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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not something I am proud of but would like truths from other mums...

163 replies

yourcarisnotadiscovery · 02/07/2017 18:57

I have been a single mum for 3 years and have a DS6. We have a very good relationship but sometimes, he doesn't do as he is told. He knows that 3rd time is when I will get cross and he knows I am never cross for long; (I let him know "the crossness is going" etc) then we have a chat about what happened. I warn as we get to 1st and 2nd warnings but sometimes by the 3rd, I have been known to say "for f**ks sake, I have asked you to stop"... not proud parenting moment. Has anyone else done this? I then apologise for swearing. feel bad. I have never just shouted or ever ever lashed out physically.

OP posts:

PratStick · 02/07/2017 20:04

I swear. My children have a wide and varied vocabulary.

Toysaurus · 02/07/2017 20:04

Yes I've said for fucks sake in this context too. But being a single parent of two children around the clock day in day out, week in week out it gets a bit tiring. There is literally no one to take over and it's hard.

My children know they are loved and that I have endless patience with their autism. But sometimes it is for fucks sake.

megletthesecond · 02/07/2017 20:05

It's not mary poppins parenting but as another lone parent it's understandable and not the end of the world .

I don't swear in front of mine. Instead they've picked up "for CHRIST'S SAKE! ". It goes down especially well at a C of E school .

Boggisbunceandbean · 02/07/2017 20:07

God yes I've done that. Not always loudly but loudly enough for my 3 year old to copy! Won't do them any harm I'm sure and doesn't mean I love them any less/an in any way a crap mother.

BlurryFace · 02/07/2017 20:08

I have definitely let out a "fucking hell nooo" or five, usually when I discover something horrible - like today when I popped my head round the door to see 3yo DS1 scooping his piss out of the potty with his toy teapot and pouring it into his cup. I also swear like a trooper when I'm cooking - I'm not that bad at cooking but I always seem to drop everything and panic about the timings.

AngelaKardashian · 02/07/2017 20:08

Yes, I have done this a number of times. Not something I'm proud of but I'm sure it can't be the worst thing in the world.

BoraThirch · 02/07/2017 20:09

I don't say fuck but I do occasionally say "bloody hell" in the same circumstances. Consequently DS thinks "bloody" is the worst swear word there is

Original poster

yourcarisnotadiscovery · 02/07/2017 20:15

my mum used to say "bugger" loads and surely that's worse (it's illegal in some places)

OP posts:

INeedANameChange · 02/07/2017 20:21

No, I've never done that. It's completely unacceptable.

Purplemac · 02/07/2017 20:21

I've done it once or twice but certainly not more than that. I try not to swear infront of DSD(7) at all. She was told off last year at school for swearing on the playground and I found it difficult to explain why grownups can say it but she can't, so she now has permission to tell me and DH off if she hears us swearing and it has certainly made a difference!

Binkybix · 02/07/2017 20:26

I've done it in anger. I say sorry afterwards.

I once said oh fuck when I dropped something really heavy on my toe. I picked DS up for a cuddle because he didn't like seeing me in pain. I will never forget the tiny, cute voice of a one year old repeating 'oh fuck' in my ear a number of times

MaQueen · 02/07/2017 20:27

Hmmm, I really dislike swearing around young children, and hand on heart I never swore in front of our DDs (now young teenagers) until very, very recently.

Our DDs have never sworn in front of us (yet) though obviously they do with their friends etc. DH rarely swears anyway, to be honest.

But, we have friends who have always sworn in front of their DCs and it doesn't seem to have caused any issues.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/07/2017 20:28

but why is swearing wrong? I don't get why you apologise for swearing ... unless it's directed at them as opposed to just used in front of them? Because in my example I was swearing AT other drivers.

Allthewaves · 02/07/2017 20:31

Mines 'for the love of god/goodness', dh would say ffs. We are human, we get frustrated

Mulledwine1 · 02/07/2017 20:32

You might notice, on MN people profess to never ever swear around children, but think nothing of dropping cunt casually into conversation

Yes, for some reason it's not acceptable to swear when you are in a real tizz about something, but it is perfectly acceptable to use an extremely offensive and derogatory term for a part of a woman's anatomy, which men on Twitter use as a threatening term of abuse - when you're writing something, have time to reflect and by definition are not in the same sort of tizz that you might be in if your child has eg dropped something on your foot.

It is ok to swear when you are in the heat of a moment but it is not ok to swear AT your kids - or, indeed, anyone. I am sure that if you really try you can use a different word though. Clucking bell might work, to quote Blackadder.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 02/07/2017 20:33

You're being quite hard on yourself.
Something that's worked well for me is to warn of a consequence that I will actually follow through on. For us, it's putting their favourite thing in the shed. (Teddy or blanket, for 5 minutes only, it's enough to freak them out big time, and I have no problem with them feeling that pain at all.)
Kids are 8 and 6.
Ie "If you do that again, teddy goes in the shed. It's your choice."

RedStripeIassie · 02/07/2017 20:36

So much that my dd used to mimic me even the way I said it like 'for fucks SAKE' and 'fucking HELLLL' I curbed and she stopped after a while. It happens and it's better than getting frustrated and giving them a slap which I'd never do.

StrangeLookingParasite · 02/07/2017 20:41

I would try to substitute 'for Heaven's/goodness sake' for the sake of not swearing and maybe 'jolly well' whatever. If you get into the habit it makes it easier.

That's possibly a bit on the twee side of things for me. I don't actually have a problem at all with swearing, in the correct context, something I've always said to my son. For example, hit your thumb with a hammer? Go nuts, say whatever you like, because in that context, its appropriate. Slotted into your normal conversation every second word makes you sound illiterate, and lacking in imagination. I actually quite like swearing, as a means of emphasis, a bit like salt in food. Too much is revolting, but a bit here and there works very well.

He still tells me off for using trop de mots grossiers.

DJBaggySmalls · 02/07/2017 20:41

There is a world of difference between saying something in front of the kids and saying something to them.
Dont sweat it. Do not try to be a perfect parent because there's no such thing. Kids need to see we are human, make mistakes, and how we deal with them.

We have no banned words in our home. When the DC's learned a new one at school they knew they could come home and ask what it meant, then decide if they wanted to add it to their vocabulary or not.

StrangeLookingParasite · 02/07/2017 20:42

Clucking bell might work, to quote Blackadder.

The sister of a friend uses 'bucket of pitch'.

Vicky1990 · 02/07/2017 20:43

Do not swear in front of your child, as a parent you are the one he will learn from,
Try love , kind words and a cuddle, it worked for me and is less stressful for you both.

Raaaaaah · 02/07/2017 20:44

I have on more than one occasion. My Mum has been to stay over the weekend (she never swore around us though did get very angry) and told me that our DS had been swearing. I feared the worse and asked what he had said. He had only said "ruddy" . My Mum was horrified.

I think that you are being really tough on yourself.

Deathbycupcake · 02/07/2017 20:45

Buckeejit :

Saying immediately 'I shouldn't have said that, it's a bad word, I'm sorry' etc at least shows a good example of admitting being wrong. Don't sweat it

^^ this is very good a good point. Ok maybe it's not an ideal reaction but it happens it's how you deal with the moments after that count too. I'm a single mum too and my boy is only 6 months so I haven't got to that stage yet!!! It's hard and we do a bloody good job most of the time!!! I wouldn't worry too much - if your relationship is good with him then that's the thing that counts x

PratStick · 02/07/2017 20:46

If you do that again, teddy goes in the shed. It's your choice

That's some evil genius level shit. Give your kids something interesting to tell the therapist I always say.

PratStick · 02/07/2017 20:46

Is ruddy a swear?

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