To feel upset by this present

[emsmum79]

I put a lot of thought and effort into buying presents, planning days out and so on. My dh is not generally so thoughtful, and I have generally accepted that. However, I'm really upset about a recent birthday present, and he just doesn't understand why. Help me work out if I am being unreasonable please.
We are going on holiday soon and I found a place that our toddler will very much enjoy. I was really pleased to find it, am excited by how much she'll like it, but it is in no way something that I am interested in. I worked out costs, location, what else is nearby, what days and times we could go etc. My husband then decided to type up a "have a day out at the place you found/did all the work for" voucher as my birthday present. Aibu to feel a bit hacked off by this? He's done nothing other than type it up, and he knows how much I would appreciate him suggesting a day out for us all.
Thanks.

i was almost over my christmas disapointment till this brought it all flooding back! My hubby went all out and got me a poncho last xmas. my son kindly informed me on christmas day that 'daddy chose it last night ' so basically from the supermarket when he went out for an urgent supply of sprouts for xmas dinner! a fucking wooly poncho!! 1) i hate wool 2) i hate ponchos. As far as thoughtless last minute gives go that has to be the worst. I then spent all day imagining he had a special surprise present for me later, as you do. But nope, just a god damn poncho for me! So whilst daddy tore into a lovely selection of thoughtful gifts id been planning since september (including a ps4!!!!) i had the kids asking if id been naughty this year!! You will never get over it OP. Im planning on buying & wrapping my own gives this year just to keep face in front of the rest of the family so they dont see the soul fall out of me when it will undoubtably happen again

I don't understand what part is a present either!

But as I always say when I treat myself to something new, from me, to me! ah! I always love it. I am single though, I know if I were with somebody I would want them to be able to identify some thing or place or activity or experience that I would enjoy. :-/

My late DH once bought me a very thoughtful b/day present . I got home from work to find the TV in the bedroom with lots of candles, and he'd rented a porn DVD for us to watch, for a 'romantic' evening. He said he couldn't afford a 'proper' pressie that year. I slept on the sofa and he certainly didn't get lucky.

Next morning he went out and came back with loads of expensive fish for his fishtank. But he couldn't 'afford' a pressie for me??? That one almost ended up in divorce.

Type up the words "try again"'and hand it back to him.

I think you need to discuss with him why you're upset, and he needs to take on board that gifts are important to you. So yanbu to be upset but I don't think revenge gifting is the way forward!

My partner is a pretty terrible gift giver, but he does try at least. He also panic buys. So for Christmas I got one of those enormous Kilner jars people use for cocktails. I will never use it, and it's currently taking up space in our cupboard. His thought process was probably 'reetgood uses jars for things, this one looks cool'. I even said don't get me a gift but he thought I should have something. For my birthday this year I planned a fancy lunch and his gift was sharing the expense and coming along. I basically told him the plan. It was very sweet though and truly an act of love on his part to gamely take part in things he really is not interested in! It made it more fun almost ;)

Fortunately neither of us rate gifts as high in terms of expressing affection, so we avoid the rows. But if you have a mismatch, it would help for you both to understand that about each other and to see how happy the right kind of gifting can make each other.

I don't understand.
Is he offering you to go alone?
Is he offering to pay?
Is he offering to accompany you?
What bit is the s actual gift?

YANBU
I thought my DH was bad....I aways say I get a drive by present ....he's driving by somewhere and thinks oh yeah that will do. Never a jewellers but more like Currys!!! I am only one birthday off a car kit and wipers from the BP garage!
Give it back to him and tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine! Then buy him a great present (with his money) to show you don't hold a grudge 😉

After many years of being the recipient of crappy thoughtless gifts I now put exactly the same amount of thought into gifts as the ones I get.
Get me a £3 box of chocs from the garage? That's what you will get back.
Get me a out of date voucher? You will get a card and smile.
Get me whatever was on 3 for 2 at boots? That's what you will get back.
Makes life much better easier.

The problem here is that you have very different perspectives on gifts - reading the book "Love Languages" could help you to understand both your approaches.
I think that from his point of view he has given you something he knows you want to do ie a good gift but from your perspective you feel like he doesn't care and has taken the easy option.

Definetly this. My dh is like this. It took me a long time to work out that we have different ideas about gifts.

That's poor.

What does your dh do for you? Does he ever make an effort for you?

I would not be impressed.

I get it OP, it's the total lack of thought. If you can't think of a suitable gift, then just blinking well ask.

For my 40th my partner bought me a really expensive Champneys voucher, which would be lovely except I have never once expressed any interest in such things (I know this goes against MN law where a spa day seems to be the cure for all ills). In fact, quite the opposite, I have said on many, many occasions over the 10 years we had been together at the time that I have no desire to have strangers rub stuff on me, hose me down and make me sit in a bacteria soup jacuzzi, followed by a night in a hotel on my own where I'd have to don a balaclava and hide in a bush somewhere at the edge of the grounds so I could have a fag. He just panicked and thought 'it's expensive therefore it must be a cracking gift'. I ended up selling the voucher to a friend and buying some fabulous Prada boots with the proceeds. 8 years on he STILL hasn't noticed that I never went to Champneys.

Still - at least it wasn't a poncho!

dogsmom that is so outrageously bad I actually laughed out loud. Not because it was funny but because it was appalling.

DH used to be shit at present buying, if I didn't say what I wanted, went and bought it from family money and gave it to him I didn't get anything. At 48 a lightbulb went off in his head, I got a fabulous Indian cookery course which I loved, a Weber BBQ smoke day in Ripon to learn smoking skills (yes I like to cook) and diamond earrings this year. I love diamonds and they were beautiful and I am astounded.

He either grew up, started appreciating me or his OW gave him some clues

I bought myself tickets to an event with a friend for my birthday and husband simply transferred the money over. That was it, not even a voucher. Who says romance is dead...

My normally thoughtful DH is useless at presents and panics a bit when birthdays and Christmas comes round. He does try but isn't very good at it.

When I had a recent 'big' birthday, I went in his office and said "would you like me to organise my present, I've seen something I like, I'll just give you the receipt, what do you think?"

"Oh god yes PLEASE" says he.

I went and bought a secondhand diamond ring I'd seen in this little jewellers near us. I put the receipt down on his desk and he paid for it. .

That's a good tactic

What a dick!

OP - happy birthday - what an idiot he is.
Mine is no better. I have been asking for a Mulberry Bayswater for years and years. I know it is expensive but it costs a lot less than he spends on his hobby each year and we can easily afford it. He told my dds that no way was he spending that amount of money on a handbag for me. Cue my 50th and the night before my dds said to him - this year you have bought the handbag she's been asking for for 8 years. No he hadn't and they basically guilt tripped him into getting it for me in a panic - so extra presents for me!

He is terrible at presents though as he doesn't give it any thought. One year he bought me a book by Jeremy Clarkson which he wanted. Another year I said I wanted a nice watch - I'd bought him a Dunhill when he asked for one. I saw the email from Amazon saying the Nike running watch was on the way so I was prepared - otherwise I'd have burst into tears when I opened it. Now I set up wish list on ebay and he buys off that - its still a surprise but a controlled one and I get something I want.

But YANBU - it sucks

All these suggestions that you give him something crap in return! Makes me think he wouldn't be that bothered and you'd get a shrug at best. Water off a twat's back. Face it, you have different feelings/skills in the pressie buying department and I only hope he excels in some other area of your relationship!

For his birthday wrap a pair of his old socks up for him. He was going to wear them anyway.

Spa day on your "holiday"???? Well its a nice trip put for you 😊

I'm sorry so many of you have had shit presents too, but they've really cheered me up! I left idiot dh home doing housework today and I had a lovely day with my mum and my daughter. I then came home and moaned at him a bit. Think the message is becoming clear!

I feel your pain I got feck all for my birthday but a card n last minute birthday cake the kids wanted me to have it's been a really tough year (cancer) An just thought he maybe of got something I even told him little inexpensive things I'd like but nope I had to buy them myself with Birthday money given by parents n sister although I never got to spend it fully on myself as soon as I put it in my bank it got taken straight on to direct debits he doesn't feel guilty about it it really upsets me I literally cry every Birthday it really hurts to be unthought of as I hate him not having anything to open on his birthday or Christmas

Are you sure he doesn't have a surprise lined up?

What did he get you for Christmas or last year's birthday?

I don't understand why some of the partners on here find it so bloody complicated. People's birthdays are the same day every year. It's not exactly a great shock that it comes round again. If your partner lives with you 24/7 then how does he not know what you like?

We have a limit for Christmas and birthday presents for each other of between £10-£50 depending how well off we feel. Every year for the last 30ish, DH has managed to get me something nice. I can't ever remember him screwing it up. He listens throughout the year and gets me stuff he knows I'll like. I'm not boasting or saying he's wonderful in every way, but it probably takes him a grand total of an hour of brain work over the year. It's a bit shit if a partner can't be arsed to spare that.

PPs who plan amazing things for their partners only to be treated like shit, I hope you don't bother again after the first time!

An ex boyfriend one time got me a present he thought I'd love. I was sure it was a ring I'd been admiring openly for ages (my mum offered to buy it for me I liked it so much, everyone knew I liked it)

Anyway, my birthday arrived and it turned out that my present wasn't the ring but a mobile one of his dodgy friends had stolen.

He was surprised I didn't want it and that I wouldn't take it. I'm surprised that wasn't the moment I broke up with him!