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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh is pathetic for throwing away ds present from grandad

291 replies

Lionking1981 · 05/07/2017 22:01

My family and dh support rival football clubs. The family team is our local one and the mascot has been into ds school, all his friends support the team and he has recently been saying that he supports them too which my dad found really funny. For his Bday this week, my dad cheekily gave him the strip and toy of the mascot. Today, he asked where they were - we couldn't find them anywhere. Dh has thrown them away. I get that he wants him and ds to bond over football and take him to games but I just find this a waste of money and horribly pathetic. Aibu?

OP posts:
Shadow666 · 06/07/2017 05:00

I think the granddad knew exactly what he was doing and it was a poor joke. It doesn't sound like the son is that passionate about football yet, so he didn't need a football present. I know someone who bought a Celtic t-shirt for someone whose family are Rangers supporters and yes it got binned. It's like buying a "Fuck Jesus" t-shirt for a kid when you know the parents are devout Christians. You're doing it to wind them up, which is a dickish thing to do. It would be different if the OP's son loved football and desperately wanted the kit, but it sounds like that isn't the case here.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/07/2017 06:04

My dad did almost the exact same. Bought my DD a bear in the strip of his team: Hibernian. DH is a Rangers supporter.

DH did what a loving, caring father does. He went all mock-annoyed and pretended (DD knew it was in jest) to want to throw Hibbie Bear away. DD got to protect DGF's present and Hibbie Bear is a favourite.

Every now and then DH sees Hibbie Bear and pretends to be annoyed. DD thinks it's hilarious.

It's much more important that a child learns that families love each other, can joke around, can like different things... and that her things are her things. Throwing away children's stuff is nasty.

araiwa · 06/07/2017 06:17

Grandad was being unreasonable- he shouldnt have bought it in the first place.

What if a grandad bought a voucher for spearmint rhino for an 18th birthday present. Everyone would be ok with that?

SouthWindsWesterly · 06/07/2017 06:18

^ what MrsTerryPratchett said ^

sandgrown · 06/07/2017 06:18

Opposing premier league teams in our house ( which causes some lively discussion!) DS supports the same team as his dad but also goes with me to watch our local lower division team. We just like watching football!

EllieMentry · 06/07/2017 06:29

It was your child's birthday present. It wasn't your DH's to throw away.

Whether the gift was solely to make your child happy or whether Grandad was also trying to wind your DH up, it was still bought for the child because the child likes the team.

Yep, pathetic - and a crap way to treat his son.

Hereward1332 · 06/07/2017 06:31

I don't get the fixation on DFs motivation. Your DH has thrown out something DS liked for no reason other than it wasn't what he wanted DS to like. I would be livid if my seven year old acted so petulantly.

erinaceus · 06/07/2017 06:38

It is not appropriate for your DH and Dad to play out their rivalry for your son's affections in this way. At seven, your son is old enough to understand passion and rivalry.

Your DS might become Switzerland between the two clubs for all that your DH and your Dad know. A bit similar to what sandgrown said.

Nonetheless, I think "fuming" is a bit far. It's daft but forgivable IMO.

BertAndKhloe · 06/07/2017 06:40

He throw a way the kit? I don't know if your local team is a premiership team or not but when I got DD a baby version of the Chelsea kit it cos £54! So not cheap!

darbyshaw · 06/07/2017 06:42

Wow. Your DH is not only pathetic but an absolute cock over this. Even if your dad was doing it as a wind up, he still bought a child a kit he would love. That's a good thing. Your DH wants to control his DC and throws away belongings to do it. That is a disgusting thing to do.

HotelEuphoria · 06/07/2017 06:43

At what point is you DH going to realise his son has a mind of his own and may indeed grow up liking different things to his father? I have experience of this, my DH desperately wanted DS to love his football, to want to learn golf, to go to the cricket. By 14 DH had got a big fat fuck you to all of them. DS is a massive rugby fan, hates football, it took a while for it to sink in but now they enjoy trips to Twickenham together.

My DH would have been tempted to do the same as yours, he wouldn't, but he would have been arsey. It's pathetic.

KoalaDownUnder · 06/07/2017 06:45

I don't get the fixation on DFs motivation. Your DH has thrown out something DS liked for no reason other than it wasn't what he wanted DS to like. I would be livid if my seven year old acted so petulantly.

In a nutshell, this.

elfinpre · 06/07/2017 06:48

I support Man Utd, DF supports Man City. We get on well.

Falling out over football and needing your child to support a particular team is fucking pathetic. One reason I'm glad I don't live in a massive football supporting city any more and away from all that nonsense as people can be really fucking stupid about it.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/07/2017 06:53

From what the OP has posted the DS has never requested the kit, just said that he likes the team, If he had requested the kit I would view the GP's actions differently.

I suspect that the OP's views her dad's humour in a quirky, its just how my dad is sort of way, and her DP is the butt of most of his humour.

SeaWitchly · 06/07/2017 06:58

I feel sorry for your dh really. If someone had bought my dc an opposing football kit and they went on to support them I'd be ge uinely gutted. I'm looking forward to the next 50 years of going to the games with my boys. Your Dad overstepped the mark and he knows it.

So what happens if your kids don't like football?

You can't dictate your children's interests or hobbies in this way imo, it is very controlling.

OP, I think your DH has behaved appallingly and he needs to replace the kit your DF bought your son as a birthday present. DH doesn't get to dictate the presents your child receives or whether or not he is allowed to enjoy them Hmm. DH needs to get a grip and grow up.
It's only football fgs.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 06/07/2017 06:58

Your DH has the maturity of a hormonal 12 year old. How ridiculous. I'd make him replace it. Maybe in addition your DH could buy his team strip also and your son could wear which ever he prefers. It's not for DH to say.

Headofthehive55 · 06/07/2017 07:03

ER he clearly likes the team so why not buy him the kit? Irrelevant what his dad likes. He wasn't buying it for him was he. Anyway, why can't he equally go to football with his mum? I'd be really annoyed if DH threw away my teams kit.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/07/2017 07:09

what is being overlooked by those supporting the GP is that he is also forcing his views on the child in that he is pushing/encouraging him to continue support the team by buying him these gifts.

As has been said neither adult is being the adult here.

Lockheart · 06/07/2017 07:10

Is it not possible for your DS to grow up going to both teams games? If you like football (and not just looking for an excuse to fight with someone wearing the "wrong" colour), who cares if they're rival teams? You'll be happy whoever wins, after all.

I grew up in a more rugby supporting family, so the medieval tribalism of football often goes over my head. I'm happy to watch a rugby game whoever is playing. A good game is a good game regardless! Surely it's the same for football?

Your DH was completely wrong to throw out something that doesn't belong to him. He should replace them. And also why doesn't he buy DS the mascot / strip of "his" team as well? Surely that's a good compromise?

OliviaBenson · 06/07/2017 07:17

This is why I hate football.

AChickenCalledKorma · 06/07/2017 07:20

boney he's hardly "forcing his views on the child", given that it's the local team and his school friends also support it.

WinchestersInATardis · 06/07/2017 07:23

No matter whether the DF or DH were being unreasonable about who supports what team, binning a child's birthday present because you don't like the team is just nasty.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/07/2017 07:27

AChickenCalledKorma

Football has a weird affect on people, the only thing that the GP could possibly do that is worse than this is take him to his first game without his dad.

I hate the game due to the tribal and cult like nature of its die hard supporters but these people know that you do not buy kits for children unless they are requested by the children themselves.

So I maintain that although the OP's DH is pathetic so is the GP that did this to piss him off.

MargaretCavendish · 06/07/2017 07:31

What if a grandad bought a voucher for spearmint rhino for an 18th birthday present. Everyone would be ok with that?

How is that remotely the same?

As the one non-football-lover in a football-mad family I can confirm that sometimes your children won't share your interests no matter how passionate you are about them. I do remember that my brother for quite a while growing up insisted he had 'two teams' - the (geographically distant, struggling faded glory) team my parents supported and another (reasonably local, top of the premiership) team that lots of other kids at school supported. Everyone accepted this and bought him stuff for both. I got the impression that being the only one in your school who supported your team wasn't fun, not because anyone bullied him over it or anything, but because the camaraderie is a big part of the point, and he wanted a team he could share and discuss with his friends. Good news for your DH, though - as an adult he definitely only has one team and it's my parents' team!

ineedaholidaynow · 06/07/2017 07:35

boney I get that attitude if DS had shown no interest in that football team, but he had so why shouldn't he buy him a mascot etc for that team.

I am a Liverpool supporter and have been since I was a child. I chose them because I like the colour red! Don't come from a footballing family. DH also doesn't come from a footballing family. DS has chosen to support another team, absolutely fine by me. One of DS's godparents is a very ardent supporter of that team so has bought DS various gifts related to that team. Have I had a hissy fit? No because I am not an arse. In fact I encourage the godparent because I think it is a nice thing that DS has a fellow supporter who he is close to

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