away. He can also take a joke.

This should be a non issue your dh is mean and pathetic throwing away a child's present whatever it is is just a really shitty thing to do.

Original poster
Lionking1981 · 05/07/2017 22:45

Thanks for responses so far. I think the present was cheeky because he knows dh wants the kids to support his team. But it was given because ds has been saying he likes the team. My dad has always been friends with rival fans and I remember things like having our car plastered with newspaper reports of matches when our team lost when I was a kid. My dad found it funny. I know he would have found himself funny buying this gift.

Dh is taking it way too seriously I think. But I used to love going to the matches with my dad as a kid. I'm not a football fan now but I treasure those memories mainly because his friend used to buy me a pie. Dh never went with his dad and I wonder if he feels be missed out. But I don't wanted him dictating to ds who can make his own choices and throwing his stuff away.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 05/07/2017 22:46

But why does DH's choice of football team come first? What if OP is an ardent supporter of the football team her family follows?

When it comes to supporting a football team surely it has to be your own personal choice

VestalVirgin · 05/07/2017 22:46

Both men being stupid idiots doesn't mean that it was okay to THROW AWAY SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO A CHILD.
Send your DH to buy a new mascot (and the same one that he threw away!) and apologize to your son.
If he doesn't do that, to be honest, I'd consider divorce. Someone who'd be so utterly childish and petty about something as unimportant as football ... it says a lot about that person.

To those who are of the opinion that "oh, your dad was stupid, too":

Taking out silly rivalries on a child is a horrible, horrible thing to do, and while both men might be wrong, OP's dad was mean to another adult, while her DH threw away something that belonged to a child.

gillybeanz · 05/07/2017 22:46

Your husband is a child put politely.
tell him to buy your son a replacement and apologise to ds and your dad and grow the fuck up.

The golden MN question, but is he always like this?

ollieplimsoles · 05/07/2017 22:48

I can't believe some people actually think the grandad is in the wrong here, who gives a shit what the dh had planned out for his ds, its a fucking football team and ds chose to support them!

Your dh needs to replace the poor boys gift from his grandad asap

ILoveDolly · 05/07/2017 22:48

Your dh is being ridiculous. I know several families where the son has chosen to support the rival local team to the one the father supports. As a man he needs to model good behaviour to the son such as sportsmanship, supporting sons relationship with grandad etc. So petty

Madwoman5 · 05/07/2017 22:48

Wasn't his to throw away. Simple as that. Does your son get to throw his Dads stuff out if he doesn't like it? No.

WateryTart · 05/07/2017 22:49

Your DH needs to get a grip, it's only a game.

grannytomine · 05/07/2017 22:50

Your husband had no right to do it even if your dad was doing it to wind him up. I might have a little sympathy for your husband if your son hadn't said he supported the team but he needs to grow up and accept your son can choose which team he supports. I hope he replaces them.

freemanbatch · 05/07/2017 22:50

In a few years time when your DH is off out at the weekend to the football and leaving his son at home for you to care for he'll be the bad guy for that as well.

your dad stomped all over something your DH feels is a bonding opportunity between him and his son. You might think it's funny or not a big deal just as people differ in opinion on what MILs should and shouldn't do around DIL's relationships with their children but to your DH this matters and you need to recognise that even if you think it's ridiculous

Purplepicnic · 05/07/2017 22:52

Pathetic behaviour from grown men. Putting a fucking game before family relationships and a child's feelings.

stella23 · 05/07/2017 22:53

I also think that yabu for not sticking up for your dh, clearly you know we this was important to our dh, and you should support him.