Is it unreasonable to have high expectations?

[EastMidsMumOf1]

My dh thinks Im a snob because I hate living in a shit area and having to send my dd to a shit school. I know kids dont care about these things and Im sure my dd will still have a equally happy childhood, but happiness doesn't conquer all. The school she is due to start in September has awful ofsted reports, none of the kids speak English(72% to be exact), there are students leaving every week and new ones starting as they are predominantly Roma Gypsy kids so always on the move and they only have an interim headteacher. I never chose the area I live in as I was in a hostel before hand so something was better than nothing, although it was never meant to be long term here I am after nearly 3 years stuck in a cess pit of an area and having to send my daughter to an equally cess pit-y school with the dregs of society. I just wanted better for her, is this so wrong and snobby?

Sorry, but have read this thread, and have to wade in.
I live in Derby, the same city as OP and am well aware of the 'local' problems OP faces on a daily basis. I am lucky - I live in one of those 'leafy areas of Derby' (yep they do exist). Both my DC went to over subscribed primary and secondary schools, but then I/they were lucky - we lived in the right catchment area. Subsequently both went on to good Universities etc.
I do know what OP is talking about - I work at a school that has Roma gypsy pupils, who have shall we say quite alternative lifestyles to our norm, though I have to say it doesn't make them dregs (I really feel this is a poorly chosen description of what you are trying to say) .
OP has done so well to get through all the horrendous personal issues she has had to deal with - and I think there is nothing wrong with wanting to increase your child's future chance of success.
I wish her well with trying to move out of an area that is obviously causing her huge concerns/distress.
Oh, and I certainly wouldn't want to live there either. But for the grace of god go I........

Suggesting is fine, Im open to suggestions and also the PPs who actually asked if it was do-able in my circumstances, not the ones who basically gave a 3 word post of, deal with it, get a job, leave the area and so on and so forth.
Cookie - your right there are nice areas in Derby, my mum lives in one of them too. Im glad you're aware of the problem areas, it really is something you have to see for yourself to truly understand the level of the problems.

My DH is causing a problem but in fairness this is the only thing hes ever really dug his heels in over.

strike I didn't mean it to come across as something great I had achieved. It wasn't. I meant that if I managed to afford it then on much lower income, op can now. And when I said I'd been there, I meant the mh issues and having gone through shitty experiences, so I'm not dismissing them at all.

Op, I think a move would improve your mh, current area is only exacerbating your past/ ongoing issues, and creating more with worry about your dd's future. Plus a move in itself would feel like a step forward in itself. Have you tried explaining to your dh with the focus on your mh and how the area really isn't helping?

See it is this kind of snobbery I just can't stand. You can do well anywhere if you try hard.

Nothing wrong with wanting to move up in the world but you shouldn't put others down to do it.

Im worried about my dd not having the amount of help she needs or not challenging her enough because the rest are already so far behind

That is one thing you do not need to worry about.

Schools in areas as you describe or with a lot of children arriving and leaving with variable levels of English are experts in differentiation.

No youre not unreasonable but its a recipe for discontent. Be proactive about changing it.

See it is this kind of snobbery I just can't stand. You can do well anywhere if you try hard.
Sorry but that BS about being able to do well anywhere is only happening in dreamland.
If it was people from poorer areas would do just as well as mc class ones. And they're not.

Sorry but that BS about being able to do well anywhere is only happening in dreamland.
If it was people from poorer areas would do just as well as mc class ones. And they're not.

Well I did it. And I think more people could if they had confidence in themselves. Of course the elite in society would hate that.

I have explained to him but he doesnt understand the different degree's of MH, you're either as mentally ill as his dbro or you're managing it. Technically Im "managing it" but not comfortably, this isnt how I want to feel for the rest of my life.
Sash - they may well be experts in other aspects but my concern is how my dd is going to be challenged to the best of her ability if everyone in her class is being taught at a complete different level. The ofsted report shows the outcome of pupils and how they are already not being challenged enough. I wish I personally knew a parent whose child attends/attended the same school so I could get their opinion as I know ofsted isnt the be all and end all.
Afraid - Im glad you were able to make the best of a bad situation but it doesn't mean everyone will or can. As pp also said regarding MC and LC, we would all be achieving the same if that was the case.

my sister teaches in a school similar to this and it gets bad ofsted ratings too the reasons for this is that 98%of rthe kids come from homes where English isnt spoken as a first language and most children dont understand English when they start school let alone speak it, there is a high turnover of pupils ,some parents take their children out of school for long periods so consequently the results are not great but thats not areflection of the teaching just the circumstances.

I really feel for you. I reiterate that you should speak with the teachers at school. Get activities from home school sites and read to and with your child. My kids attend a school many would not send their DC to. It's absolutely fine because I'm on top of my DC and their progress, both academically and socially. I've been pleasantly surprised how many parents have a mindset similar to mine. At this young age it's not so much about the money but about the time taken to nurture.

I am in the US and have found the free worksheets on greatschools.org are amazing. I put them in plastic pouches and have dry erasers. The worksheets are reused that way. Saves me a lot not having to pay for repeated printing. I also print them off on double sided paper this way.

Take a at Asda because Walmart here in the US has an excellent early years education section which is super cheap. I pay $1 for sets of flash cards.

Do keep your eye out for other parents who have a similar mind set to you. You want your DC hanging out with them so they have positive peer influence.

Check out readingeggs.com as well! My son loves it

Re Hypocrisy- I have lived in a hostel for the homeless and a shitty flat with rising damp and holes in the walls among other things. I still live in a council house but worked two

Jobs to get out of it and leave the area. I would have never referred to my neighbours as dregs when they were just as unfortunate as I was

If your dh grew up there it won't seem as bad to him; he'll have happy childhood memories which help him cope as a carer for his brother.
The town I grew up in sounds a bit like what you are living with. It doesn't seem as horrendous as it seems to my dh when we go back. Conversely, we now live where he grew up. We are a world away, I now see, from the horribleness you have but I don't really like it. Even though where I grew up is 100 times worse.
From his perspective you are "doing much better " than his poorly brother. Being a carer is tough. But he can't see how hard this is for you maybe because he is "wearing rose tinted glasses " to cope with his brother.

2xboys - thanks for giving me a different perspective, I hadnt thought of it in that way.
Want2 - we have a few of the preschool literacy and maths activity books, dd loves them and also has reading apps on her ipad, I will have a look in asda at the educational aisle when we next do the shopping.
She also used to use an app called EggyWords - not sure if its similar to reading eggs?
Sugar- not all my neighbours are dregs, the elderly man next door hates the kids just as much because his house is targeted by them aswell and Im pretty sure alot of the elderly neighbours have called them alot worse than "dregs", NDN refers to them as bastards so not far off.
Strike - its defintely a big part of his childhood, although hes nearly 30 he holds on to memories of when he was young quite closely, I guess its the only "happy moments" hes ever really had with his dbro. Dh is defintely looking at things with rose tinted glasses although hes said if dbro gets any worse hes going to get him admitted back onto the ward which tbh would benefit everyone inc. Dbro