Not something I am proud of but would like truths from other mums...

[yourcarisnotadiscovery]

I have been a single mum for 3 years and have a DS6. We have a very good relationship but sometimes, he doesn't do as he is told. He knows that 3rd time is when I will get cross and he knows I am never cross for long; (I let him know "the crossness is going" etc) then we have a chat about what happened. I warn as we get to 1st and 2nd warnings but sometimes by the 3rd, I have been known to say "for f**ks sake, I have asked you to stop"... not proud parenting moment. Has anyone else done this? I then apologise for swearing. feel bad. I have never just shouted or ever ever lashed out physically.

I've never got the point of continual swearing and never have except on the odd I have deliberately sworn for good effect. If swearing is just something that punctuates everyday speech why do it? I find that if I don't include swear words in my internal dialogue then they don't just pop out at times of stress or acute frustration. If you need an expletive use a word that's not regarded as unacceptable, it's just as effective.
Of the point, I know, but when I was a child growing up in NZ if someone swore within hearing of the police they could be arrested. Don't kno the situation in the UK. One just did not hear bad language everywhere.

Fwiw, i think it's better to swear than call a child a name such as 'you brat.' I think name calling is more damaging. I don't like swearing at all and can turn it off as am a teacher (!) and having a discussion / de brief is a very good strategy, especially if you acknowledge you were wrong to get so cross / swear.

How to talk to kids so they'll listen and how to listen so they'll talk is a really useful book. There's one for younger children too.

Children need to learn that swearing isn't big or clever or cool. That's why I swear in front of my daughter. Not often but often enough for her to realise uncool old people swear too

No, I have sometimes snapped and spoken in a tone of voice that I regret, but I would never swear at a child. Partly because I don't want them to ever learn to swear any anyone else (including me)!

I have learned a lot from articles on Hand in Hand Parenting, and can recommend this one on 'taming parent tantrums' which has some useful tips on calming the emotional storms within etc etc... ! www.handinhandparenting.org/article/taming-parent-tantrums-8-keys-quieting-storm/

Wurly

My son has heard me telling off the dog far too often, and once that has included say fuck sake DDog when she pooped on the floor!! 🙊thankfully he only repeated it once!
Don't be too hard on yourself you're doing a great job!

All about wider context.

If you shout "ffs" sometimes but the child is secure in the knowledge that you love them and are just cross about the particular disobedience and will not be cross anymore in 5 mins then it's fine. In fact healthy because they know they pushed too far and that you are a human with feelings.

If however you suddenly fly into a rage that lasts the rest of the day and perhaps beyond and you follow the swearing with abusive punishments such as shutting a scared child in a dark room or hitting them (mental or physical abuse) then it's terrible.

Just as swear words need context

E.g.
Oh fuck I burnt the toast
Or
YOU FUCKING CUNT

My brother and I both learned 'bugger' from my mum. She still refuses to admit this.

DP has just reminded me a couple of weeks ago, I was cooking and badly burnt my left hand and arm. He said even he had never heard of some of the words I used, followed about 10 minutes later when I burnt my right hand.

I remember when I was about 6/7/8 in primary school anyway and I said the word "GOD" at home and my dad heard it and he grabbed me and wanted to know where I heard that word.
He was very violent to my poor mum and he wanted me to say I heard her say it so he could hit her.
She didn't say it but he still hit her.
So I have never sworn in front of my daughter.

Children need to learn that swearing isn't big or clever or cool. That's why I swear in front of my daughter. Not often but often enough for her to realise uncool old people swear too

Genius!

I have definitely wailed "Oh for fuck's sake!" many many times.

Everyone swears, whether it be in the Their head, under their breath or out loud. No biggie

Single mum here and also of a DS6

I too have said "for fucks sake" before. Feel dreadful for it. BUT have never ever name called and never - not "stupid" not "brat" nothing like that.

I hate that I've said fuck in front of him sometimes.... but good grief, the boy drives me barmy on occasion!

My mum used to say fardels which is actually an old fashioned English word for shit! I also say for ffffox sake or feckin hell we are all only human x

I've done it plenty of times! My kids don't swear I'm lucky! I do hate it that I've lost my cool but sometimes it so bloody frustrating(especially if ur tired lol) don't worry yourself love is all you need!

I've done the same! Don't beat yourself up about it.

Oh goodness not an issue. Sometimes I feel FFS is my catchphrase. DD
now ten and I have never heard her swear so really did not have a long lasting impact. Would not worry.

No, not really

I sometimes swear on front of the kids but not at the kids with aggression IYKWIM

I sometimes get shoutey, but the content of the shouty isn't nasty

I apologise for both

I've never combined them though (not sure if that's any better??)

Oh forgive yourself op it's not ideal and you know that so try and learn from it but don't beat yourself up. We are all just trying our best and learning as we go.

Weirdly, I have sworn in utter exasperation around my own kids, but in my 15 years of working in schools (the last one in a PRU where I am periodically attacked, or spat on), I have never sworn around a child at work.

This tells me that I absolutely can control it!

dd1 has asthma, one night it was playing and I was worried it might worsen over night.

Next morning I said it was good that it hadn't got worse, dd1 said it had and she'd cone to tell me. I asked what had happened as I had no memory and apparently I'd sat up in bed looked at her and told her to" fuck off and go back to bed". I had absolutely no memory of this and thankfully dd1 at 12 found it highly amusing.

I have done that with my 4 year old a couple of times, not proud of it, but won't deny it either. I'm human. Luckly my daughter hasn't repeated anything I've said like that. We've talked about it, she knows they are bad words and mummy was naughty for saying them.

I've never swore at my kids and the eldest is 19. I just wouldnt do it. My mum and dad never swore at me, I would have been really shocked if they had.

my friend and her kids swear at each other all the time and whilst it inwardly makes me shudder, I'd never say anything as I believe in each to their own...she loves her kids, just like me but they all like to swear like troupers.