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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset by this present

164 replies

emsmum79 · 05/07/2017 20:38

I put a lot of thought and effort into buying presents, planning days out and so on. My dh is not generally so thoughtful, and I have generally accepted that. However, I'm really upset about a recent birthday present, and he just doesn't understand why. Help me work out if I am being unreasonable please.
We are going on holiday soon and I found a place that our toddler will very much enjoy. I was really pleased to find it, am excited by how much she'll like it, but it is in no way something that I am interested in. I worked out costs, location, what else is nearby, what days and times we could go etc. My husband then decided to type up a "have a day out at the place you found/did all the work for" voucher as my birthday present. Aibu to feel a bit hacked off by this? He's done nothing other than type it up, and he knows how much I would appreciate him suggesting a day out for us all.
Thanks.

OP posts:
Squishedstrawberry4 · 05/07/2017 20:41

That's crap! Thoughtless

Justhadmyhaircut · 05/07/2017 20:42

Make sure you are as thoughtless about his. .

RolfNotRudolf · 05/07/2017 20:45

So he's basically said he'll have his child for the day while you do something else?

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 05/07/2017 20:45

That is really not thoughtful at all. YANBU.

Babbaganush · 05/07/2017 20:47

The problem here is that you have very different perspectives on gifts - reading the book "Love Languages" could help you to understand both your approaches.
I think that from his point of view he has given you something he knows you want to do ie a good gift but from your perspective you feel like he doesn't care and has taken the easy option.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 05/07/2017 20:49

Confused so is the "present" that he'll look after the dc while you go, even though it's somewhere for the dc, not you, or is he giving you permission to spend money on taking the dc on a day out? Either is pretty crap.

ChasedByBees · 05/07/2017 20:49

It is in no way a good gift. It's not a place you want to go for you and you've done all the research, he's done nothing.

Original poster
emsmum79 · 05/07/2017 20:49

Rolf, no it's a day out for all of us- but one that I've organised and he's basically handed back to me. It'll be a lovely day out, but it's not really a 'present'.

OP posts:
SweetLuck · 05/07/2017 20:52

I don't understand why you need us to help you workout why you're upset Confused This is a gift for your toddler not for you.

Original poster
emsmum79 · 05/07/2017 20:55

Babbaganush, that's good advice- I totally agree with it. I have read it, and definitely agree with the book. Doesn't sting any less when you feel like your dh isn't thoughtful though!!

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 05/07/2017 20:56

Wtf? So you organise a trip to say, Alton Towers, all the planning etc. And his present to you is essentially agreeing to go?

StealthPolarBear · 05/07/2017 20:56

Well it's for your toddler not you really!

chupsmelad · 05/07/2017 20:59

I'd be looking at him like Hmm thinking it was a joke tbh.

I mean come on. What next, an invite to the Christmas dinner that you planned and cooked?

allowlsthinkalot · 05/07/2017 20:59

Has he misunderstood? He thinks you've been researching this place because you're desperate to go and so he thinks he's treating you to a trip there?

VictoriaMcdade · 05/07/2017 21:09

You need to explain it to him like honey has suggested.

And then go and buy yourself something that you really want.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 05/07/2017 21:11

That;s not a present: you were going to do it anyway! Sorry, YANBU that's just terrible.

category12 · 05/07/2017 21:11

YANBU

Babbaganush · 05/07/2017 21:15

emsmum79
I'm the same as you - I spend ages finding the right gift for someone, dh just doesn't think like that at all!! It stings when he asks "what do you want for your birthday? - What I really want is for him to think like me - but I have accepted that it's never going to happen lol.

CaretakerToNuns · 05/07/2017 21:16

Typical husband who can't be bothered to put in an ounce of effort. YANBU.

user1493202565 · 05/07/2017 21:16

My husband got me onion goggles one year...

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 05/07/2017 21:17

Is he offering to pay for the trip for you?

BoraThirch · 05/07/2017 21:17

So you decided you'd take your toddler to (for eg) Peppa Pig World and his gift to you is basically agreeing he will also attend? Has he at least paid for the tickets out of his own money?

Assburgers · 05/07/2017 21:17

YANBU. That is really, really rubbish.

Does he know you're pissed off? Because I would make sure he knew.

AllGoingPearShaped · 05/07/2017 21:17

My DH does this too, zero effort presents like a voucher for a spa that's 1 minute away from his office but an hour away from where we live. So I have to schlep an hour into town in between school runs and be wildly grateful.

It's hard because they think they've cracked it but in reality they've put no thought into it at all and they don't realise that we see that. Just ticking boxes. YANBU.

MissionItsPossible · 05/07/2017 21:18

That is a TERRIBLE present Shock I would initially think it was a joke but would then be dealing with this bluntly I'm afraid.