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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my DH BU for making the neighbour wash his dog's piss off our car?

385 replies

Worriedaboutsmear · 02/07/2017 13:03

We have a neighbour about 4 doors away who has several dogs and is often seen walking past our house taking his dogs out. He's never spoken to us since we moved here 3 years ago, never smiled back, and if we are outside when he is walking past, he looks at the pavement. He does seem to talk to some of the other neighbours

A few weeks ago both DH and I were at home during the day, when said neighbour walked one of his dogs past. We just happened to be looking out the front window (as you do when you notice someone walking past), when we saw the dog lifting his leg and pissing against one of our rear car wheels and the bottom part of the bumper . The neighbour didn't seem to make any attempt to tug at his collar, he just carried on looking at the pavement, and so the dog carried on until he was finished. The neighbour then proceeded to carry on with his walk.

DH's instant reaction was to knock on the window to stop the neighbour from walking on, and gestured to him (like a "what are you doing" kind of gesture), he then went outside while I stayed inside.

I saw them have a few words, which was DH pointing at the car and not looking very happy, the neighbour appeared to be shrugging but apologising, and then went back to the direction of his house.

DH came back in and said that he politely asked him to make sure his dog doesn't do his business on our car again and that he wants it washing off. I'm not as assertive as DH so I told him that it wasn't necesssary to get him to wash it off, as long as he tries to not let his dog do it again, but DH's view was that if he was someone that actually acknowledged us from time to time rather than ignoring our existence then he would've taken that view, but why should we when he clearly doesn't like us etc etc

The neighbour appeared about 2 mins later just with his wife now and a bucket and brush.
Whilst washing it off they didn't look up.

Ever since then, the neighbour has gone from not much acknowledging us, to now grimacing at us, staring across at our house when he walks past, and furthermore, making a point of crossing the road just before he gets to our house and then crossing back to this side once past our house.

Could I kindly just ask for the general consensus of who WBU here, should my DH not have said anything and/or not asked him to wash it off? I said to my DH that maybe he felt humiliated but DH said that it's arrogant of him to think his dog can piss where ever he likes and not accept the consequences if it's against someone else's personal property.

OP posts:
Imamouseduh · 02/07/2017 15:12

Do you eat your dinner off your car wheels? Your husband sounds like a control freak and a dick.

Gemini69 · 02/07/2017 15:12

hahahaaaaaaaaa sorry it's too funny...

LakieLady · 02/07/2017 15:13

*What would peoples opinions have been if instead of dog piss, the dog owner had let his dog leave a nice turd on someone elses drive ?

Would the OPs DH have been unreasonable to ask or insist they clean it up then ?*

No, because turds don't evaporate.

Stopnamechanging · 02/07/2017 15:15

My neighbour has six cats, they have dug up my peonies and used my front flower bed as one big litter tray.

It seriously upsets me, I have to clean all the poo out and the smell is unbearable in the heat.

I will not say anything though as I like my neighbours, I don't want to fall out with them and I know that my son plays his music too loud despite me nagging him not to. Give and take.

It's not worth a fall out.

RoseVase2010 · 02/07/2017 15:17

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Have you ever been to the countryside?!

reallyanotherone · 02/07/2017 15:21

Dog piss is not "extremely caustic"!

Or I'd be wearing ppe to clean up my puppy's accidents, and I'd have pee burning holes in the laminate.

It is ph6.5, neutral, if it is acidic or alkaline the dog has a kidney issue and will need a vet fairly quickly.

It's the same as human wee, mainly water with a few products of excretion. It is not going to burn off your car tyres..

Normal rain has about a ph of 5, for comparison. So the dog pee is washing of the more acidic rain water..

PossumInAPearTree · 02/07/2017 15:22

Does your dh realise that the neighbourhood cats probably wee up the car every night?

Amanduh · 02/07/2017 15:24

So your neighbour let his dog walk up your drive and stood there whilst it pissed all over your car. Your DH said please don't do that again, wash it off, so the neighbour did.
Your DH was being perfectly reasonable. Don't see how that makes him a bully at all.

NellieBuff · 02/07/2017 15:26

Have you ever thought your neighbour might have mental health issues? Or is very very shy. Shame on you and your husband as you both sound like eejits and I would now avoid you like the plague.

It would have been fine to ask your neighbour not to allow his dog to widdle against your car but to make him wash it off - shame on you and your husband. And dog widdle on your car is hardly the crime of the century

MayDupp · 02/07/2017 15:28

I'd be horrified if anyone mindlessly allowed their dog to piss on my car. It's disgusting. And yes, I'd have made them wash it off too.

user1497357411 · 02/07/2017 15:28

so it went up your drive and pissed on your car? So rude of the owner not to pull the dog away! I would like to know if those who said that your husband overreacted have pets of their own, because that would explain a lot.

Stopnamechanging · 02/07/2017 15:33

He is a bully because he said that if the neighbour had smiled at him previously, then he would not have said anything.

So, it's not really about a bit of dog wee.

The neighbour now crosses the road when he gets to his house. Sounds as if it all worked then, go alpha male.

NellieBuff · 02/07/2017 15:35

user1497357411 No I don't have pets (hardly relevant) and am plagued with a neighbour's two dogs but since I am not a bully I would never make someone wash widdle off a car.

StickThatInYourPipe · 02/07/2017 15:38

Did the owner have his dog on a lead? If so I'm assuming if he was walking along the road it was a shortish lead to prevent going into the road etc. In that instance I would find it hard to believe the dog was able to get 'quite far' up your driveway to piss against your car without the neighbour walking up there too Hmm

I agree with posters that say they think you DH only reacted this way because he doesn't like the neighbour. Also you basically said that was true anyway. I think he's a bit of a bully too and also don't believe the car was parked far up the drive

WeAllHaveWings · 02/07/2017 15:39

I wouldn't let my dog piss on anyone's car or garden, fence, gate or wall. Why would you? If he looks interested or tries to a quick "not yet" and a gentle tug moves him along.

Your NDN is BVU to allow his dog to pee on your car, your dh is NBU to tell him its not on and ask him to rectify the situation (a bucket of water thrown at the area would have been sufficient). Your dh would BU if he was rude or aggressive towards the neighbour, but he wasn't.

if someone asked me to wash piss off a car parked at a kerb I'm afraid I'd laugh at them

says more about you than them to be honest.

StickThatInYourPipe · 02/07/2017 15:42

Your dh would BU if he was rude or aggressive towards the neighbour, but he wasn't

Do you actually believe that? The OP said he was outside not looking very happy and pointing etc, and that he doesn't like the neighbour. That does t sound to me like he 'nicely asked him to wash it off' as he told the OP

Original poster
Worriedaboutsmear · 02/07/2017 15:45

Wow I didn't expect such divisive responses!

I think when I see i his wife I will make a beeline so that she knows there's no hard feelings

As I've said, we have always tried to be good neighbours and friendly wherever possible, we are not horrible people, and whilst you might think my DH is a bully, there's ways of delivering messages diplomatically, which he did. Don't assume he was effing and blinding and pumping his chest, as that's not who he is. He does however like I said, stand up for what's right, and in our book, if you are somebody's neighbour then I don't think it's very neighbourly to blank them for 3 years (but talk to everybody else) and then not care if your dog goes up their drive to urinate on their car. I think on the neighbourly scale, that's not exactly great and doesn't exactly lend itself to peaceful outcomes in situations like this. Would he allow his dog to go up NDN's drive and do the same (who he's always chatting to)? No, he wouldn't.

And I don't think he's feeling very intimated given he's deliberately staring at the house as he's walking past and passively aggressively walking on the other side of the road to prove a point.

So thank you for your responses, I will encourage DH to strike up a conversation with him (which will involve crossing the road to get to him) to put it to bed

OP posts:
MadMags · 02/07/2017 15:47

Well he did care. Because he apologised.

But that wasn't enough for your dh, simply because the man doesn't chat on his way past.

rwalker · 02/07/2017 15:47

no he was not bu the dog owner could of quite easily moved the dog on ,but instead let him piss on your car .Dog piss can be acidic and discolour paint work and alloy wheels .Why would you let your dog piss on someones car on there drive how rude . Perhaps the people who think this is ok would like to invite his dog in to shit in there lounge.

zombiesarecoming · 02/07/2017 15:51

stopnamechanging yes there is a difference between a tent and a car

Principle is still the same though, why is it some dog owners think it acceptable for there dog to piss up other people's property without any form of acknowledgement, apology or offer to clean it up

IrritatedUser1960 · 02/07/2017 15:52

Quite honestly I think your neighbour has taken a dislike to you for whatever reason and was seeing how far he could go. If you had let him get away with it would have led to full on bullying.
If I think that is going to happen I stamp on it straight away.

StickThatInYourPipe · 02/07/2017 15:54

zombies but he did apologise. And even the OP said her DH wouldn't have asked him to humiliate himself if he liked the bloke.

NoBetterName · 02/07/2017 15:54

How can walking on the other side of the road be passive-aggressive? Confused

WorraLiberty · 02/07/2017 15:55

and in our book, if you are somebody's neighbour then I don't think it's very neighbourly to blank them for 3 years (but talk to everybody else)

Yes but he obviously doesn't like you, so why wouldn't he blank you?

You don't have a god given right to be acknowledged by everyone. They obviously have their own reasons for talking to others, but not to you two.

Stopnamechanging · 02/07/2017 15:57

And they are friendly with all the other neighbours. Always two sides to a story.

I still can't believe that the man was ordered to wash it off, he had already apologised and yet he is the bully Confused