Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not something I am proud of but would like truths from other mums...

163 replies

yourcarisnotadiscovery · 02/07/2017 18:57

I have been a single mum for 3 years and have a DS6. We have a very good relationship but sometimes, he doesn't do as he is told. He knows that 3rd time is when I will get cross and he knows I am never cross for long; (I let him know "the crossness is going" etc) then we have a chat about what happened. I warn as we get to 1st and 2nd warnings but sometimes by the 3rd, I have been known to say "for f**ks sake, I have asked you to stop"... not proud parenting moment. Has anyone else done this? I then apologise for swearing. feel bad. I have never just shouted or ever ever lashed out physically.

OP posts:
wewentoutonsunday · 02/07/2017 20:52

*It's completely unacceptable.
*
Really? I mean, really???

They are just words. All words are loaded, of course; these words are socially unacceptable to many people in certain situations. But they are just words.

I swear regularly. Try not to; it just happens. I don't try too hard - why should I 'rein it in' when I am just expressing myself.

I chatted with my DC (7 and 5) the other day about it - I said they are just words like any other, but to use them AT sometime is not acceptable; to use them at school is also unacceptable. But they can make their own choice about whether they are 'bad' or not. And both DC agreed that they are bad!

Also agree with PP: I'd rather use swear words than 'chancy'.

WanderingTrolley1 · 02/07/2017 20:52

I don't swear and find it unacceptable, especially in the presence of children.

wewentoutonsunday · 02/07/2017 20:52

Ffs 'chavvy'

Plsstopsnoring411 · 02/07/2017 20:55

I like your warning system- and try to operate a similar system where I warn my son to curb the behaviour before I tell him off. Sometimes just the threat "would you like to get told off" is enough to stop it, it's very rare it ever gets that far! You sound very reasonable and sounds like you have a good relationship.
I'm pretty sure I've sworn before when I've really run out of steam and hit my limit, although actively I do try not to, but it was more more to myself than 'at' him. As others have said, saying 'FFS' in frustration is very different to actively calling HIM a swear word or name out of spite! I think you are being very hard on yourself, we all lose it sometimes and that comes out in different ways, I've seen mum's who break down and cry when they hit their limit as the kid still keeps hitting them peer the head with a tennis racquet which could have just as much of a negative effect but for different reasons!!!
If it makes you feel any better, and in better company- I was at the midwife the other day (ds2 due soon) and my son was being a right terror, he's usually an angel at appointments everyone comments and thinks he's adorable. Not that day! Anyway he was pushing and pushing and I was so stressed because the midwife was trying to tell if baby was breech, meanwhile he's deliberately smashing his cars on the floor to make noise and I just turned to him and said sternly "would you like to go and stand outside the door if you can't sit nicely??" - which is a 'normal' parenting threat from me. And when he shook his head but then kept making noise I said to him at the top of my voice "well sit down and SHUT UP then"- I was mortified!!! I've never ever told mine or any child to shut up! I'd never dream of it- I think it's rude phrase and certainly unnecessary wording for kids that age. I can't believe it came out of my mouth. The midwife looked at me like I'd just slapped him, I couldn't believe what had come out of my mouth!!!!! I actually apologised to him when we got back to the car, god knows what the MW thought of me as a parent. I'm still horrified a week later!!!! But the moral is- we all have our moments, in this case I was super stressed and I've no idea what came over me!! and what's normal for some will be shocking for others. Sometimes the situation just gets the better of you! Don't be so hard on yourself Smile

okilydokily · 02/07/2017 21:07

I frequently use "bloody hell". And "shut up", but said more in exasperation than anger. "Oh my God" as well. And "Christ!!", or "Jesus Christ". It isn't great. I should probably rein it in.

NormaSmuff · 02/07/2017 21:07

now they are older (youngest is 17) a sweary word might pass my lips, but not At them, unless Bloody counts

Voice0fReason · 02/07/2017 21:09

I never swore in front of them when they were younger, as older teens I don't worry but I never swear at them.

It really comes down to whether you are happy for your child to swear at you or at school. It's a lot harder to expect them not to when you have sworn at them.

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 02/07/2017 21:10

I have used the word 'bloody' in exasperation with my kids before as in 'just bloody-well do it!' (Homework, getting dressed, tidying up their rooms, getting out of the house are all triggers for the 'b' word)

I'd never use the 'f' word though as I would be absolutely mortified if any of them ever repeated it. Bloody doesn't seem so bad. My eldest (9) has picked up on it and I've just said 'yes, grown-ups do occasionally swear when they get cross, however children aren't allowed' 😁

FatLittleWombat · 02/07/2017 21:11

Swearing can happen, he won't be damaged by you saying ffs. Swearing at him, that would different. That would be unacceptable.
I'd say try and avoid swearing in his presence in future, but don't beat yourself up about it.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 02/07/2017 21:13

My DC is only 2 and a half, so there's still plenty of time I suppose, but ATM, if I ever swear around her, I generally do it under my breath. I'm sure she's heard me exclaim "oh fuck" in extreme circumstances though. Those circumstances didn't have anything to do with what she was doing though.

I say a lot of "goodness gracious" oh "my Lord" in the same tone as I used to say "fucking hell" pre-DC. Saying "for fucks sake stop doing that"... I don't know, it's not quite swearing AT him is it? But it's nearly there imo. I'd probably try to rein it in tbh. I'm not prudish about swearing otherwise. I just wouldn't want to get too close to swearing AT a child iyswim.

I think swearing about other things is probably ok around older dc, ("oh fuck I've dropped the eggs"), as long as they're sensible enough to know when swearing is ok and when it isn't, and assuming it isn't every other word.

My nephew is 7 and he doesn't even understand what the word sexy means Confused. Maybe he's young for his age, but based on him, I wouldn't trust a 6yo to know the difference between swearing at home and swearing at the teacher "for fucks sake Miss, not more homework" Grin.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 02/07/2017 21:14

The Confused face re my nephew is because of the time he used the word sexy around me and it was completely wrong and quite funny.

Busybusybust · 02/07/2017 21:23

Oh for goodness sake! We've all done this! Do not beat yourself up! My children are now 38' 36, 31 and 28. I adore them and they adore me!

But you must apologise if you are wrong.

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/07/2017 21:24

I'm not even a single mum and I certainly want to swear at them sometimes. I seem to have managed to substitute swear words when I talk to them, but other than that my interactions do sometimes fail to be as patient as I would prefer. I'm not perfect but I'm doing OK and it sounds like you are too OP.

I think the only real problem with swearing in front of your kids is that they may start to use swear words in situations you find unacceptable or embarrassing. Swear words are just words. It's always better to have control over the language you use, but it is just language so I think concern over it can be over rated. The question is, what message are you giving your DS? And it seems you have that handled well enough.

donajimena · 02/07/2017 21:31

I swear a lot Blush mine are teenagers now and I can hear them effing and jeffing with their friends.
What's important to me is to use it appropriately (I totally understand that for some thats its never appropriate)
For example: drop a brick on your finger? A good 'fuuuckk' is fine.
Waking up to a beautiful morning? What a fucking beautiful day! Not appropriate.

dotdotdotmustdash · 02/07/2017 21:38

I work in schools and sadly you can tell the children who have adults swearing around them regularly.

One 12yr boy was genuinely puzzled by the reaction when he released a torrent of racist abuse on another child - "but my Dad says that".

Original poster
yourcarisnotadiscovery · 02/07/2017 22:00

seems some do and some don't but would draw the line at swearing directly at a child. stopsnoring I think you were pushed beyond the limits and I think it's a similar thing. Language not as bad as mine though. Hope breech baby turns around soon and that baby's big brother stops pushing your buttons. I am glad i am not alone and I admire you hugely if you have never lost your rag and sworn in front of your children. Off for some sleep to help avoid this tomorrow morning

OP posts:
forfuckssakenet · 02/07/2017 22:11

*"I'd rather use the word 'fuck' than 'chavvy'."

Amen sista!*

^ my people 🤗

PollytheDolly · 02/07/2017 22:13

My parents hardly did when I was young. I remember once, I think I was 15, my DM was so cross at me she said "fuck". The only time in 45 years I've ever heard that from her. At the time I thought it was fucking hilarious. She denies it to this day.

Anyway, I swear a lot and it didn't come from them.

phoolani · 02/07/2017 22:25

I swear like a trooper., and do so around my children, though never 'at' them as part of name calling because I never call my children names. Ever. Having grown up being constantly called names but with no swearing I know which I prefer. Neither dc swear and both understand that whilst I don't think they are inherently bad words, lots of people do and so they shouldn't use them in general.

SemiNormal · 02/07/2017 22:30

I work in schools and sadly you can tell the children who have adults swearing around them regularly

One 12yr boy was genuinely puzzled by the reaction when he released a torrent of racist abuse on another child - "but my Dad says that"

Swearing is one thing, racial abuse is another.

Very curious as to know how you can 'tell' which children have parents who swear? Hmm

dotdotdotmustdash · 02/07/2017 22:36

Very curious as to know how you can 'tell' which children have parents who swear? hmm

Sixth sense? Partly. Mainly because they use the language so comfortably and have siblings who do the same. Often because they tell you. Other children don't swear at all and look uncomfortable when others around them do. It's not 100% foolproof, but it's pretty reliable.

phoolani · 02/07/2017 22:37

Ha ha. You would never guess in a million years that I swear around my children. Unless of course you're one of the staff members I'm friends with.

SashaSashays · 02/07/2017 22:45

I swear around my children quite a lot, very rarely a them, but at least twice a day around them. I'm so clumsy its hard not to.

My parents swore, and actually still do, like absolute dockers and although as an adult I swear around them it hasn't meant I'm effing and jeffing every other word or can't hold a conversation around swearing.

DCs school is very strict on swearing, I know as my neighbour is a teacher there, and mine have never been in trouble for it.

TBH I think using words like fat, stupid or smelly cause people much more offence and long term hurt than telling them they're a dickhead anyway.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 02/07/2017 22:49

Yanbu Blush

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 02/07/2017 22:51

I work in schools and sadly you can tell the children who have adults swearing around them regularly

I do not agree . I am ashamed of my potty mouth and I know it's not good or clever . But my kids know they are NOT to repeat at school . With friends or with family . And they don't

Swipe left for the next trending thread