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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset by this present

164 replies

emsmum79 · 05/07/2017 20:38

I put a lot of thought and effort into buying presents, planning days out and so on. My dh is not generally so thoughtful, and I have generally accepted that. However, I'm really upset about a recent birthday present, and he just doesn't understand why. Help me work out if I am being unreasonable please.
We are going on holiday soon and I found a place that our toddler will very much enjoy. I was really pleased to find it, am excited by how much she'll like it, but it is in no way something that I am interested in. I worked out costs, location, what else is nearby, what days and times we could go etc. My husband then decided to type up a "have a day out at the place you found/did all the work for" voucher as my birthday present. Aibu to feel a bit hacked off by this? He's done nothing other than type it up, and he knows how much I would appreciate him suggesting a day out for us all.
Thanks.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 05/07/2017 21:19

So you he and your daughter will all go, yet it's YOUR birthday present?

Tell him to fuck off.

2014newme · 05/07/2017 21:19

Hand it back and say this isn't a present for me.

MajesticWhine · 05/07/2017 21:24

YANBU. I think you need to tell him that it's not what you want and explain why. He is being useless but he needs to have it explained in words of one syllable.

BewareOfDragons · 05/07/2017 21:24

I'd hand it back to him and say, "I'm already doing this. I arranged it. Remember? Now where's my actual thoughtful present?"

Original poster
emsmum79 · 05/07/2017 21:25

Thanks everyone. We've just had a big argument and he's still maintaining that it's a good present because we'd all enjoy it. It's not Peppa Pig world, but is the equivalent. I'm so fed up with feeling bottom of the list. It is my birthday today, and instead of having my feet up drinking a glass of wine, I'm crying in bed typing this.

OP posts:
Lazyafternoon · 05/07/2017 21:27

I saw the title and all prepared to say you were being unreasonable. My husband is generally crap (I normally get something off my Amazon wish list or told to buy something I want) so I get miffed as everyone tends to get better presents and still moan about it...But I take back my thought! That is spectacularly crap!!!!

So his present is him saying 'ok lets do that thing you planned for our child' and would probably do anyway.

Sod him. Book yourself a spa day or something for yourself and tell him to book the day off / look after your child for the day while you go and enjoy yourself. If you have a friend to take so much the better!

Have a good old moan at him at how disappointed you were. Make him feel guilty. Don't let him get away with it!!!

BlessYourCottonSocks · 05/07/2017 21:28

Dragons has it absolutely right.

Hand it back to him with those exact words. He can maintain what the fuck he likes but it's not a good present it you aren't thrilled by it. It's your birthday.

Notknownatthisaddress · 05/07/2017 21:29

WOW! Why do some men think looking after their OWN CHILD is a favour to the mother?! Arsehole! Hmm

YANBU.

quizqueen · 05/07/2017 21:29

So his present for his next birthday is going to be - the pleasure of his child's company all day ( on a voucher of course) while you go out by yourself on your own and do what you want.

becotide · 05/07/2017 21:32

That's not a present. Writing down the thing you planned to do with your joint responibility (toddler) and presenting it as a voucher doesn't make it a present.

Give him a voucher for a trip to Tesco to get the weekly shop.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 05/07/2017 21:34

I agree with Dragons.

BasketOfDeplorables · 05/07/2017 21:34

That is not a present.

He might not like buying presents as much as you, but he needs to find a way around that. He could have asked you directly what you wanted, he could buy you flowers or book a table at your favourite restaurant. He could have asked friends or family for recommendations. He could have gone to the shops and just had a look around.

DP does enjoy buying presents, and puts thought and effort into them. In truth, they're not always what I would choose myself, but I've enjoyed them all because I know that he has thought about it.

Miserylovescompany2 · 05/07/2017 21:35

Type him up a voucher for SofaVille!

cafetea · 05/07/2017 21:37

Have you given him some ideas? Perhaps a wishlist for an online shopping site or some hints for evenings out. He might just be clueless

WarmestRegards · 05/07/2017 21:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been been removed by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Storminateapot · 05/07/2017 21:39

Oh I feel your pain. It is my 50th in less than a month and I know for a fact my DH had done nothing about it at all. In a couple of weeks he will ask for a list of what I want - expectation of a few books- and order it from Amazon (so long as it costs less than £100). No we aren't strapped for cash.

There will be no surprises because he hates surprises. I love surprises, he knows that, but there won't be any.
I'm at the point where I have low expectations and therefore cannot be disappointed any more. We've had the arguments & disappointments over the years but in the end he doesn't care about birthdays so doesn't see why anybody else should or would and isn't prepared to 'get it'.

RideOn · 05/07/2017 21:39

Talk about it on another day when you aren't upset. I think people get overinvested in gifting.

I think you have to be really blunt with what you need. Ie I need you to think of something I would like but haven't planned already. Something that is for me, not for DC or you. Then say if he can't do it you will give him a list of 3 ideas before your birthday and he can arrange/pick one.

I am not a natural at this and have to fight my urges to get something I would want for my birthday. Honestly most presents I get I think pointless/ what a waste/ can I regift it?

BuzzKillington · 05/07/2017 21:39

I would give it back and possibly divorce him.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 05/07/2017 21:41

Thank need to treat yourself. Buy youself something nice.
What's going on with your DH, I'm not excusing it, just trying to understand. is he under pressure at work? Did he have time to shop for a gift? Were birthdays celebrated when he was growing up? How does he approach his mother's birthday?

MadMags · 05/07/2017 21:41

I don't understand what happened.Blush

So you organised a day out then he typed up "we're going to X" as your present??

Leeds2 · 05/07/2017 21:42

I think you know what to get him for his next birthday.

LivininaBox · 05/07/2017 21:44

For his birthday, give him a voucher for a free night in his own bed.

TooMinty · 05/07/2017 21:44

Get him a voucher for the local soft play centre for his birthday. And a Peppa Pig DVD.

Ohyesiam · 05/07/2017 21:46

He'd be heading for a last ever blow job voucher of it was me.

Original poster
emsmum79 · 05/07/2017 21:48

Madmags, that's exactly what happened.
All the ideas about crap presents for the future are great, but sadly wouldn't have much effect- he wouldn't be bothered.
I can't think of a better present for myself than a day out with my daughter, just not one that I've already planned.

OP posts: