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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not something I am proud of but would like truths from other mums...

163 replies

yourcarisnotadiscovery · 02/07/2017 18:57

I have been a single mum for 3 years and have a DS6. We have a very good relationship but sometimes, he doesn't do as he is told. He knows that 3rd time is when I will get cross and he knows I am never cross for long; (I let him know "the crossness is going" etc) then we have a chat about what happened. I warn as we get to 1st and 2nd warnings but sometimes by the 3rd, I have been known to say "for f**ks sake, I have asked you to stop"... not proud parenting moment. Has anyone else done this? I then apologise for swearing. feel bad. I have never just shouted or ever ever lashed out physically.

OP posts:
BatFacedGirl · 03/07/2017 18:53

Never sworn at my kids and never sworn in front of them - unless you count the odd 'bloody.' And I'm a parent of almost 19 years standing. I'm not a perfect parent but it's something I feel strongly about. I've managed to get cross over the years without telling them to fuck off. I do judge parents who do it and no amount of potential flaming will change my view point on that

I'm pretty sure you could rein yourself in if you tried. And yes, I can always spot the kids whose parents swear around them.

littlebird7 · 03/07/2017 19:23

We have all done things we are not proud of, just try harder not to swear next time, and strive to be the best you can be, we all have things we need to improve on. Least of all if you don't swear, you will no longer feel guilty or like a rubbish parent, so it is in your interest to stop. You will feel much better for dealing things in a more controlled way.

littlebird7 · 03/07/2017 19:27

PS I am not keen on my children hanging out with swearing kids and parents, I definitely don't want my children copying or being around that kind of aggression. So it could potentially isolate your children if there are people around you that are uncomfortable with it and will stop their children seeing yours, that will be sad and confusing for your little ones (even if your friends/other parents don't openly tell you so) It is easier just not to swear.

Writermom22 · 03/07/2017 19:33

It's normal. Don't sweat the small stuff. You are doing the parenting of two people, you are doing great. X

Ohb0llocks · 03/07/2017 19:45

It happens. It's just a word.

NC4now · 03/07/2017 19:49

Yeah, it's not great but it's not the end of the world. For some reason, we say 'oh for crying out loud' - think it's my mum's influence. I've been a single mum too, and remember the feeling well.

mortificado · 03/07/2017 20:00

I've said ffs loads. Sometimes most than I should of.
They get the drift then Wink

Bobbi73 · 03/07/2017 20:24

I don't swear at my kids as I trained myself out of it when my eldest was small but I shout more than I should.
Swearing is not great but far less damaging than calling them stupid or something. (FIL once called my son a stupid boy when he'd misbehaved. We had words!)

eulmh · 03/07/2017 20:28

Not directly to him as my son can be a bit naughty and would definitely latch on it but once when I was driving I said what the f....g hell. That was two years ago when he was 3. He has been known to occasionally get in his toy car beep tje horn and say what that!!!!!

EC22 · 03/07/2017 20:33

No, never.
I've sworn if I've hurt myself when they're in the vicinity by accident but id never swear at them. I hate to hear children being sworn at too. My older children are teens and I wouldn't swear at them either.

Original poster
yourcarisnotadiscovery · 03/07/2017 20:34

I can't quite believe this is still going. This morning, I managed a "for goodness sake" after milk went everywhere - progress but also has been said in the past as opposed to what I have admitted to. I know some of you have understood but some perhaps not - I have never ever sworn at him or called him names (stupid or effing xx) just the occasional ffs when exasperated. 1mouse2 it seems you are not alone ... and yes, I apologise afterwards; he knows it is rude and would never say it Nerdymum same!

OP posts:
Eggplantsundays · 03/07/2017 20:35

I've never sworn at my children. But I've sworn in front of them. Not proud of this, but we all have our limits.Blush

Gillian1980 · 03/07/2017 20:39

A very frequent phrase in our house is "for fucks sake". Dd is nearly 2 and just starting to talk properly so we are trying to break the habit.... it just slips out!

Not sworn AT her and hope I wouldn't. Though I'm only human and guess it could happen if I was upset.

In the scheme of things, a very rare swear is not the worst parenting crime.

Grilledaubergines · 03/07/2017 20:39

I swear in the company of, but not at, my DC. Neither swear. Neither bothered my my swearing. I do swear a fair bit, not because I'm an angry, common person but just because it's part of my vocab.

Sushi123 · 03/07/2017 20:41

I'm with grilledaubergines

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 03/07/2017 20:48

I'm Scottish, so it's hard to not tell the wee bawnags that If they don't do as I've said by the time I've counted to 5, there's gonna be a murder!

Not really I don't swear at my kids and try not to swear around them, it's bloody hard work tho when the little shits don't answer and I'm talking to a brick wall!

Then when I do get an answer we get the whole dramatic one word answer....

"what"

Angry
teal125 · 03/07/2017 21:04
  1. You are human.
2 you seem to have good insight.
  1. You have a good relationship normally
  2. You are a single mum so presumablybunder more pressure at times
  3. Be kind to yourself - you are doing your best and I am pretty sure your son will be fine whether you swear in anger on the odd occasion or not
TheNiffler · 03/07/2017 21:11

I really can't get het up about swearing, we've always sworn in front of the children. They grew up knowing they were not words that children use, and it certainly took away the shock value of hearing them in the playground. They simply didn't care. As adults, they both swear, not a lot, but then we don't swear constantly.

There are far more important things to worry about, like teaching your child to be kind with their words, and towards other people.

Purplealienpuke · 03/07/2017 21:30

Fatedestiny fyi a 'chavvy' is a child in Romany gypsy.
I do swear, it's part of my vocabulary. I try and remember to say goodness me or gods sake but tbh I don't remember often. That doesn't make me a bad person or a 'chavvy (😂😂😂😂😂😂)' I'm just me.

MeandT · 03/07/2017 22:08

We started a swear box when DS was tiny. It sorted out my casual swearing habit at 50p a pop, and it gives me a lot of pleasure now that my parents (who like to think they are holier than thou) are now the worst offenders around the kids! No, what you did is not the end of the world, but if it slips out more than you would like, paying up helps 😉 Pay it into their savings account if you want to be extra saintly!!!

caringcarer · 03/07/2017 23:05

We all lose our temper occasionally but he is 6 so goes to school. If he were to repeat that there he would be punished and honestly I would not be encouraging my child to be friendly with him in case he copied too. It would embarrass me if my young child started swearing. How would you feel if your child copied you?

Holly12345 · 03/07/2017 23:15

Gosh i was expecting you to say something horrific, i always end up saying it in fact i literally just did before reading this as its bloody quarter past 11 and he keeps coming in saying annoying things about what toys he wishes he had?? My mum swore like a trooper i knew not to repeat a single word or i would be in big trouble , dont worry anyone who doesNt lose their temper and say similar is some sort of robot drone .

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 03/07/2017 23:16

Fucksake is said a lot by me

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 03/07/2017 23:20

@caringcarer you do realise they will hear all kinds of swearing words come senior school it's where I heard c word and all kinds.

sprinklemonkey · 03/07/2017 23:34

i am a single parent and sometimes swear in front of my kid in exasperation! but it's only done when i reach the very end of my temper and not willy nilly all day long.

DS knows they are words only grown ups are allowed to use and has never ever repeated them and continues to be a polite well behaved kid.

My own parents went out of their way to censor swearing around me and my sister and I think it instilled a strange veil around the world, almost making me shyer in a way and I refused to swear until I reached about 20 years old, to the huge amusement of my peers at school...!

I know my child is only a child, but it's part of life, I agree with protecting them but life isn't about just wrapping everything up in cotton wool. If you model good behaviour as far as you can the odd swear is absolutely fine, provided it's not directed at them in a name calling way or done over-regularly. I think it also helps them to understand the severity of the situation if it's something done only occasionally...

So forgive yourself, you are human, it's not going to kill them. It helps relieve your own stress too a bit!! Just don't make a big habit of it!