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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not something I am proud of but would like truths from other mums...

163 replies

yourcarisnotadiscovery · 02/07/2017 18:57

I have been a single mum for 3 years and have a DS6. We have a very good relationship but sometimes, he doesn't do as he is told. He knows that 3rd time is when I will get cross and he knows I am never cross for long; (I let him know "the crossness is going" etc) then we have a chat about what happened. I warn as we get to 1st and 2nd warnings but sometimes by the 3rd, I have been known to say "for f**ks sake, I have asked you to stop"... not proud parenting moment. Has anyone else done this? I then apologise for swearing. feel bad. I have never just shouted or ever ever lashed out physically.

OP posts:
FloatyCat · 02/07/2017 18:59

No ive never said anything like that to the kids, as I definitely don't want them repeating it, but I have shouted at them for stuff like this.
I guess it's down to parenting style as to which approach you think is worse.

Angelicinnocent · 02/07/2017 19:00

Not when they were 6 but that sort of thing may have slipped out now they are older teens and know more swear words than meGrin

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/07/2017 19:01

You will get vastly differing responses. But a swear word, not shouted, to a kid that is young, is just a word. I know a mum who swears like a sailor (she was a kid in care, didn't have the greatest role models) but is loving, kind, caring and dedicated. Far more damaging to be screaming at children or rejecting them or hitting.

Have you tried any strategies to reduce the swearing?

araiwa · 02/07/2017 19:01

Shock horror mums (and dads too) are human people

PaulAnkaTheDog · 02/07/2017 19:02

Not something i have ever said. But hey, we slip up. Your system sounds pretty sound, I wouldn't fret too much.

Pollyanna9 · 02/07/2017 19:04

Shit happens (lol!!!) - but you do have to try and sort this out - find other words because your approach in general sounds really really good actually!!!! It's just a choice of language/controlling thing. Because he WILL pick it up.

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2017 19:05

I don't like swearing around children and try very hard to not do it. But I:d rather children heard, for example, "for fucks sake" in exasperation rather than something less sweary like "you little brat"

mummyretired · 02/07/2017 19:05

I didn't use the three warnings, just one - otherwise first warning means you're going to let them get away with it once more before you crack down! Single parent of two, may have used the F word on occasion but usually managed to substitute "For goodness' sake". Never swore at either (e.g. you f) only about things, and made sure they understood the difference.

The trouble with any expression of frustration with children is that they will copy it. DD used to say "Just so you know" in a really patronising tone she must have copied from me.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 02/07/2017 19:06

Yep, I have sworn, in the same circumstances and in the same way as you. I'd never call DS a rude name but I have said "just bloody well do it!" or possibly even a "for fucks sake!" I do think that, while it's not ideal behaviour, it's very different from calling him a little shit or something like that.

jarhead123 · 02/07/2017 19:06

Yes, I often do that. Again not proud, they know it's swearing and not to repeat it.

FATEdestiny · 02/07/2017 19:06

I don't swear around my children at all. Definitely not to them. I think that is unacceptable if I'm honest. And a bit chavvy.

My children (12, 11, 7 and 2) know they will hear swear words from peers. I am also not naive enough to think they'll not swear themselves. But they should always know never to swear in the presence of an adult. Even now, I would never swear in front of my mum. I hope for the same from my children

That said, I have lost it with my children. It happens, of course it does. My losing it just takes forms other than swearing.

fannydaggerz · 02/07/2017 19:07

I have done the exact same thing.

We're human!

Piratesandpants · 02/07/2017 19:08

No I haven't. But only probably because I'm not a single mum and when I reach the end of my tether hand over to my DH (and he does to me). Don't be too hard yourself, it must be very, very tough doing it all alone.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/07/2017 19:09

I'd rather use the word 'fuck' than 'chavvy'.

catgirl1976 · 02/07/2017 19:09

I haven't ever sworn at DS

I have sworn under my breath more times than I can count though. And the odd swear word might have slipped out whilst driving or dropping something on my foot or talking to DH.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 02/07/2017 19:10

You might notice, on MN people profess to never ever swear around children, but think nothing of dropping cunt casually into conversation.

I think they are economical with the truth.

FindoGask · 02/07/2017 19:12

You say yourself you have a very good relationship with your son. To me, that's what matters the most. Yes, ideally you wouldn't ever swear, but you're human as araiwa says, and some humans (me among them) drop an F-bomb from time to time when they're cross. It's really no big deal. You should be proud that you never shout - I wish I could say that!

FindoGask · 02/07/2017 19:13

"I'd rather use the word 'fuck' than 'chavvy'."

Amen sista!

Tinseleverywhere · 02/07/2017 19:15

Everyone gets cross sometimes, but you shouldn't get in the habit of using getting cross as a way of making him behave. Give at most one warning (maybe none if he definitely knows your rules) then if he doesn't stop discipline in a calm but firm manner.

Original poster
yourcarisnotadiscovery · 02/07/2017 19:16

thank you for all your responses - yes a good system until the epic fail at the end. I would never call him "effing something" or stupid or naughty - behaviour wrong not the child BUT i can't seem to stop the swearing. He seems to understand but I do want to stop it. It isn't every day though. Pleased I am not the only one with parenting fails but will try to address this one as I am rather ashamed of it

OP posts:
buckeejit · 02/07/2017 19:16

I frequently swear at fucking idiots when driving with dc in the car.

Try not to swear in front of them but have done a couple of times. Saying immediately 'I shouldn't have said that, it's a bad word, I'm sorry' etc at least shows a good example of admitting being wrong. Don't sweat it

squishysquirmy · 02/07/2017 19:18

I swear when I am repeatedly woken up in the middle of the night. I am not proud of it, but I am not 100% awake at the time, and I am the kind of person who has always loved their sleep! Toddler dd is a terrible sleeper, and will wake crying for me at 1am. I normally try to be sympathetic and patient despite being knackered, but when she will not settle again, thrashes around and kicks me for ages, and then just when I think she has settled, wakes up again I have been know to mutter the odd swear word. (For fucks sake please, please just go to sleep.)
I do think there is a big difference between swearing at children, and swearing in front of them though.

Original poster
yourcarisnotadiscovery · 02/07/2017 19:21

squishysqirmy surely that silent muttering then outloud: "yes darling, it's OK mummy's coming" (and silent sobs). Hope you have a good night tonight

OP posts:
NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 02/07/2017 19:21

I've had to turn for fucks sake into fox ache as I say it that often Blush
It's a miricle neither child has repeated my prefered phrase tbf.

Hidingtonothing · 02/07/2017 19:21

Swearing isn't really a big thing in our house, I don't think we swear excessively but it's not really censored as such either. DD knows it isn't something we do in 'polite company' and beyond that I really don't see why it matters so I would be firmly in the 'don't worry about it' camp OP Smile