Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my DH BU for making the neighbour wash his dog's piss off our car?

385 replies

Worriedaboutsmear · 02/07/2017 13:03

We have a neighbour about 4 doors away who has several dogs and is often seen walking past our house taking his dogs out. He's never spoken to us since we moved here 3 years ago, never smiled back, and if we are outside when he is walking past, he looks at the pavement. He does seem to talk to some of the other neighbours

A few weeks ago both DH and I were at home during the day, when said neighbour walked one of his dogs past. We just happened to be looking out the front window (as you do when you notice someone walking past), when we saw the dog lifting his leg and pissing against one of our rear car wheels and the bottom part of the bumper . The neighbour didn't seem to make any attempt to tug at his collar, he just carried on looking at the pavement, and so the dog carried on until he was finished. The neighbour then proceeded to carry on with his walk.

DH's instant reaction was to knock on the window to stop the neighbour from walking on, and gestured to him (like a "what are you doing" kind of gesture), he then went outside while I stayed inside.

I saw them have a few words, which was DH pointing at the car and not looking very happy, the neighbour appeared to be shrugging but apologising, and then went back to the direction of his house.

DH came back in and said that he politely asked him to make sure his dog doesn't do his business on our car again and that he wants it washing off. I'm not as assertive as DH so I told him that it wasn't necesssary to get him to wash it off, as long as he tries to not let his dog do it again, but DH's view was that if he was someone that actually acknowledged us from time to time rather than ignoring our existence then he would've taken that view, but why should we when he clearly doesn't like us etc etc

The neighbour appeared about 2 mins later just with his wife now and a bucket and brush.
Whilst washing it off they didn't look up.

Ever since then, the neighbour has gone from not much acknowledging us, to now grimacing at us, staring across at our house when he walks past, and furthermore, making a point of crossing the road just before he gets to our house and then crossing back to this side once past our house.

Could I kindly just ask for the general consensus of who WBU here, should my DH not have said anything and/or not asked him to wash it off? I said to my DH that maybe he felt humiliated but DH said that it's arrogant of him to think his dog can piss where ever he likes and not accept the consequences if it's against someone else's personal property.

OP posts:
IloveBanff · 02/07/2017 14:24

MiaowTheCat it was on the drive.

PeaFaceMcgee · 02/07/2017 14:24

I think he brought his wife to make the DH look bad. Passive aggressive "See everyone what this awful man is making me and my wife do!"

IloveBanff · 02/07/2017 14:26

PeaFaceMcgee you just made that up.

darbyshaw · 02/07/2017 14:26

The fact that the car was in the drive make it okay to have said something to the owner but making him wash it off does rather make your DH seem a bit of a knob. It sounds like he really just wants to have a go at a neighbour he doesn't like which is really childish.

PeaFaceMcgee · 02/07/2017 14:32

Erm, obviously Banff !! You can tell by the fact I said "I think..."

Onemorewonthurt · 02/07/2017 14:33

Of course he wasn't BU! It's one thing the dog attempting to piss on your property and the owner pulling it along, however to stand there and allow the dog to finish is completely disrespectful!

I totally agree they'll be all sorts on the tyres from driving around but that doesn't make it acceptable at all! People don't spend money on buying and maintaining vehicles for them to be used as toilets Hmm

OP your DH definitely did the right thing, it would've been your front door next, the cheeky fuck!

FoxSticks · 02/07/2017 14:33

Letting your dog wander half way up someone else's drive and piss on their car is hardly good for neighbourly relations either! If I had witnessed this I'd think the neighbour was the knob for having such disregard for someone else's property.

Anditstartsagain · 02/07/2017 14:35

A 3 year old peed on my car in a car park recently announced he was having a quick pee while his dad strapped the baby in and peed on my car having had a small boy I laughed but his dad was mortified and offered to go get bottles of water to clean it. I think I would be the same.

Watching your dog pee in someone's car is just not on at all.

IloveBanff · 02/07/2017 14:39

PeaFaceMcgee, yes I realised that approx 1/10 of a second after I'd pressed post. Blush

Squarerouteofsquirrel · 02/07/2017 14:41

I think he probably took his wife, because he went home explained what had happened and his wife in an effort to maintain neighbourly relations went back to wash it off with him.

Your husband sounds like a bully, I totally get that the dog shouldn't be on your drive peeing on your car, but an apology and don't do it again would suffice.

The offending bloke and wife seem okayish from the limited amount of info available, if they as ignorant and unpleasant as your husband (the popular guy) is inferring they would have just told him to fuck off and not bothered cleaning up after the dog.

There's any number of reasons why the bloke has not took your husband on in the past, that do not automatically make him a bad guy. And If your husband has such great social skills he could have actually used the dog piss incident as a way of opening up some kind of dialogue with him and getting to know him, instead of using it as an opportunity to assert his authority with someone he'd already decided he didn't like.

Brittbugs80 · 02/07/2017 14:44

For all you know, a dog could piss up your car anywhere any time and you wouldn't necessarily know about.

Yanbu asking not to let the dog wee on your car but tabu for making him clean it off.

What your DH have done if he hadn't?

IloveBanff · 02/07/2017 14:49

I agree with all your post Squarerouteofsquirrel

If the shrugging meant he didn't care he wouldn't have come back to wash it off, so IMO it's more likely that the neighbour finds social interactions and confrontation difficult. A lot of people keep themselves to themselves without that meaning that they have any dislike of other people at all. Everyone's different.

zombiesarecoming · 02/07/2017 14:50

Your DH can come and work with me if he wants OP

The number of times twatish dog owners seem to think it's ok for there dog to piss up the tents and awnings I have up on display at shows on a weekend amazes me and if either me or my DW see them we make the owners wash it off, can guarantee there's always one we miss until we find the stain or put our hands in it while packing it away at the end of the weekend

I guess for everyone who thinks it's acceptable you will be only too happy to pay for the £500 tent or awning your dog has pissed up that no one else will now want because it covered in dog piss

MissionItsPossible · 02/07/2017 14:55

I was going to say your husband was BU but the fact the car was on your drive I now think he wasn't. If it was quite a way up the drive then what was the neighbour even doing on your property anyway (or is it a shared drive)? Can't believe the neighbour actually washed it off! If someone had a go at me for the same thing I would apologise but would laugh if someone demanded that I clean their car because of it.

khajiit13 · 02/07/2017 14:56

Yanbu to ask the owner to keep his dog off your property in future but asking him to wash it off!? I'd be embarrassed if he was my DH. It would have took your DH 20 seconds to throw a bowl of water over his wheel, he was being a twat.

category12 · 02/07/2017 14:59

Now, see, I agree with something like Zombies' tents and awnings that a pissy dog's owner should clear it up, but a car? It's driving through piss and shit and mud and all sorts on the roads on a daily basis.

n0rtherrn · 02/07/2017 15:00

If one dog pisses on there then the chances are any other passing dogs may get the urge to do the same if they smell it.

Your DH WNBU at all.

It's your property. People don't get to just let animals piss up it.

Stopnamechanging · 02/07/2017 15:01

Weird to compare a tent to a car.

NoBetterName · 02/07/2017 15:02

The OP has not said, but I'm assuming it is not a long drive, but one of those short drives such as you get on most modern properties where the drive has just enough room for a car and the car, when parked on the drive will border the pavement, IYSWIM. In this type of set-up, it is unlikely that the neighbour or the dog were actually trespassing on the drive, but they were stood on the pavement whilst the dog wee'd. Doesn't necessarily make it OK, but I'd lay money on there being two sides to this story.

OfficerVanHalen · 02/07/2017 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Drybonesthatdream · 02/07/2017 15:04

He wasn't being unreasonable in my opinion. My dp spends hours detailing his car and polishing it, he would have gone his ends if that had happened to his car and even supervised the washing off of the piss 😂

LakieLady · 02/07/2017 15:07

It's a car, ffs. It travels on dirty roads, through blood & guts from roadkill, shit, puke and all sorts of nameless crap. If the dog had pissed on it when the door was open and it had got on the carpet or upholstery, your DH would have had reasonable cause, but that wasn't what happened and I think he was BVU.

To the poster upthread who asked: it is normal for male dogs to piss on pretty much anything. When I had a male, he pissed up my own leg on more than one occasion! They will also pee on anything that smells of other dogs, it's a scent marking thing.

Unless you watch them like a hawk, it's hard to know if they've just stopped for a sniff or whether they're going to mark.

Mind you, I've always made sure that mine are on the pavement and don't stray onto people's drives or gardens.

SparkleSoiree · 02/07/2017 15:09

"and if we are outside when he is walking past, he looks at the pavement."

I have done this on occasion when I feel uncomfortable walking by something or other. Perhaps your neighbour just doesn't feel comfortable when walking by your house for some reason when you are outside?

If my husband tried to make a neighbour clean urine off our our car wheels I would have stopped that immediately. Absolutely raise your concern with a neighbour ( as others have said, bird faeces, roadkill, etc has no complaint path!) but I just think your husband humiliated that neighbour because he didn't like him. Horrible behaviour. Neighbourly relations mean give and take on both sides, not one neighbour deciding it's his way or the highway.

Your hubby WBU.

KoalaDownUnder · 02/07/2017 15:10

Yes op be sure to go back to the 1950s for it so it tastes authentic too

😂 I had a similar thought on reading that.

OP, your husband sounds petty as fuck. 'I'll be extra pissy about this because he never talks to us, waaaah'. Like a child.

KoalaDownUnder · 02/07/2017 15:11

I just think your husband humiliated that neighbour because he didn't like him. Horrible behaviour.

Yep.